Mickey Abbott

How do you stop a kid from growing? I told you, you should offer him some cigarettes.

Can't you just switch with another midget? It's 'little people.' - You got that? - Easy, Mickey. Easy.

You gotta get some lifts for your shoes. Lifts? Kramer, you don't understand. This kind of thing is just not done.

How do those lifts feel? Quiet.

You look different. - Have you been working out? - Not that I know of. Whatever it is, keep doing it. You look great.

There's something different about you. - I got my hair cut, that's all. - No, that's not it. Something else. You don't. You got the same ugly mug you had since the day I met you.

Johnny Viggiano went through my locker. That little bastard. He saw the lifts in my shoes. He knows I'm heightening.

This never would've happened if you didn't push me to get those. - I told you. - Nobody put a gun to your head. Yeah. Just keep out of my business, you big ape. Who you calling 'big ape'? I'm calling you an ape.

He's always been jealous of me. I always got to stand in for the bigger stars. The Cosby kids, Ricky Schroder, Macaulay Culkin.

There's an unwritten code about this. I could be ostracized. I remember when I was a kid, some guy tried to heighten. He lost his job, lost his friends, everything.

Rock, paper, scissors. Match. - Rock, paper, scissors. Match. All right. Rock beats paper. I thought paper covered rock. No. Rock flies right through paper.

Well, what beats rock? Nothing beats rock.

I'm Mickey Abbot. I stood in for Punky Brewster when all of you was nothing.

Reindeer name confusion - 'On Donna' instead of 'Donner'

'Wake up and smell the coffee' - Mickey's political awareness

If it hadn't been for that secretary of yours.... I said, sit down. Are you deaf, Bradley? I said, sit down.

Sit down, you big, stupid ape!

Well, I have the same shirt. / Yeah, well, I'm wearing it.

Did I mention I'm a serious actor? Really? I enjoy polo. Oh. I like the beach. My aunt has been, uh, ill of late. I own a tuxedo.

I like merlot. I love merlot. I'm crazy about merlot. I live for merlot. We're out of merlot.

Well, why were you holding the door open for? / Not for you. / Who holds a door open for a man?

Oh, everybody's your type. / What the hell does that mean? / You've been married three times.

Which one is Julie? / I don't know.

Hey! That's my cirrhosis! He's stealing my cirrhosis!