Character Analysis
Ray
Played by Michael D. Conway
21 jokes across 2 episodes of Seinfeld
1.9
21
7.1
6.8
Escalation
Best Jokes by Ray
My mother left us when I was 6 years old. All seven of us. We never heard from her again. I hope she's rotting in an alley somewhere.
My mother left us when I was 6 years old. All seven of us. We never heard from her again. I hope she's rotting in an alley somewhere.
How did you get the goop out of the top of the dishwashing liquid? It was like a brand-new nozzle.
That's it! I can't take it. I can't take it anymore! You stole the statue! You're a thief! You're a liar! - George. - Who is this? I'm the judge and the jury, pal. And the verdict is, guilty!
Your palace shall sparkle like the stars in heaven...upon your safe arrival, sire. The toilet brush is under the sink.
All Jokes — 21 total
Greetings. Greetings and salutations. I beg your forgiveness. My tardiness was unavoidable. Rava, my love. Elaine, dear friend. And you must be Jerry, lord of the manor. My liege. A pleasure to serve you.
Your palace shall sparkle like the stars in heaven...upon your safe arrival, sire. The toilet brush is under the sink.
My mother left us when I was 6 years old. All seven of us. We never heard from her again. I hope she's rotting in an alley somewhere.
Would you shut up?!
Are you saying I stole your statue? - What a mind. - Well, I... - I can't believe what I'm hearing. - I can't believe what I'm hearing.
She's from Finland, for crying out loud. Finland! Do you understand? I know Finland. They're neutral.
You wuss. - Did you call me a wuss? - What did you say? I said, 'luss.' I'm at a 'luss.'
But unfortunately, the guy retired and moved to Singapore. Singapore? Do you hear this? If you really want, maybe I can contact the guy in Singapore. Have him make a Photostat of the receipt...and send it over.
That's it! I can't take it. I can't take it anymore! You stole the statue! You're a thief! You're a liar! - George. - Who is this? I'm the judge and the jury, pal. And the verdict is, guilty!
I checked you out. They have no record...of a Ray Thomas at that school, you liar! That is because I am registered under my full legal name...Raymond Thomas Wochinski. Ray Thomas is my professional name. You mean 'alias.'
Greetings and salutations. I beg your forgiveness. My tardiness was unavoidable. Rava, my love. Elaine, dear friend. And you must be Jerry, lord of the manor. My liege. A pleasure to serve you.
Your palace shall sparkle like the stars in heaven upon your safe arrival, sire. The toilet brush is under the sink.
Jerry. -What? Ray, would you give me a hand, please? Yeah, I'm coming.
Sweet elixir, its fragrant nectar a soothing balm for the soul.
My mother left us when I was 6 years old. All seven of us. We never heard from her again. I hope she's rotting in an alley somewhere.
In Scandinavian mythology, the pastries were the food of the gods.
She's from Finland, for crying out loud. Finland! Do you understand? I know Finland. They're neutral.
'I find you so charming.' You wuss. -Did you call me a wuss? -What did you say? I said, 'luss.' I'm at a 'luss.'
That's it! I can't take it anymore! You stole the statue! You're a thief! You're a liar! -George. -Who is this? I'm the judge and the jury, pal. And the verdict is, guilty!
I called the registrar's office. I checked you out. They have no record of a Ray Thomas at that school, you liar! That is because I am registered under my full legal name Raymond Thomas Wochinski. Ray Thomas is my professional name. You mean 'alias.'
How did you get the goop out of the top of the dishwashing liquid? It was like a brand-new nozzle.