Jeannie Sanders

Larry · Jeannie:Garden Weasel, honey. It's the Garden Weasel. - Even funnier. - The Garden Weasel. Weasel's funnier.

Jeannie:Honey, it's not your Make Me Laugh audition tape, is it?

Larry · Jeannie:You tell that Korean woman that she's wrong. - She is not Korean. Everybody thinks she's Korean.

Larry · Jeannie:You don't do two talk shows back-to-back. It's an unspoken rule. Maybe it's so unspoken that he didn't know about it.

Jeannie:So, do you fuck her on the desk or on the couch? I'm guessing the desk because Hank is on the couch... and I know you're not into that.

Larry · Jeannie · Larry:Is this a new... Is this a new chair? / Yes. / I did not know that.

Jeannie · Larry:The only way we'll talk is if I'm booked on the show as a guest. Fine. I'll book you. You're on. Except then you can't do Arsenio for the next three to six months

Larry · Jeannie:I remember when you were making those toaster waffles, you were very happy. Don't tell me that I was happy. I was not happy. I haven't been happy for weeks, including yesterday when I made the toaster waffles, which, by the way, you like.

Jeannie:They get you for 8 minutes, and I get you for 90 seconds. That's pretty much the problem in a nutshell.

Jeannie:There's no need to protect him. This month is normal.

Jeannie:Do you know that I sleep all day? For the last two weeks all day, every day I'm asleep.

Artie · Jeannie:You should try to think of a performer as a small, helpless child. No, Artie. I have sex with him.

Jeannie · Larry:Well, honey, next week is sweeps week. I don't want to bump any big guests. Wait a minute. Kim Basinger. Good-bye. Hello, Jeannie Sanders. Tuesday night.

Jeannie:They're half salt, half vodka. Swear to God, the olive floats at the top.

Jeannie:As the talent booker, I work hands-on with the people. That's like a segment producer. To be blunt, she's like a glorified secretary.

Jeannie · Larry:You're putting everything we own into a box. Just a couple of things, like Aquarium Digest.

Larry · Jeannie:You do drink. I do not drink.

Jeannie:It is! You cry every time at the end... when he finishes with his mission on Earth and has to go back to heaven.

Jeannie:I said no, so we ended up dry-humping on the couch all week. He's an animal.

Jeannie:Then, of course, that night he wanted to have sex. I said no, so we ended up dry-humping on the couch all week.

Jeannie:You were spying on me?

Jeannie:I thought we agreed that the fishing pole was an outdoor toy.

Larry · Jeannie:You are such a girl, and besides, the shag bass are biting, honey. - What? - The shag bass.

Jeannie · Larry:- Put it back. - Put it back? - Throw it back into the carpet?

Jeannie:I would've tucked him in, but there's a network TV show going on

Jeannie:After the show, talk to him. It's not as if you have a million friends

Jeannie · Larry:Larry's office hasn't changed a bit. Oh, is, uh, that right?

Jeannie:I don't watch TV.

Jeannie · Hank:He looked right through me. Oh, I know. I know. It's a cold stare.

Jeannie:Yeah, like, um, hi. I'm a star. Who are you?

Jeannie · Hank:His family completely screwed him up. [...] did they spank him? Yes. Constantly.

Jeannie:Hank, that's my dress.

Jeannie:Oh, and fell onto his penis? Just as I suspected.

Jeannie:The only reason that I slept with Hank was to hurt you. But... but I don't want you to tell him that, 'cause I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Jeannie:Whenever I come to L.A. I get all confused and... and twisted around. L... I hate L.A.

Artie · Jeannie:I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but you're never coming back again, are you? No.