Bloggers' nicknames for Selina become her next obsession; Dan goes on a fact-finding mission after his boss is snubbed by the president; it's make-or-break time for the clean-jobs bill.
Escalation comedy hits peak form: 62 jokes in 33 minutes, mostly character-driven jabs.
Directed by Tristram Shapeero · Written by Simon Blackwell, Armando Iannucci
WAR
72.8
Wins Above Replacement
“Nicknames” ranks #5 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 86.2 — Elite. The episode packs 62 scored jokes at 1.9 per minute, averaging 7.2 on craft and 7.1 on impact, with Selina landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
That's like trying to use a croissant as a fucking dildo. It doesn't do the job and it makes a fucking mess!
Selina Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch That's like trying to use a croissant as a fucking dildo. No, no, no. Let me be more clear. It doesn't do the job and it makes a fucking mess!
Selina Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch They are saying that a prescription medication that is supposed to guarantee a strong and sustained erection in all men despite their age or their health is rendered ineffective by me?
Selina Escalation Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch You have put this entire office into a salad spinner of fuck.
There are no more Adolfs. Soon there will be no more Selinas. You are looking at the last Selina. The Selina who killed America.
Dan Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 62 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ You know, democracy is fantastic, but it is also fucking dull.
Oh, my God. Is she falling asleep? No, she cannot fall asleep on live TV. Not on C-SPAN. The irony would be too huge.
Are you really waving? She cannot see you through the TV. Most of us learn that when we're four.
Undressing me with your eyes. - I'm adding more clothes, Mike.
You have one community college meeting this afternoon. - Is that it?
How about if you scroll up? - That's the past, ma'am.
Selina Sue Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Probably sending photos of his dick to himself.
Firefighters have a passion for their work. Arsonists just have a burning desire.
Mike Wordplay/Pun Setup/Punchline Is that even a joke?
Selina Reaction Beat Cringe/Discomfort Fire safety guy asked me the other day, 'do I smoke in bed? And I said, 'I've never had any complaints.'
Mike Setup/Punchline Wordplay/Pun Too shock? Too shock?
Mike Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort Having a massive stroke is an excuse for coming in late to this office. Having sex is absolutely not, Dan.
Selina Escalation Deadpan/Understatement I didn't even think you'd be here. - Why? - Well, there's the briefing on the fiscal responsibility bill at the White House.
Bob Lewis has got emphysema. Sounds like a broken-down leaf blower.
Selina Observational Character Comedy I'm fructose intolerant. - Fructose? - Fruit sugars. - It's very rare.
Just when you thought he couldn't get any weirder, - He did.
Staff Reaction Beat Callback Callback Maybe he's just flakey like Gary's feet.
Mike Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun My nicknames? Gary, what are my nicknames?
Selina Setup/Punchline Cringe/Discomfort Mammary Meyer.
Gary Wordplay/Pun Cringe/Discomfort Grisly Madam, She-ra, Meyer the Liar, the Batcave, Pissface, Wicked Witch of the West Wing, Veep Throat, VoldeMeyer, Dickless Van Dyke, Tawdry Hepburn, Blunder Woman, Selina Meh.
Gary Escalation Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Pissface? Huh? - No, not that one.
Vaselina, Betty Poop.
Gary Wordplay/Pun Escalation Callback Hat? Oh, wedding? - No.
Dan Amy Misdirection Deadpan/Understatement She appreciates the gesture of me trying to trick her into believing that.
Dan Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy When they bring out the bread, you check it out. It is a fuckload of bread. Believe me, you could feed a family, like a fat family off the fuckload of bread alone.
Jonah Observational Escalation Oh, no. No way, dude. Fructose.
Jonah Callback Character Comedy Callback I got a cock like a cappuccino frother. One of the big ones. The industrial ones, not the little ones.
Yup, that's a regular granary gangbang.
Dan Escalation Wordplay/Pun Intel, that's a brand of microprocessor. - Strong joke.
Jonah Dan Wordplay/Pun Deadpan/Understatement He's got a big veiny boner for it.
Jonah Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy You cut me, I bleed metal.
Jonah Character Comedy Absurdist To eat at a different fucking restaurant.
Dan Deadpan/Understatement Reaction Beat I think we should just fine the fuckers till the fuckers aren't fine.
Gary Wordplay/Pun Escalation He's not supposed to register emotion. He's supposed to be like a robot geisha.
Selina Observational Character Comedy Viagra Prohibitor? Why, because when a guy's with me he doesn't need viagra? - No.
They are saying that a prescription medication that is supposed to guarantee a strong and sustained erection in all men despite their age or their health is rendered ineffective by me?
Selina Escalation Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch This is fucking like being operated on by a chimp with a hard-on and a hacksaw.
Jonah Absurdist Observational Yeah. That's exactly how I feel about the clean jobs legislation.
Dan Deadpan/Understatement Callback Callback NASA's gonna have to build him an escape pod.
I don't have any children. I have a niece but I fucking hate her.
Selina Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Dan is a great choice. He is already a huge advocate of the devil's.
Amy Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy And I should tell you, I think you're borderline developmentally disabled. This bill is a fucking disgrace and I'm gonna see to it personally that it gets chewed up like a dead prostitute in a wood chipper.
This is class genocide. This is rich white people and their rich white champion Selina Meyer demanding an unproven solution to an unproven problem so they can sleep better at night.
Dan Escalation Irony/Sarcasm There are no more Adolfs. Soon there will be no more Selinas. You are looking at the last Selina. The Selina who killed America.
Dan Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch There are no more Adolfs. Soon there will be no more Selinas. You are looking at the last Selina. The Selina who killed America.
Dan Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch My chief criticism is that I don't fully understand it. If I don't understand it...
Mike Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement I will kill the children.
Sue Deadpan/Understatement Dark/Subversive That's like trying to use a croissant as a fucking dildo. It doesn't do the job and it makes a fucking mess!
Selina Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch That's like trying to use a croissant as a fucking dildo. No, no, no. Let me be more clear. It doesn't do the job and it makes a fucking mess!
Selina Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Remind me never to get trapped inside a burning building with you, Mike.
Selina Observational Character Comedy What I'm saying, you fucking ape, is that you are a useless waste of fucking carbon. I've been trying to cynically use you, but you're so fucking low-rent, you can't even be exploited.
Dan Escalation Character Comedy You guys think you're fucking New York, but you're not.
Dan Character Comedy Observational Maybe I'll sneak into your apartment with a bag of oranges and fructose you to death.
Jonah Callback Absurdist Callback I don't know. They're so Parisian.
Amy Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy That was a play on 'it's hammer time.' - I know. What bill is it?
This is some weird ass 'through the looking glass' shit right now.
You have put this entire office into a salad spinner of fuck.
I'm sorry, ma'am, but you have drawn the fat straw.
Jonah Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy You want to know the secret to keeping weight off? Shut your fucking pie hole. How about that? It's not rocket science.
Selina Observational Character Comedy You don't masturbate in the subway, do you, Amy? No, you don't. Do you shit in the street, Amy? No, of course you don't. Because you've gotten ahold of yourself.
