Sue Wilson

Touch me and you lose a finger. And a ball.

there's not enough alcohol in the world, jonah.

you got a convenient opening i can slide into? open up a slot for jonah? there's not enough alcohol in the world, jonah.

Should I fire up the shit eater?

To vice president Salina Meyer... with an 'a'... from an admiring wannabe.

Do I look like a kindergarten teacher to you, Mike? Actually, yes.

My zipper on my Leviathan broke, so I had to drive around trying to find a replacement.

That's why I'm in here in here, Dan.

Well, I'm Sue. It's my job to know everything, Amy.

Something about 'getting fucked every which way.' Direct quote.

Dan, you have about 10 seconds to stop distracting me, or the next thing that they'll find at the back of that couch are your remains.

You have one community college meeting this afternoon. - Is that it?

How about if you scroll up? - That's the past, ma'am.

I will kill the children.

What's her shoe size? Seven. Seven and a half.

Like when you bought pregnancy tests for the veep wearing your staff ID?

Yeah, this is you, Gary... 'Dana, Dana, Dana, Dana.'

Kent Davison? The Pol Pot of pie charts.

You have as much chance of getting the vice president on your show as you have of getting your husband to leave that cheerleader.

It's kind of like dumping all my ex-boyfriends at once.

It's just typing into a calendar. Oh ... !,I'm sorry, Sue. Your job is really difficult. - Excuse me? - You do it very efficiently.

Your wife is perfectly fine. She ran the Seattle Marathon. All right, don't fuck with me, honey.

Oh, shit a shark.

Robust? - Robust.

Well, I'm guessing that you think you have a sense of humor, Mr. Hessler. Which you are wrong about, as you are about the calendar. That is my definition of robust.

Don't be ridiculous. I'm not famous. Well, maybe only in DC. Oh, yeah, me and Kim Kardashian. Ha ha.

Jonah, out. Or else I'll see if my pepper spray works.

Are you on antipsychotics or in Helsinki?

I think he's nervous. His voice sounded clammy.

Sue crying and saying 'I need a moment' when furloughed

Network the bejesus out of me. I want people to be sick of the sight of my face.

It's bigger than your mother's womb and you were in there till you were 15. / Oh, my God.

Actually, I'm not sorry. I'm not sure why I just said that.

Look, I have no idea who that is, so, no.

No, no, and no.

Chung will reenlist and hopefully get himself killed.

You do and Secret Service might break your neck. That would be a tragedy.

I got it chemically relaxed. It was enormously painful.

It means you're wearing a red sticker. Follow me, please.

'Sue' casa es su casa, sir.

Sir, this is your beauty pageant of the nearly dead.

Jonah, get off the line. And then the planet.

Well, I could add the word 'cookie' on the end for no reason.

We're looking at a big, fat Greek funeral.

The Prime Minister of India has sent you this. Why? I can't really work it out, but I'll put in a time for you to thank him. No, I don't want that. No duck? No. Sue: It's a dead duck.

Can mice levitate, Mike? Can they levitate and fire lasers out of their mouse eyes? No. Well, then we've just asked each other equally ridiculous questions.

Gary, you look whiter than a Georgia country club.

We don't have time for the whole tapestry.

Is there a child missing?

Gary, your inner child needs to grow an outer man.

South Korea has called. They'd like to know if you'd like a baby elephant. I have no response to that. Other than I already have one.

He's half dead. - Half dead? - Yeah, he's been half-acuted.

He died. - Oh, finally, right? It's one less thing to worry about.

He's got a thoughts and prayers template.

And, unlike in reality, I would have gotten Iwo Jima right.

I mean, I once met Bill Gates, but I didn't have a 'meeting' with him.

Just something with real sugar. No sweeteners or I'll shit my pants.

But I made sure he had nowhere to sit.

250 people, no one from work.

Oh. I just think they ran out of money. They should probably just print more. I don't know why it's been such a big issue.

The President told me to pencil you in to half past go-fuck-yourself.