Detroit

Time to lose your fiscal cherry.

You're gonna be like the 'fairy job-mother.'

I want to hear the Discovery Channel say, 'We interrupt these sharks.'

Thanks for sending me the speech, Mike. It's perfect... - Great. - ...ly shit.

Your first drafts are always terrible. - That's my fourth. - Oh, God.

You know what? Next time I'll get a clown and cheer you up. Oh, good, a two-clown entourage.

So you're the guy who keeps burning my tongue.

- You see that tie? - Yeah. - It's hideous. - Horrendous. - Suits him. - Yeah, it does.

Andrew Meyer, dick on fire.

The metal skeleton, you know, within the structure itself is useless, but then you put this black fabric hexagonal-shaped thing on it, and what do you have? An umbrella. And it's a winning team. And I like to think of it as a metaphor.

She was a vicious bitch and a fuckin' drunk. - Yep. But that's sad news.

You don't have to do the whispering. It's just me.

Where do you get your news, from a guy on a horse?

How about I have the veep put her arms like in 'Platoon' and scream, 'Why?' Too wordy?

Catherine, I can't send Mike and Ben to Coachella. But you, you know, you're hip. You're 'deck,' you know? Deck's a thing, right?

Okay, remember her husband fondled your left breast? What do you think, I'm gonna forget that? I've got a thumbprint there.

I am giving a talk on economics. 'The Finnish Wilf.' - Er, what...? - It's 'wolf.' Oh, hello. - 'The Finnish Wolf.' - Yes. - And there is my book. - Oh. - And what is that called? - 'The Finnish Wilf.' - It's 'wolf.' - Yeah, I got it.

I want a lanyard with a retractable one. Do you have any idea who I am?!

Jonah, come here. You know, sometimes I feel like there's a nine-year-old boy inside of you just operating the levers.

Minimum six-second handshake, and I want a toothy smile. Perfect. Because we've got to prove they both don't hate each other. - Absolutely. - Okay. And this is it. - This is it. - That's it. - This is it. - This is it.

And if there was, by the way, it would be a 'Meyer-Maddox' feud. Yeah, yeah. She would go first. That's right.

I look tense, because... yes, well, one, I have broad shoulders, and, two, because that's the job. The job is what makes me look tense. But underneath all the work tension, I'm really very relaxed.

To give guns to babies? Well, only in Arizona.

- Minna, I've made a joke. - And me also, I made a joke... for giving the guns to the babies. Because I know you don't give the guns to the babies.

He's not just a personal trainer, he's like a personal Jesus.

Maybe you should work on North Korea first... get them to relax, and work your way up to Amy.

Just so sad. I hate murder.

Shit the fuck... she said that?

I haven't bent this far since I was five centimeters dilated.

How about we turn out the lights and see?

Marimba... that alarm that's on your phone when you wake up. It's like, 'Wake up, America!'

I wrote a soundbite once and had the entire crowd in tears. Even the police horses.

I can improve your posture 6,000%.

Well, so can I. I can just take off my shoes.

I spend more time with you than any of my other friends. That technically makes you my best friend.

- We're fucking. - Uh-huh...

'Cause he'll be, 'Oh, a crisis. I need a third iPad.'

I wrote it. - Oh. Well, it's got some good bits.

Or how about a drone strike?

You're a sex trafficker now. How low can you go? Well, however it is, Amy, I'm still higher than you.

We know. You're Ray-curious.

Sorry, I didn't mean to strike a nerve there. You didn't strike a nerve. I'm just saying... because you're in shape doesn't mean you don't know that 'IMF' means 'International Money Fund.' 'Monetary.' Close.

Stay small, Selina! - Oh, my God! - Go, go, go! - Ow, ow, ow! My hair! My hair! My hair!

Give me your fuckin' gun! I'll shoot his balls off!

Catherine just did what any good daughter would do. - What...? - You punched that motherfucker. - You punched that guy square in the face. - No!

Honey, that means you're really good at it and you didn't even know it. No!

Now I feel like you're attacking me. It's kind of irritating. Okay, just back off.

Can you not hear me singing in the wires?

You just picked a fight with the jumpiest hundred million people I can possibly think of.

I wish we were still on abortion. That was easy.

I need 'Ray-creation.' Just had it.

In years to come, a therapist will have me acting this out with dolls.

I throw one punch, and all of a sudden I'm 'America's Next Top Redneck.'

That is not your shoe.

What, the Pilates made your shirt fly off?

Mom, not the help. Jesus, that's tacky.

Nobody likes sex, let's disperse.

Kenny G can blow the storm up.

It's like a man, but it's very tall. - Rudolph. - No, no.

In your country, people fuck snow.

I want for your comfort to make you aware that today I purchased ear pligs. - Ear plugs. - Oh, ear plugs. Okay.

Dan? I am not gonna talk to radio stations that have eagles in the logo or call themselves the 'voice of reason.'

Uh, yes, you are going to a 'fucking gun show,' even if I have to put a gun to your fucking head.

You say that once a week.

How the fuck do you screw up a handshake, Mike? It's four fingers and a thumb.

And if you don't like my tone, you're really not going to like Guantanamo Bay.

Don't say, 'Freeze, or I'll protect your fucking head off.'

Look at this well-defended picnic table. Covered in all these... things that defend.

Although this would not have been a good present for her, 'cause she was a toddler with a temper. She was so mad. - I wasn't. - Just say you were mad. Doesn't matter.

This one is upside down, so if you were doing a back bend or something...

Just one freaky dyke after another.

I would have told you last night, but you had Ray's cock in your ear.

Talk about the GDP. Nobody knows what that means. - Do you know what that means? - Yes, I...

Oh, my God, it's the big bad 'wilf.'

The men and women who are behind the umbrella skeleton.

Well, if we kill everybody in the room, then we might be okay.

Once I got used to all the regular people and how fat they were, I really enjoyed it.

You know, it's okay, it doesn't matter... oh-hh... oh, my God! That's very good.