Selina and team head to South Carolina, where she seeks an endorsement from a key leader. Gary gets a long-awaited promotion, while Marjorie excels in her new role.
64 jokes in 39 minutes—Veep's densest finale stretch sustains relentless wordplay.
Directed by Beth McCarthy-Miller · Written by Alex Gregory, Peter Huyck
WAR
75.8
Wins Above Replacement
“South Carolina” ranks #11 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 84.2 — Elite. The episode packs 64 scored jokes at 1.6 per minute, averaging 7.2 on craft and 7.1 on impact, with Selina landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
But the real victims are the police... 'ing.' Policing... that America does in the South China Sea.
Selina Misdirection Escalation ★ Rewatch When my uncle stole me, I don't remember where he took me, but I do have this recurring dream where I almost find out.
Richard Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Honeydew? If I wanna pretend to be in the CNN green room, I'll draw a face on Ben's ass and call that Christiane Amanpour.
Selina Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch I'll jam my fist up my dick hole and pull out a 40-piece set of Danish cutlery when you're president!
I learned from an Afghani warlord. / We should put him on the payroll. / You killed him in a drone strike. / Oh, well.
All Jokes — 64 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Can you fuck off?
Selina Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Well, how come you failed me in algebra, Mr. Hennick?
How would you like the chance to help lead a visibly repugnant underdog to historic victory?
Which one of you donkey-dongs was in charge of the balloons?
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun It's universal. Men hate women, women hate themselves. The Geraldine Ferraro principle.
Full bald eagle.
Selina Wordplay/Pun Visual Gag ★ Rewatch that I was the blackest white woman he ever met.
Selina Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch She's not even all-black.
Selina Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Plus, I'm gonna be Lion-Kinging Little Richard all around till I tear my rotator cuff.
I thought everybody kind of did the same thing.
Catherine Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy ★ Rewatch No talking! / No talking! / I'm hearing moving!
OK, I'm gonna go hang myself from a sturdy pipe, and I'm not even gonna bother jacking off.
Jonah Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Don't math me, Lloyd.
Jonah Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Math is a plot invented by the Chinese to make smart Americans feel dumb.
Jonah Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch You were invented by Islamic scholars in the 7th century.
Oh! Saint Theresa's gray-haired gunt, they're fucking again?!
Jonah Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun I'll jam my fist up my dick hole and pull out a 40-piece set of Danish cutlery when you're president!
not a human pool skimmer last used to de-spunk a Provincetown hot tub party!
Spoiler alert: It's Danish cutlery.
Jeff Callback Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Callback You can't just replace Gary with another lesbian and think that I'm not gonna notice
Selina Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch I learned from an Afghani warlord. / We should put him on the payroll. / You killed him in a drone strike. / Oh, well.
You've been taking fashion advice from a man who dresses like an overgrown ventriloquist dummy.
Marjorie Character Comedy Visual Gag ★ Rewatch These are fresh bagels from New York, which I'm very excited about 'cause the president hates bagels--shh-shh-shh-- and she can't even be in the same room with donuts.
Blake Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort When are you and I gonna have that pussy-eating contest?
Jonah Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy What about Department of the Exterior?
Amy Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy It would be funny if you were American.
Wendy Deadpan/Understatement Remembering things and reporting them back to people is not my strong suit, but I could write it down. / Please don't write it down.
Can I tell you something? My dad said that to a lot of white women. That was his move. Now you know.
I mean, did you at least watch Martin? 'Damn, Gina!' We should go.
Jonah Amy Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort because my mind's on my money... and my money's on my mind. Laid back.
Jonah Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort It's like the fat girl of Cabinet posts.
What the tragic mulatto fuck?
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun And I'm so black, people are gonna start calling me articulate.
Selina Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch That's like a dog exploding space shuttle. / Dog chainsaw? / A dog leaf blower? / A dog snowmobile.
Something that makes a NASCAR race look like a Jay-Z concert, you know? / Actually, ma'am, Jay-Z concerts are almost all white people. / Okay, well, right? I know.
Where are you registered? Child Protective Services?
Where are you registered? Child Protective Services?
Gary Character Comedy Dark/Subversive I love that they make clothes in your size now, Mike.
Selina Character Comedy Observational Liu sent you a message inside Mike. / A misfortune cookie.
And they will not sell you out in a Beijing minute.
Ben Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Consider her green-jeaned, ma'am.
Ben Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy He saw a male Jesus.
Catherine Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch When my uncle stole me, I don't remember where he took me, but I do have this recurring dream where I almost find out.
Richard Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch So was Hitler.
Gary Dark/Subversive Escalation I've never been more proud I taught that man to ejaculate into a cup.
Catherine Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Oh. Keep talkin' like Reagan, I'll work it like Nancy.
Selina Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Whoops. I guess we got ourselves a 'Gift of the Magi' situation here.
Cloud berries are organic and Icelandic.
Dan Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement He just fucked me right in the ass! / Son of a bitch wouldn't endorse you. / That, too!
Selina Ben Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch I mean, that's like blowing a rape whistle while you're raping somebody.
I mean, that's like blowing a rape whistle while you're raping somebody.
Dan Dark/Subversive Observational Honeydew? If I wanna pretend to be in the CNN green room, I'll draw a face on Ben's ass and call that Christiane Amanpour.
Selina Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch I need potheads in my prisons. Otherwise it's just murderers and rapists. It makes for a very unpleasant atmosphere.
Permission to roll your breasts, ma'am? / Oh, granted.
But soon to be the 'Black House.'
But the real victims are the police... 'ing.' Policing... that America does in the South China Sea.
Selina Misdirection Escalation ★ Rewatch You know who else thinks that I don't have the intelligence or the 'tentrament' to be president?
Jonah Character Comedy Wordplay/Pun ★ Rewatch Algebra? More like Al Jazeera.
Jonah Wordplay/Pun Escalation ★ Rewatch Callback Like my prostate. Mostly black and much larger than we'd like.
Ben Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch I think the Chinese just delivered.
Ben Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch So go get it. [Long pause as Selina stares at Gary]
Like Jodie Foster in John Hinckley's diary.
If I need another Washington douche, I'll go to the M Street Rite Aid.
Selina Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Oh, yeah! This is like looking in a mirror! / Yeah, a hot mirror.
