St. Valentines Day

Good morning, Regular Person Lemon.

Saturday is Valentine's Day? Norts!

You sound so sexy when you say that. Say it again.

These McFlurries are amazing. I know-- the soft swirl of vanilla and the hard crunch of candy and cookies. You'd think they'd fight each other, but no. Together, they are perfecto.

Don't tell me you're one of those convenient Catholics that only goes to church every Sunday.

Do I? I wouldn't have this job if it weren't for the mouth on my back.

I'm just funning, it's all sewed up.

Is everything okay? Because now, I smell burnt plastic.

There is handsomeness involved.

Slut buster? / No, not a ball player.

If I had those knockers, I'd be thanking God, too.

I don't know. Have you ever put a donut in the microwave?

Thanks. I found it at Dunkin... wait a minute.

Ken, you need to snap out of it and ask out that sexy Ms. Magoo.

Okay, there is something about Jennifer that just makes me all carsick inside.

Well, cotton and fiddles. I enjoy your smile.

Yes, indeedy corncobs?

It's a Valentine's date-li-doo!

It's my own recipe where I use cheddar cheese instead of water.

Well, it's just gotten so small that I kind of want to see if it disappears.

Okay. Well, I guess we just... jumped ahead to date four. It's not the good one, either.

Jonathan... our Jonathan, who art in the office hallowed be my reservation. If you are able... hold my table at Plunder as we will not be there by seven.

Oh, cheese stew. What was I thinking?

The draft made the door fly open! I know. It's not a big deal. So, we skipped from date four to date... 20.

Mandy? Is that, like, a guy friend, like Mandy Patinkin?

You will see her. You will say she's cute. But let me just say that she is... complicated.

Mom's keying your car.

Because, honey, you keep setting fire to things.

Okay, here's how this is going to go. We're going to sit here in silence for about three minutes. Then, I'm going to take my girlfriend to Plunder where the Pope himself could not get a table.

I didn't know it was a French restaurant. Yes, I found it on my favorite website StopShowingOff.com.

I have faith... in things I can see and buy and deregulate. Capitalism is my religion.

I hit my mother with a car... possibly by accident.

And... I may have sodomized our former Vice President while under the influence of some weapons-grade narcotics.

I need backup! Harvard did not prepare me for this.

Blue is for showing your boobs. Purple is for doing stuff over your clothes. Black is for doing stuff...

Wow, he does not sound good live.

You know what your problem is, Jack? You intellectualize everything with your big head. Well, you have big boobs.

the patron saint of judgmental statues.

What kind of God would let that happen?

I'm sorry... is this, like, a 'Sixth Sense' thing? Should I bring a place setting for your friend?

The woman he thinks is his sister is really his mother. I'm his grandmother.

Kenneth, why do you suddenly sound white?

And when I'm with you, my heart jumps like a frog on July asphalt right before it dies.

That is cold, blind lady! Oh, and by the way... you are not so attractive, yourself. No, I'm... I'm pretty sure I'm hot. Yes, you are. I tried.

You know, my mom did just die. Funny story.

You know where I found it? In the collection plate. It was a sign.

I believe that we were reunited by the most successful capitalist enterprise of the last hundred years despite the McLean Deluxe or the McEmu.

Boy, I hope that guy's not planning to kill and eat her.