Angie Jordan

No. It gives me a headache. This is a Krug Clos du Mesnil, and I was saving it for a special occasion.

This is the second-worst Valentine's Day we ever had.

This boy comes to the door, tries to kiss me, then he throws up and starts crying.

No more jewelry with my name misspelled. 'Anjy'

This grilled cheese has mayonnaise in it! What?

This belonged to Brooke Astor

Tracy's like a horny child. He needs constant adult supervision

Oh, you looking for a sassy black friend? Well, you got one now, girlfriend

You smell like Enorme and brass polish

He's an entrepreneur. What's the character's name? Slick-back Lamar

Did you just try to control my body with your white hand?

'I'm going to watch you die, Tracy Jordan'

Why are you handcuffed to the bookshelf I built for my husband?

Oh, cracker! - Racist!

Damn it, Tracy. That's what's in your heart?

Why's that baby covered with goop? / 'Cause everything about this is disgusting.

Squeaky Fromme.

What? That's double taxation!

There's only thing I won't do, and that's take orders from anyone, ever.

I'm not about to cancel my hair appointment with D'Fwan because I'm your new intern.

Do you have a problem with strong black women?

It's my way till payday!

I am friends with a hilarious fat girl and a crazy-eyed, divorced white lady who wants to be in the music business.

It has been my dream to be a singer ever since I was a little... drunk the other day and rented out a recording space.

My single 'My Single is Dropping' is dropping.

Is this the restaurant that I'm opening up with Dennis Rodman and Webster?

Don't do impressions of other races.

That's some white nonsense.

I'm looking for dancers who can dance for 15 seconds 'cause that's how long my song is.

I'm asleep right now and I think that that's my computer.

I'm contractually obligated to pull out some bitch's weave eight more times this season.

Jack, I also suffer from Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

You know why you're so tense? It's 'cause you have a man-sex secret.

'My Single is Dropping' is not just about a single dropping. It's about a woman learning to fly. A woman who doesn't need a man or anybody except Josh at Sidney Bernstein Management, Sidney at Josh Bernstein Accounting

I just want to wake up in the morning and look over at my husband asleep... On our neighbor's roof.

It's pronounced 'chic'. It's French.

Reality star, actress, singer/songreader, perfumist, IBS survivor, best-selling author of a book I didn't write, catchphrase coiner

Well they don't all work.

Cheek is stretchable formal wear for elegant plus-sized women and huskier gays

I find that my target customer sweats a lot and often gets thrown into a public pool

And I've gone to and worked at the post office

That man is about to get some cheese with that

I know they're not married. I just like them to know I don't give a about their lives

Do you know what a surprise is? Now you do

Don't learn to talk. A woman's power comes from her silence

Oh, that is a bridge too far. That's right. I read world war ll history, mother-

I gave you a kidney, a kneecap and a bladder

Both: I'm cheating on you!