What Goes On Tour

Bret:Wouldn't have to be that big to be our biggest gig ever.

Murray:Headlining at Central Park? Yes. Us? Yes. Me and Bret? Yes!

Jemaine:Bret as well?

Murray:I've dipped into the Flight of the Conchords emergency fund.

Murray:Players play the game, you guys play the guitar. Don't they? They kick the ball, you kick the... jams.

Jemaine:So we have to get up at 7:00 in the morning and do 200 squat-thrusts?

Bret:Yeah, you crossed out 'bus,' and you wrote 'bus.'

Murray:'Honda Accord' was too big to fit in the gap there, so I put 'bus' back in.

Murray:Sometimes late at night when I'm driving alone, I imagine this is a bus.

Murray:Is that... a bit silly, is it, Bret?

Murray:You asked me why I was crying. I said it was the happiest day of my life. You don't remember that?

Murray:those two effing idiots are good friends of mine, okay?

Murray:I'm not even managing them anymore.

Jemaine:It's probably Mel stalking us.

Mel:What a coincidence! Ha ha!

Murray:That's where the gig is, Jemaine. It's at the airport.

Jemaine:Shut up, Bret. Don't do your embarrassing speeches.

Bret:Well, it's only the middle of the afternoon, though.

Bret:There's hardly anyone here.

Murray:A lot of people have gone to get their flights

Murray:Not leather suits. It's a total waste of money.

Murray:You've spent tomorrow's per diem. The per diem I gave you for was for the week.

Jemaine:'Per diem' means for the day, though. See?

Murray:Well, I don't know Latin.

Jemaine:Well, you should have said...'per weekem,' would be the correct term.

Murray:You're like a couple of cool-looking idiots.

Murray:Do not call me at work, all right? I don't want them asking silly questions as to why I'm not at work

Murray:Okay, love you too! Bye-bye!

Murray:You must have followed him, did you?

Bret:What, don't you think I'm capable of a classic rock 'n' roll move?

Murray:We're on tour now. Brings out the crazier side of someone like him.

Murray:Probably looking for some thunderstorms to rock out in.

Jemaine:Gotta be in exactly the right place. It's your turn to hold it, man. My arms are sore.

Murray:$8 can of mixed nuts. They must have been pretty good. Got so much buzz out of them that you chucked a television out the window.

Murray:I know how rock 'n' roll he thinks he is... Mr. Keith Moon.

Murray:You're watching Jemaine with his rock 'n' roll moves, buying the leather suits, getting the mixed nuts, jumping on the bed. And you thought, 'Oh, how can I equal this?'

Bret:No, I picked them out.

Murray:These are the guys that destroyed all that equipment the other night in Passaic!

Becky thought you guys were probably just a couple of magicians, and Kathy, Lisa, Tawny and Tracy thought you guys were probably just a couple of gays.

Jemaine:Are you sexy nurses?

Bret:Do we? Pfft. Do we?

Jemaine:Yeah, it's... everyone plays it. It's our national sport.

Bret:Bret Bret? No, just joking. It's McKenzie.

Jemaine:Don't joke, Bret, it's confusing when you joke.

Bret:Throw another shrimp on the barbie. Crikey! Wha!

Bret:On sea horses?

Mermaids song sequence

Jemaine:Or are you an optical illusion caused by a woman sitting on a rock holding half a fish?

Bret:we've been waiting for five hours

Murray:Look, just pour some tap water and blow some bubbles in it

Bret:Oh no, that's my autograph.

Murray:This is your doing, isn't it, Rod Stewart?

Murray:Oh, they're in the car.

Murray:Well that's what happened. The Amer... on American cars, the hand brake's on this side. Oh, I must have just adjusted the seat.

Murray:First Jemaine with the mixed nuts, then the TV. And finally, Bret, you drive my Honda into the pool!

Murray:Personally, I prefer the mixed nuts caper.

Bret:Well, we all... we've all made a mistake each, so it sort of evens out.

Murray:I'm so angry I feel like swearing.

Bret:Oh Murray, you wouldn't swear at us.

Murray:Go fuck yourself, Bret!

Bret:But get it wet and it snugs up, it'll shrink... shrink to fit.

Jemaine:Yeah, I can't even get mine off.

Murray:There there there there there there.

Murray:Yes it is. It's a central park. But it is a central park.

Murray:Yes it is. It's a central park. But it is a central park. I said a central park in Newark.

Murray:I think I've broken a piece of them.