Councilman Jamm

Occupied!

I think it is crazy that the most junior city councilor gets a private bathroom just because she is a girl.

I'm going to drop my liquids in here, take my solids down the hall. Deal?

It's because the two leading industries here are corn syrup and rubber nipples. It is a dentistry jackpot.

Well, D.D.S. Doesn't stand for 'dumb, dumb, stupid.'

Not my initials, but thank you so much.

I've got Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

You're missing the backs of your upper canines. Sloppy technique.

Can't wait to drop my kids at the pool. By 'kids,' I mean turds.

Because it's fun in the sun!

You don't even have to be Asian to do math that simple.

You told me you wanted a dog park. Uh, psych.

You just got jammed.

He is dry-humping my garden gnome. Stupid beast.

Nice try. It didn't work. You just got jammed.

Don't you ladies look nice... For once?

I've actually always been attracted to this one.

Start drooling, fatties

I'm still technically married, but my wife knows the deal.

Thank you, Bill. No, please, everyone be seated. Let the record show there was a standing ovation.

History will decide.

We make money. They make money. They make burgers. We eat burgers. That's a win-win-win-win.

Everyone in Pawnee is dead. Including Councilman Jamm. What? No, no, you can't do that. It says right there, you're dead, so is everyone you care about. Oh, well, joke's on you. I don't have anyone I care about.

I can't hear you. I'm a ghost. Yeah, well, so am I, so you can hear me! Ghost jammed!

Hey, butter-teeth, what's up? I can fix those chompers for you

Councilman Howser

Here comes the boo, All dressed in boo, Boo, Leslie Knope, Boo, boo-oo-oo-oo

♪ Here comes the boo ♪ ♪ All dressed in boo ♪ ♪ Boo, Leslie Knope ♪ ♪ Boo, boo-oo-oo-oo ♪

Amazon, baby, that's how. You are looking at a prime customer, everybody. Two days free shipping for this guy

You broke my tooth. Well, good thing you're an orthodontist.

Hey, you know what, he's not a rack of ribs, so stop grilling him. Nailed it.

Hang on a second. You seem to be forgetting that I already told Vern he got the job, and he already bought a new speedboat.

I'm just sick of being on the losing side. I'm going to tell everyone this was my idea. Retro-jammed.

I'm just sick of being on the losing side. I'm going to tell everyone this was my idea. Retro-jammed.

Some fat Hawaiian guy left it in my waiting room. When he came back, I was all like, 'Oh, uh, yeah, yeah, no, I haven't seen it. I don't know.' Classic.

You know I have irritable bowel syndrome, you racist.

You guys sound like school.

Math is worthless in real life. I mean, there's an app for calculating tips. That's all you need.

You sure make a guy feel like a real lady.

My word is garbage. Everyone knows that.

Tongue baths? Eggplants? Firemen? Those men are heroes who deserve respect! 9/11!

This will be blown way out of proportion! You have my word on it!

Alright, sadly, due to your 'intracksidence'-- Not a word.

I don't think I'm out of line when I say that this scandal makes Benghazi look like whitewater! It's utterly meaningless.

Perhaps he or she-- Or them. It could be a bunch of hot ladies.

How dare you demean the value of the political points I'm scoring?

Are you dooking on my chest right now?

I love Chinese crap. Lucy Liu, Nintendo, Gangnam Style, sushi, et cetera, et cetera.

All I want is the promise of democracy. / You sure about that? / I want that marg. / I know you do.

Hey, Knope, how you feeling over there? You need to go pee-pee? Pee-pee times? Make wee-wee?

I don't want fluoride in the water because I'm a dentist, and I like cavities.

Got an Asian girl to sit in it once.

You definitely understand what chemicals are, Perd.

fluoride, chemical, tiny genitals, misinformation, panic, death, Jenny McCarthy.

Did you bring those with you just to do that? Maybe. Damn. It is a baller move.

Jamm for three! Ha ha! What, are you trying to build a house with those bricks?

Because the voters, to use a technical political term, gave you the stanky boot.

What, you think I'm gonna use it to put a new limestone shower in my office? Yeah, now I do.

No shoes, you lose. That means we should have shoes then, right? No shoes... Hmm.

It's not sexual. I'm just a really big fan of her game. Really? Because in that picture, she's wearing a bikini. Yeah, thanks. Photoshopped it myself.

How sweet is this table, by the way, huh? I got it from an actual benihana. Cost me 4 grand. Worth every penny. Hai!

Can I interest anyone in an authentic a-Japanese a-break-a-fast? Scrambled eggs eaten with chopsticks?

You eat the shells, and you throw the seeds out.

How about if in the Jamm zone, there's no married chicks allowed? Caution, Jeremy. I think there are people that will find the 'No Married Chicks' zone both morally repugnant and hard to enforce.

Ugh, Lezzie. Come on, I'm getting bored.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm Sandra Dee. That's more of my register. You're Zuko.

You want to be Lex Luthor? Uh, yeah. Lex Luthor is rich.

And by the way, you should know, you don't make sushi rolls out of tuna salad-- Maybe you don't.

I haven't seen it. Not a big Morgan Freeman guy. I find his voice very grating.

Yeah, Yoko had a real killer bod. Just like you.