The Pick

So I went to a fashion show. First of all, the whole concept of modeling is counterproductive to the fashion industry, because when these women are around, who's looking at clothes?

We're all applauding. 'Yeah!' What are we applauding? We're applauding, 'There's great-looking women here. Yeah, this is great!'

Anybody can design a shirt. It takes talent to get all these girls in one spot. That's talent.

What is this goofy walk that the models do? You know this walk that they do down the runway. This, like... They have to go somewhere.

And then they get to the end, and it's like... 'Well, I guess I'll just go back.'

I loved her, Jerry. I loved her. / No, you didn't.

I'll sit in my disgusting little apartment, watching basketball games, eating Chinese takeout, walking around with no underwear 'cause I'm too lazy to do a laundry.

You walk around with no underwear?

Yeah. What do you do when you run out of laundry? / I do a wash.

You said going up the steps to her apartment was like being taken to a cell.

I would give anything to be going up those stairs again.

I'm not going to see that nut doctor she went to Europe with.

My darling Susan. / My darling! / What are you doing? / Date with Fred. / The religious guy? / He's not that religious. / Let us pray.

Say, she was clever. You know? She put her picture on her card. I should do that. I never do anything like that. / You want a picture on a Christmas card? I can do that.

She kept such a nice, clean apartment. She was so sanitary. / No. I was just thinking out loud. I don't want my picture on a card. / No, no, I'll take your picture. I'll take care of everything.

I don't know about that outfit, though. / Why, what's wrong with it? / Well, we'll have to improvise.

George. I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

Well, I figure, if it doesn't work out, I can always flush 'em down the toilet.

My next-door neighbor had the idea for this exact perfume last year. He even met with an executive at Calvin Klein. I can't believe they stole his idea.

Just wait over here. / What? / Just wait here, and I'll get it for you.

How tall are you? / 5'10". / Well, let's see. Come on, back-to-back. / No, Kramer!

Oh, you're tall. She's tall. I'm tall. What's the difference who's tall? We're all tall.

I could have been a millionaire. I could have been a fragrance millionaire, Jerry.

What's with this thing? / So, uh, she broke up with you... / Yeah, and... / Why won't this go down?

George. George, look at me. / Okay. Forget about the zipper. / [SNORTS WITH LAUGHTER]

That's the true spirit of Christmas. People being helped by people other than me.

Because I'm not sure, and correct me if I'm wrong... but I think I see a nipple.

You know, your whole life, you go through painstaking efforts to hide your nipple, and then, boom! Suddenly, hundreds of people get their own personal shot of it!

It's a little, brown, circular protuberance. What's the big deal?

Hey, everybody's got 'em. Look, I got 'em. / I got 'em too. See? Everybody's got 'em!

Was it a scratch... or a pick?

There may have been some incidental penetration, but from her angle, she was in no position to make the call.

Did God say to Moses, 'Thou shall not pick'? I guarantee you Moses was a picker. You wander through the desert for 40 years with that dry air... You're telling me you're not gonna have occasion to clean house a little, huh?

If you were going out with somebody, and she did that, what would you do? Would you continue going out with her? / No, that's disgusting.

Yeah. That's my new nickname at the office. Nip!

Hey, how come I didn't get a Christmas card? Everybody else got one. Jerry got one, Kramer got one. I thought we were good friends. I don't get a Christmas card. I don't get it.

You want a Christmas card? You want a Christmas card? All right, here. Here's your Christmas card.

I thought you said it was a scratch. / But that's not what she thinks.

I promise difference. I'm committed to difference.

I take these glasses off, you can't tell the difference between me and a rock! I put these glasses on a rock, you know what jumps into most people's minds? 'Costanza!'

Two weeks ago, I tried a soft-boiled egg. Never liked it before. Now, I'm dunking a piece of toast in there and I'm loving it!

I'm not a soft-boiled egg. And I am not a piece of toast.

You think Louis Pasteur and his wife had anything in common? He was in the fields all day with the cows, you know, and the milk, examining the milk, delving into milk, consumed with milk, pasteurization, homogenization.

And she was in the kitchen killing cockroaches with a boot on each hand.

Why were there so many cockroaches?

Because there was a lot of cake lying around the house, just sitting there with all the excess milk from all the experiments.

Interesting face. / Yeah? / You're very lithe, aren't you? Very graceful. / Well, yeah. / Sit down. / All right. [KICKS COUCH] Ooh!

I think you're spectacular. / Oh?

Hey, Nip, you need that manuscript, or can I take it home? / Yeah, take it. Take it. And stop calling me Nip!

His buttocks are sublime.

If we pick, do we not bleed? I am not an animal!

For I have seen the nipple on your soul!

And then it hits me like a bolt of lightning: The pick.

She comes out of the bathroom, I'm in up to my wrist.

Well, I'm not sure, but... I think I see your...

If your body was a car, you wouldn't buy it. It's too much upkeep. It's a pain.

One of the great mysteries to me is the fact that a woman could pour hot wax on her legs, rip the hair out by the root and still be afraid of a spider.