Helen

Helen:Ditto.

Helen · Will:Ashley, this must be that houseboy you were telling me about. That's homeboy. Sorry.

Helen:Geoffrey, this is fascinating. It's like going out with James Bond.

Helen:Is this the Banks' house or Buckingham Palace?

Helen:You got a boyfriend yet? Now ain't no point in saving nothing these days. You hear what I'm saying?

Helen · Viola:The good, the bad, and the-- Don't even try it.

Helen:I don't care if Frank is black, white, or candy-apple red. I've been on Slim-Fast for the last two weeks to fit into my dress. Now somebody's gonna marry somebody up in here.

Helen · Vivian:Do you remember the last reunion when Uncle Rubin came out of the closet? How could I forget? He came out wearing my purple-leather suit.

Helen:She's the one that told Uncle Rubin he looked good in purple.

Helen:Honey, who'd you think you were bringing him home to? Stevie Wonder?

Helen:Well, I guess she'll be on the first broom back to Philly.

Lester · Helen:Baby, we're on vacation. Wherever we Iie down, we aren't gonna be sIeeping. Lester... how many times I gotta teII you to cut down on that vitamin E? I am not a machine.

Lester · Helen:WeII, I am. You gonna Iet me rock your worId? Get a grip on yourseIf, Lester. Don't encourage him.

Helen:Hey, come on, one-Ieg daddy!

Helen · Lester:WeII, I'm not sIeeping with anyone but Lester. Except maybe DenzeI Washington. Yes, ma'am !

Helen · Hillary:Oh, sweetie, that's aII right. You don't have to buy me anything. / I know. I meant for me.

Helen:GirI, I wouIdn't give Lester air if he was in a jug.

Helen · Vivian:You know how some men are animaIs in bed? / Yes. / WeII, I don't.

Helen:WeII, at Ieast he spoke.

Helen:I couIdn't find it.

Helen:HiIary, wouId you pIease ask the aduIterer on your right to pass the biscuits?

Helen:No, not Lester the schizophrenic, Lester the impotent guy.

Helen:I'm the one who signed his name to aII your damn birthday cards.

Helen:I bet the hussy has a weave.

Helen:If the rooster ain't crowing in the henhouse... he must be cock-a-doodIing in the barn.

Helen · Hillary:Don't make me have to get ethnic on you! / I'm just so excited.

Helen:Well, you certainly have the pants for it.

Helen:Now that's the first time a man has smiled at me since my divorce.

Helen:But I don't like to badmouth him without the kid around. You know, it's like doing the work twice.

Helen:That does it, I'm getting me a white man.

Helen:No, just to help around the house a little bit.

Helen:Now, come on, you know you all were thinking it.

Helen:No, but I wish you would.

Helen:I don't want my godson smelling that cheap perfume.

Vy · Helen · Geoffrey:Geoffrey! Geoffrey! Somebody spill something?

Helen:You know that's right.

Ashley · Helen:I can't wait to get elbow deep in them turkey gizzards. Honey, you need to get cable.

Ashley · Helen:Just because I'm a woman, I'm suppose to don an apron on Thanksgiving? I don't think so. Well, I guess somebody burned their training bra.

Helen:Funny, I don't remember voting.

Helen:That's because it's so dry, it'd go up in flames.

Helen:You hold on to things like a rottweiler.

Helen:Yeah, because they forgot their shoes.

Helen:Nine hundred numbers don't count.

Helen:Child, please. Since Michael Jordan went back to the NBA... and started wearing them shorts again. Ah! Look at those buns. Booyah!

Helen:I'd give him a blast of pepper spray but I'm afraid he'd just eat it.

Helen:Get it appraised!