Booze Cruise

Wow, that's weird. / Ooh, dollar for a stapler, that's pretty good.

I know you did this 'cause you're friends with the vending machine guy. / Who, Steve? / Yeah, Steve.

My wallet? Um, oh, there it is. J1.

Here you know what, you can have some nickels. 5, 10. 15, 20, 25...

A ski mask and a swimsuit? So that he can have us rob a bank, and then escape through the sewers. And brush our teeth.

Stanley...bo banley. / Banana fana fo fanley. / Me mi mo manley. / Stanley.

Should my wife tell her boss she's not coming in tomorrow? / Maybe, I don't know. / Not maybe, yes or no. / Well, no, but... okay, don't spoil it for everybody.

In January? / It's cheaper.

I have a test for business school tomorrow night. Is it okay if I skip the cruise and study for that? / No, this is mandatory. But don't worry, you know what? You're going to learn plenty. This is going to turn your life around, Ryan. / I'm already in business school.

Why did you tell us to bring a bathing suit? / To throw you off the scent. / Yeah, but I bought a bathing suit. / Well, just keep the tags on and you can return it. / I took the tags off already. / Well, that's not my fault, okay? Just-we're not going to pay for a bathing suit.

I attended a Tony Robbins event by the airport last year, and... It wasn't the actual course. You have to pay for the actual course. But, it talked about the actual course.

Leader...ship. The word ship is hidden inside the word leadership. As its derivation.

Last year, Michael's theme was 'bowl over the competition.' So, guess where we went?

Let me just explain. I see the sales department as the furnace. / A furnace? / Yeesh, how old is this ship?

I mean who saw the movie 'Titanic'? / Not really sure what movie you're talking about. / You sure you got the title right? / 'Titanic'? / I think you're thinking of 'The Hunt for Red October'.

Michael stands in the front of the boat and says he's king of the world within the first hour, or I give you my next paycheck.

Michael, everyone in the engine room drowned. / No, thank you, spoiler alert.

They're happy down there in the furnace room. And they're dirty and grimy and sweaty. And they're singing their ethnic songs.

Actually, that might be warehouse. / What? / The, no, no. No I didn't... okay, well, the...

Aye, aye, Captain. / A three hour tour. A three hour tour.

Pam, you are Mary Ann. We have... The Professor and Ginger. Welcome aboard. Angela, you are Mrs. Howell. Lovey.

I am the Skipper, and Dwight, you will be Gilligan. / Cool. / Actually, I'm the Skipper. But you can be Gilligan. / Oh, I'd rather die.

In an office, when you are ranking people, manager is higher than captain. On a boat, who knows? It's nebul-ose.

Hey look. I'm king of the world!

Not only am I your ship's captain, I am also your party captain! / And I'm your party captain too!

If the boat's a-rocking, don't come knocking. / Michael. / What?

You guys, it's like we're in high school and we're at the cool table.

No, she was total little Miss Artsy Fartsy in high school. She wore the turtleneck and everything.

Piss slop who cares-a?

A-W-E... S-O-M-E, awesome, awesome is what we are we're the football superstars. / We crushed you like 42 to 10.

Not like you 'New Yawkers.'

Not now, Mike, we're doing the limbo! / Ha, ha, that's right, partiers. It's time to limbo, limbo, limbo!

I need a volunteer to come up here and hold my stick. / Me. / Usually it's a woman. / I'm stronger.

I was the youngest pilot in Pan Am history. When I was four, the pilot let me ride in the cockpit, and fly the plane with him. And I was four and I was great! And I would have landed it, but my dad wanted us to go back to our seats.

It is a primal art form used in ancient times to express yourself with the body. And communicate.

Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that's always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you just have to be the boss of dancing.

Hey, come inside and talk to me. / I can't. Do you want us to run aground woman?

Snorkel shot! Who's next? Come on, Pammy, come on, come on! / I'm not doing that.

Hey, why don't we find like, a quieter place to hang out? / You know what, I've just gotta wait for Darryl to do his shot. Just a minute. Come on, Darryl, Darryl!

Sometimes, I just don't get Roy.

So. What's it like dating a cheerleader?

So, what's this presentation all about? / It is about...priorities. And making decisions, using the boat as an analogy. What is important to you? If the boat is sinking, what do you save? / Women and children. / No, no. Salesmen and profit centers.

That's a stupid analogy. / O-kay, well obviously you don't know anything about leadership.

Well, I was the captain of a PC-1 Cyclone Coastal Patrol Boat during Desert Storm. / Wow, you should be the motivational speaker.

I'd like to be engaged. / How did you manage to pull that off?

Suppose your office building's on fire. Jim, who would you save? / Let's see... the customer. Cause the customer is king. / Not what I was looking for, but a good thought. / He's just sucking up.

You know what, I would save the receptionist. I just wanted to clear that up.

Pam, um, I think enough is enough. I think we should set a date for our wedding. How about June 10th? Come on, let's do it.

Come on, I don't want to take credit for this, but Roy and I were just having a conversation about making commitments and making choices, right? Did I motivate you?

No, it was, it was Captain Jack. / Well.... / Captain Jack! / Could have been either one of us because, pretty much, we were saying the same thing.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, I got an idea, I got an idea. I can marry you right now as captain of the ship, huh? I can marry you as Regional Manager of Dunder Mifflin!

No, no, no, no, I want my mom and dad to be there. / Then, I'll give you away! / No, thank you.

Do you think that'll ever be us? / No. / What is wrong with you? Why did you even bring me here tonight? / I don't know. / Let's break up.

Seasick? / Captain Jack says you should look at the moon. / Captain Jack's a fart face.

I'm on medication. / Really? What? / Vomicillin.

The ship, is sinking. Okay? We're going down, right now. Just wrap your heads around the reality of that.

Captain Jack is gone. In five minutes, this ship is going to be at the bottom of the lake. And there aren't enough spaces on the lifeboats.

I'm in the brig, see? Boat's not as corporate friendly as advertised.

If he had just waited and heard what I had to say, he would be motivated right now and not all wet.

What happened to you? / Captain Jack has a problem with authority.

Well, it's nice for you. Your friend got engaged. / She was always engaged. / Roy said the first one didn't count.

You know, to tell you the truth, I... used to have a big thing for Pam. So... / Really? You're kidding me. You and Pam? I would have never... put you two together. You really hid it well, God!

You know, I made out with Jan. / Yeah, I know.

Well, if you like her so much, uh, don't give up. She's engaged. / B.F.D. Engaged ain't married. Never, ever, ever give up.

Don't worry, Michael. I'm taking us to shore. / It's a fake wheel, dummy.