Conflict Resolution

No. 'Cause I'm in a band. We really rock. Yeah. I mean, it's inevitable.

She hears me arranging my social life. And we both have to hear Dwight order deer urine over the Internet.

There are a few people I decided not to invite, and that might make things kind of awkward, but it's my wedding. And I don't want anyone there who has called me a hussy.

Fantastic Sams, Adult Cut Plus. Comes with a shampoo and blow-dry.

On or off? Off. Okay. Oh, what is on your face? Is that a disguise?

Last year, I came to work with my spud gun in a duffel bag. I sat at my desk all day with a rifle that shoots potatoes at 60 pounds per square inch. Can you imagine if I was deranged?

It's like child abuse! I say, if Jesus saw that, he'd freak out! He'd freak out, Toby!

I forget, are you guys dating? No.

My Shaolin temple style defeats your monkey style.

Win-win is number four. And number five is win-win-win. The important difference here is with win-win-win, we all win. Me, too. I win for having successfully mediated a conflict at work.

It makes me feel like the babies are the true artists, and God has a really cute sense of humor.

This is so much more offensive to me than hard-core porn.

How about Angela makes the poster into a t-shirt, which Oscar wears. That way he can never see it and whenever she looks at Oscar, she can see it.

How about Angela can keep it up on Tuesdays and Thursdays? Okay. That is called a compromise. And it is style three, and it is not ideal.

That's what she said.

That box is the special file in New York.

Creed is sick of looking at the redhead all day, and wants a seat facing the receptionist. Nice.

Actually, I have a separate folder for complaints against Michael. This is January through March of this year.

You already did me. That's what she said.

Wait. If someone has a problem with me, why would they withdraw it six months ago?

What the hell! Here is a Kelly complaint. 'Ryan never returns my calls.' Join the club.

Dwight tried to kiss me. What? And I didn't tell anyone 'cause I'm not really sure how I feel about it.

Someone complained that the men's room is whites only.

Then why is there a picture of a white man on the door.

I don't like you.

I sprout mung beans on damp paper towel in my desk drawer. Very nutritious, but they smell like death.

Solution: Angela, you are to make sexually suggestive remarks to Kevin that will make him uncomfortable. I accept your decision.

I never smile, if I can help it. Showing one's teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life.

This is humongous. I am not a security threat. And my middle name is Kurt, not fart.

Four years of malfeasance unreported. This cannot stand. Either he goes or I go.

Cage matches? Yeah, they work. How could they not work? If they didn't work, everybody would still be in the cage.

Yes. 5 bucks each and it was totally worth it.

This morning I found a bloody glove in my desk drawer, and Jim Halpert tried to convince me I committed murder. I think he may be the real murderer.

When I went to save the child, I saw Meredith on the can.

That actually took a while. I had to put more and more nickels into his handset, till he got used to the weight. And then I just took them all out.

Yeah. I just moved it an inch every time he went to the bathroom. And that's how I spent my entire day, that day.

But the next day they feel great. I've never had one. They sound awful.

I have a girlfriend. Sure you do, Dwight. Sure.

One, two, three, smile. Try to smile. We resolved a lot today, everybody. Think happy thoughts.

I'm the one who complained about you. I didn't know that Toby was going to write it down.

It was really hard getting a good picture of 15 people. He would not give me a discount, and eight tries added up.

But here's the thing about cage matches, sometimes you have to open the cage. And that is something that Toby will never understand.