Office Olympics

I'm an early bird, and I'm a night owl, so I'm wise, and I have worms.

So... oh breakfast I got your sausage, egg and cheese biscuit. Yummy yummy ! thank you Ryan.

The sausage, egg and cheese biscuit. But thank you, and why don't you just take a couple hours, office is yours, home alone, risky business. Take your pants off, run around. Whatever you wanna do ? I'm just gonna take a nap in my car until work starts.

Healtheir, gotta watch those carbs.

Back in olden days, they would not even let you vote, unless you own a property and they threw you in the stacks, and then humiliate you.

Every so often, Jim dies of boredom. I think today it was the expense reports that did him in. And our deal is, that it's up to me to revive him.

You see Dwight's coffee mug ? Sometimes when he's not here, I try to throw stuff in it.

Let's do this ! Here, try paper-clips.

I have been Michael's number 2 guy for about five years, and we make a great team. We're like one of those classic famous teams, he's like Mozart and I'm like, Mozart's friend. No, I'm like Butch Cassidy, and Michael is like Mozart.

You try and hurt Mozart, you're gonna get a bullet in your head, courtesy of Butch Cassidy.

Ah, most honorable Pamera not offensive because that's the way they talk in movies.

I changed your Cracked magazine subscription.

No ? Ok well could you get on that ? cause I don't just read Cracked.

Dwight it's 50° outside don't, please - But then no one could see us. I... just... would you... put it up ? Ok, fine. Just leave it down. whiner !

Check it out. I'm terminator.

Kevin and I play this paper football game when Michael's out. Really ? Or when we are bored. Oh my god ! Wait this goes back 2 years ! We are bored a lot.

Yeah, we call it Hate Ball. Why ? Because of how much Angela hates it.

You play that. You should ask Toby to teach you Dunder Ball.

Someday I can just see my grandkids learning how to walk out here. Hang on and swing from this tree, pushing back... Wait, no it's this one, right here.

So that's what this sound is all day !

Hey how are you ? Nice to meet you Bill. Bill, mister Bill, oh noooooo, mister Bill, oooooooh. S&L ? When they pull him apart.

This is smaller than your old place. Yes, well I'm buying it and I'm not renting it. So it's still an upgrade.

Sometimes teenagers use it for sex.

Stanley, I just played Dunder Ball with Toby, What about you ? You got any games ? Yeah, I got a game, it's called work hard so my kids can go to college.

I am going to put a surround sound system, I am going to put a plasma screen right against this wall... owww terrible idea

Oh man, these babies are thin !

This scented candle, which I found in the men's bathroom, represents the eternal... burning of competition... or something. It smells like cookies.

Now the bronze are really blue, and they're also the backside of the gold, so no flipping ok ? honor system.

I do play games, I sing, and I dangle things in front of my cats. I play lots of games, just not at work.

10 year fixed, over 30, 30 year total - Ow 30 years ! - Ok, ok. Wow you'll be paying this off in your mid-seventies.

Hey look cool ! carpenter ends.

A 30 year mortgage at Michael's age, essentially means that he's buying a coffin. If I were buying my coffin, I would get one with thicker walls, so you couldn't hear other dead people.

Jim, they refer to it as Flonkerton, in English 'box of papers snowshoe racing.'

The thing about Jim is, when he's excited about something like the office Olympics, he gets really into it and he does a really great job, but the problem with Jim is that he works here so that hardly ever happens.

Where are all the hot people ? I was told that there would be all these attractive singles, Who told you that ? And as far as I can I tell, I'm the best looking person here.

There's a basic principle, in real estate, that you should never be the best looking person in the development. It's sort of a common sense, because if you are, then you'll get no place to go but down.

I made the right decision. I'm glad I signed, I'm a home-owner, right ? Good to be a home-owner, diversifying, this is good.

It's Phyllis ! Phyllis by a nose gold-medal in flunenton, flunkerton ! Thank you ! Delegate from Iceland.

And that is why I am going to let you move in to my third bedroom, and pay me rent.

Why did I do it ? Because I believe in rewarding people for their efforts, I rewarded Dwight with the room, and he is rewarding me back with 500 $ plus utilities.

What the hell is a terrarium ? It's a fish tank for snakes and lizards. Oh, so an aquarium.

I call it Pam-Pong, I count how many times Jim gets up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you. We're friends. Apparently.

Are you calling me a ho ? Oh my god, Phyllis coming alive, I like it.

Thank god ! It was nice of him to offer, but I live in a nine bedroom farmhouse. I have my own crossbow range, it's a perfect situation for me.

And it's under the porch.

Yeah, well you know what nobody cares about your stupid beet farm. Beets are the worst ! People loved beets ! Nobody likes beets. Everyone loves beets. Nobody likes beets Dwight.

You should grow candy. I'd love a piece of candy right now, not a beet.

What is going on ? Nothing. Guys, time is still going, or... That's my stopwatch.

I figured I could throw it away now, or I could keep it, for a couple of months and then throw it away. I mean it was really nice at Pam to make them, but... what am I gonna do with a gold medal made of paperclips and an old yogurt lid ?

Congratulations to Michael, because he closed on his condo, so gold medal !

I don't really know what to say, I'm not one for making speeches, but... My heart is very full at this moment.

Silver medal. Yep, but not as good as gold !

Why are you playing the national hymn ? Cause your condo is in America. Oh.

What the hell is that ? Those are the doves.