Did I Stutter?

Every time Michael's in a meeting, he makes me come in and give him a Post-it note telling him who's on the phone. I did it once and he freaked out. He loved it so much.

The thing is he doesn't get that many calls. So he has me make them up every 10 minutes.

Ah, this is a very important client, but I have the most important client sitting right in front of me, my boss.

Money isn't everything, Ryan. And you're my friend, and I don't want to be rude.

Hiya, buddy.

The company fired her for having the courage to augment her boobs.

Yes. Yes. Pattern. 'Pat-turn.' My friend Pat took a turn.

'Dis-ray.' My friend Dis Ray got new specs.

Dis Ray Spect. My friend In-A-Pro drives a Prius with his behind neighbor.

Does this work for you? Yep.

Million dollars. 4 million. $4 million! Man, that is a lot of guacamole! Lot of the green. Lot of green.

Perfect crime!

Yeah, a bunch of rich lawyers took the bus.

Abso-fruitly.

My boyfriend is 12.

I don't talk trash. I talk smack. They're totally different. Trash talk is all hypothetical, like, 'Your mama's so fat', 'she could eat the Internet.' But smack talk is happening, like, right now. Like, 'You're ugly and I know it for a fact 'cause I got the evidence right there.'

Your boyfriend is so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball.

Jim couldn't hit a Ping-Pong ball if it was the size of the moon.

Were Jim's parents first cousins that were also bad at Ping-Pong?

Toby? Are you renewing your divorce vows before my deposition?

People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at, like ice-skating. He is a very good ice-skater.

Awesome!

I haven't actually seen it, but I have seen The Firm and I'm planning on renting The Pelican Brief.

That's what she said.

Well, delivery's all wrong. She's butchering it.

She thought it had to do with the twins. That's what I call them.

To be delicate, they hang off milady's chest. They make milk.

Yes. And frankly, the timing was nothing short of predominant.

Well, it depends on how you define begin. I mean, if it's from the first time we shook hands, like, six years ago. If it's from the first time we kissed, it's, like, two years ago. If it was from the first time we kissed sober, it was, like, four months after that.

'Mr. Scott, do you realize you just contradicted yourself?' 'I did.' 'Yes, you did.' 'Can I go to the bathroom?' 'No.' 'I really have to. I've been drinking lots of water.' 'You went five minutes ago.' 'That wasn't to go to the bathroom, that was to get out of a question.' 'You still have to answer it.' 'First, can I go to the bathroom?' 'No.'

Zoran Primorac, Jan-Ove Waldner, Wang Tao, Joerg Rosskopf and, of course, Ashraf Helmy. I even have a life-sized poster of Hugo Hoyama on my wall.

And the first time I left Pennsylvania was to go to the Hall of Fame induction ceremony of Andrzej Grubba.

'Just got back from Jamaica, tan almost everywhere. Jan, almost everywhere. Hee, hee.'

'Jan was very specific that this is not going anywhere,' 'that it was a onetime mistake.' 'But we had sex six times, so you tell me.' 'I am definitely feeling very eerie.'

Could you make it 11?

When I was a kid, my parents got divorced. They both wanted custody and they both asked me to testify against the other one in court. So, I don't know. I didn't want them to get divorced in the first place, you know? I love them both so much. I just wanted...

You e-mailed a topless photo of me to everyone in our company. Let's call it even.

Not a woman, just a cool, great-looking, best friend.

Of water.

'I am out of carrots. I am out of sticks.' 'Mr. Scott has time and again proven himself' 'to be an unmanageable employee and a poor branch manager.' 'I recommend he be removed from that position' 'and reassigned to sales where he belongs.'

Well, he has gone from completely hopeless to simply miserable.

No, no, no, he works here, dumb ass!

See? I was number-one contender. I was being groomed.

David Wallace, 'No.'

Yes! Way to go! See that? Yeah. The floppy-haired girl you date won a point.

Hey, hey, you, you I don't like your boyfriend 'Cause, 'cause, 'cause, 'cause 'Cause he sucks at Ping-Pong

Michael, I am very sorry. Oh, hey, no biggie. Just... No, no, no. This was rough. We never meant for you to get caught in the middle of this.

I think you're a nice guy, too.

You expect to get screwed by your company, but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend.

How about Chinese? We should really try to save some money. How about something cheap? That was my cheap suggestion. Chinese was my cheap suggestion.