Lecture Circuit (2)

I have now memorized all of your names. Shirty, mole, lazy eye, Mexico, baldy.

Hi, Kelly. Screw you. Excuse me. Screw you, too. You forgot her birthday.

Juvie.

Two. I didn't eat lunch. I didn't eat all my lunch.

She's hypo-allergenic, she doesn't struggle when you try to dress her, she's a third-generation show cat. Her father was in Meet the Parents.

How much? $7,000. For a cat? I can get you a kid for that.

I sold Andy's engagement ring on eBay.

Seven grand. I've got to see that little bitch.

this company still doesn't recognize cat maternity. I mean, somebody has a kid, oh, sure, take off a year.

She's right. I had my second kid just for the vacation.

Because their office is only accessible by cross-country skis.

My boyfriend dumped me, so I stole his boat. He told me it was his boat. It was actually his father's.

I just thought it'd be really romantic, like Thelma & Louise, but with, like, a boat.

I thought you said yesterday was your birthday.

I hate it. How do you hate it? It's a cake.

I forgot if there was an 'E' between the 'L' and the 'Y.' I still don't know.

It's birthday. Frosting. Those aren't themes.

Nice job on the cake, bozo. Okay, you know what? Next time, I'll let you get the cake and I get to scream at the birthday girl.

She's not here? But if you need to get in touch with her immediately, you could talk to A.J. He's a salesman here. A.J. Yeah, he's her boyfriend.

She has a boyfriend. I'm so sorry, Michael.

And then she'll move back to Scranton, and her boyfriend will die.

That one ugly cat is humping Princess Lady. No! Awesome. Stop it, Mr. Ash! Bad cat, that is very bad.

Is this how you are with Pam? Because she must want to shoot herself in the face.

Good morning, Viet-Nashua!

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn about paper, and get them to show us the money?

A.J. What kind of name is A.J.? What, do you race cars?

Does it feel good? Does what feel good? Your life.

That was weird, huh? It's all part of the presentation.

Sales is like a box of chocolates. You never know which vendor you're gonna get.

Blazer, freckles, penguin, K.D. Lang, Holly's boyfriend.

I have a chainsaw! Cutting down the competition.

Where is that bad cat? You know who you are. Excuse me, Petals, I'm looking for Mr. Ash. He's a bad cat. Bad, bad cat.

Is she cleaning the cat with her tongue?

The psychological issues that go behind licking a cat are not things I want to go into. Also, I'm pretty sure she coughed up a hairball.

I went through Holly's things. What? I stole a sleeve of her sweater. I also stole something off of her computer. A document called 'Dear Michael.'

our ideal party consists of beer, fights to the death, cupcakes, blood pudding, blood, touch football, mating, charades and, yes, horse hunting.

Here's one. It was dark, warm, wet. A sudden burst of light, an intense pressure like I'd never felt before. Father dressed in white pulls me forward, mother bites the cord.

Schrutes don't celebrate birthdays, idiot. It started as a Depression-era practicality and then moved on to an awesome tradition that I look forward to every year.

Hey, you know what's even cooler than triceratops? Every other dinosaur that ever existed.

Why is there a Chiclet on my cake? That's the best part. That represents a pillow. Or a television.

Because the fun part is you get to decide on an hour of television or an hour of napping. That's our theme.

Can she pick a half hour of each? No. No.

I'm too excited to sleep.

Birthday time is over. Now go make up for all the work you missed when you were taking your nap.

Who have I wronged? Who have I wronged? Oh! Oh! What about that fat guy from Stamford that I insulted? We should find him.

Jabba the Hutt, Pizza the Hut. Fat guys like pizza, pepperoni pizza, Pepperoni Tony.

You know what? Forget it. I know me. When I saw him I would never be able to apologize to him. Too fat. Big, fat fatty.