Secret Santa

Andy have a boo-boo tummy

Crazy diarrhea happening right now. 'Cause things can get real adult real fast.

Wittle-ittle, footie-wooties, num-nums, jammies, make boom-boom, widiciwus, and Whode Island

Do I sometimes replace Rs with Ws? Do I sometimes repeat a word to get my point across? Well, if I do, Andy's sowwy.

It makes me look like I hire babies

a lot of people think your Elvis voice is annoying

Thank you. Thank you a lot.

Tank you, Mr. Elvis. You're welcome, baby.

Dr. Tuna M.D., I have some terrible news.

the entire office has come down with a pernicious case of the Mondays

Don't worry. There is a surefire cure. Employee of the Month.

Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers, AIG, my summer at Enron

There's about three news alerts from Nip Slip. For what? Nip Slip.

Must be hackers.

Did you murder someone? Worse than murder.

I miss Pam.

From what? Two to four? Yep.

In approximately six hours Jim will get a phone call from David Wallace. He will be fired.

Has it really been 10 years?

I have made some empty promises in my life, but hands down, that was the most generous.

I bring good news, like when I promised those kids I'd pay for college.

I bet if you tried, you could grow the best beard of anyone in this office.

I didn't mean any of those things I just said.

In an ideal world I would have all 10 fingers on my left hand, so my right hand could just be a fist for punching.

You know what? You know, I shouldn't go in there. I'm pretty busy. I shouldn't...

Hey, Mr. Scott, what you gonna do / What you gonna do / Make our dreams come true

Jim said that?

Number nine, number nine, Jim Halpert.

How come not...

Yeah, but, in your perfect world, only you get money.

All right. I came here today because I promised you tuition, and tuition is very valuable. But you know what's invaluable? Is intuition.

I'm sorry, okay, I'm sort of spacing your name. I'm Zion. I'm Mikela's younger brother.

I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn't even close, and then I thought maybe by the time I was 40, but by 40 I had less money than when I was 30.

Some people have evil dreams, some people have selfish dreams, or wet dreams. My dream was in the right place.

you don't have to go to class to be in class. Online courses are a viable option

which is rendered useless without batteries, and I have one for each of you.

Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. They're lithium.

Son of a bitch! Pam Halpert.

Oh, really? From what? Two to four? Yep.

Tell him I'm mad at Jim 'cause he's asking us to give money to Pam.

This is Stanley Hudson. Jim Halpert is a menace.

They're expensive. Yeah, well, I owe you that at least, right? It's about $1,000. Really? Wow. That's over $200 a year.

No, $1,000 each year. For... Okay. Okay.

That's a lot of zeroes.

Jim, I bumped you up because I thought you could make my life easier. If you can't do that, we're gonna have a separate discussion.

I destroyed 15 young lives today. No. Yes.

90% of Scott's Tots are on track to graduate, and that's 35% higher than the rest of the school

Well, you know, when I hired Kevin, he was actually applying for a job in the warehouse.

What? Diabolical plan? I wouldn't even know how to begin...