Niagara (2)

The fundamentals of business. Mental is a part of the word. I have underlined it. Because you're mental if you don't have a good time.

Small things... Peas, ball bearings, dimes.

I caught my son taking a dump on the upper part of the toilet. He calls it an upper-decker.

What you people don't know about business I could fill a book with. - Then do it. - What? Write a book.

The fundamentals of business by Michael Scott. Over 1 billion sold. More than the Bible. I'm not surprised.

Your schedule just says nine till noon is creative space. - Do you know how creative space works?

You don't have anything in the afternoon. It just says, 'free play.' - Push 'free play' till tomorrow morning.

You're seeing how the sausage gets made. Come in the conference room, and I will show you a finished sausage.

Jim's gone on his honeymoon. So I started borrowing his office to fart in. Then one day, I came in, and I just stayed. 'cause this place is awesome.

Even better than my home. My home sucks.

Think you're right. Definitely looks suspicious. And his southern italian heritage raises some flags.

Guys, I drive an SUV. Does that mean I'm in the mob? - No, not that by itself. But look at all the facts.

All Mobsters have a front. Sometimes it's selling insurance. Sometimes, it's waste management or sanitation.

Buy my insurance, or I burn your warehouse down. - He did talk about a fire in the warehouse. And he also vaguely threatened me with testicular cancer.

Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon, so there's not the usual balance between sane and others. Toby has mentally checked out since June. The coalition for reason is extremely weak.

John Gotti, you idiot. It's a completely different name. - So he won't get caught. - It's pretty close. What mobster would change his name from Gotti to Grotti? It weakens it.

'R' is among the most menacing of sounds. That's why they call it murder, not 'mukduk.'

Too many different words coming at me from too many different sentences.

Unless someone very close to us is in immediate physical danger, you should not be calling us. - You're right. Sorry.

Not only that, but if they find out you snitched, you get a dead horse's chopped-off head in your bed. - That's not gonna happen. - That's an exaggeration.

Criminals are like raccoons. You give them a taste of cat food, pretty soon, they'll back for the whole cat.

If I'm gonna back you up, I need a weapon without drawing suspicion. And I have to justify it somehow, so I'm a mechanic with a tire thing.

Do you know how to use it? - To change tires? No. But... it's metal. I could hit somebody.

The bathroom checks out clean. Nothing behind the toilet except this roach motel.

You want to separate the head from the thorax. - Cool it.

383 Linden Ave., Scranton, PA. - And May I have the last four digits of your social security? - 6650.

I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer. - Very funny, sir.

I'll have linguini, red sauce on the side. If the sauce does not come on the side, I will send it back. I want garlic bread, toasted, not burnt. If it comes burnt, I will send it back.

I will have the gabba-gool. - The what? - The gabba-gool. - I don't really know what that is.

Bring him the gabba-gool! - I will have the spaghetti.

With a side salad. If the salad is on top, I send it back.

Why would you cancel Jim's credit cards? - I usually can think quick on my feet. But they were so fast on the phone.

You would love jail. - Why would I love jail? - Because... You would love it.

Sorry to bother you. Are you a mechanic? My battery's dead. I've got my kid. Can you please help? - Yes, I can.

Black goes on the red with the... If we... Positive... It being a motor drive, it's just probably... down.

You got a leaky spark tube. So your car's totaled. You're just gonna want to get a refund on that.

I work exclusively on motorcycles.

I had this car, 'cause... This Italian car. And I was driving it, and it kept telling me how much it needed oil. But I wouldn't give it any oil. And then, one day, it exploded. And it killed everyone.

Aren't you a mechanic? Why wouldn't you put oil in the car? - It was before my technical training.

You were man enough to back down, michael. I'm proud of you. - I had to make a snap decision. - It wasn't a snap. You were sitting there for an hour.

How did you get this number? - We're on a catamaran. - It wasn't easy. I had to tell the hotel that it was a medical emergency. I chose massive coronary, 'cause you told me that your dad... had a bad heart.

Accounting-wise, no. But phone-wise, just call up and cancel it.

Are you saying... that we surgically remove the fear center from Michael's brain?

I have a buddy who's a fed, and we did a background check on the guy. - I have friends still on the force. Checked with them. - Ran his fed friend up the flagpole to make sure he wasn't on the take.

If there is one thing I hate more than the mafia, it is a liar. I wish the mafia would go out and kill all the liars. And bury them in my yard.

So I looked him in the eye, and I said, 'Not today, Grotti. Not today. And not tomorrow. And not the next day or the day after that. And you can tell all your friends that if I see them, then they are already dead.' I said something like that. Very close.

Coffee. Not from the kitchen. Stop and shop. If it's not stop and shop, I send it back. Large. If it's a medium, I send it back. If it's an extra-large, I send it back.

Listen, Our credit card has been canceled, and we have to deal with that, and I really can't handle the fact that you're calling us here! - That sounds good. I'll let you go.