Welcome Party

Glad they didn't mix up your tonsillectomy with a moustachectomy.

Oh, because your jokes are all hilarious.

Stanley doesn't have a moustache.

The whole card depends on this!

The man's worked here for 25 years. How can none of us picture his face?

'Cause we come here to do our jobs. We don't stick our noses in other people's business.

Neither of those looks like any person that has ever existed or been dreamt of in the history of human insanity.

Stanley arriving and everyone reacting to confirm he does have a mustache

Good morning, Robert, says no one, because our receptionist is in Florida.

Is this a video conference you're having with... 'Drake, featuring Swizz Beatz'?

Nellie's elaborate snooze button story with sound effects

I've never believed willpower was very important in a woman.

Are there a lot of Irish people living around here? Yes. Yes. Ugh! I hate that! No offense.

Ay, caramba! The natives are getting restless!

Keep that stuff on the basketball court. Or the squash court, or the supreme court.

Why Jim?

We're throwing a party for someone because they're being horrible? We're taking work time to move someone's personal belongings?

I'm still not sure why this woman is even here. Why is she here?

Oh, no, no, I mean that must be nice to have parents.

Right here in the break room. Order carrot cake.

And I'll remember you as a gentleman. Okay. That was one minute and ten seconds. Consider it nailed.

Oh, I think I'll just use this line horizontally. Oh, I had no idea what a gift this line is.

Bunch of grown men waving wands, pulling bunnies out of body crevices.

Haulin' cube! That's moving boxes. We just came up with the term to make it sound cooler.

She needed a ride because she totaled her car.

I wonder if king-sized sheets are called presidential-sized in england. I really should have a tweeter account.

Here's the two of them kissing at a beach and kissing at the Eiffel Tower. I'm guessing he's some kind of close romantic friend. Like a boyfriend?

New theory-- He's a hated Italian politician. Better theory-- This is her ex-boyfriend, and they went through some kind of painful breakup.

That's what I call my box full of photos of Henry. Why not call... Shh!

If it would help you to forget, I could hit you in the brain stem with this candle stick.

What kind of fool gets her heart broken by a bloody stage magician?

Call it off, Pam. Call it off, okay? It's way more complicated than you think. Cancel the magician. Trust me.

We're in far too deep. We can't change course at this point. Suck it!

Do you want a gummy penis? No, I'll just have some gummy bears. These are delicious. But... they're penises.

Maybe we don't pop that one. No, pop Matthew. Pop it!

Andy was Jelly Roll. Mike was Dennis The Menace. Ryan was douche bag. Hey, that's not a code name. That's just an insult.

How 'bout we go with Pam? 'Cause there's someone already here named Pam. Hey!

They asked me to play only originals. I said, 'Have you heard my originals? They're terrible.' They said, 'Even better.'

Super-honesty time. I'm gay. I am gay, and I prefer men.

I had to imagine that I was in a steam room with John Stamos.

Every day I imagine how happy I'd be if Pam died.

We hate Pam. We hate Pam. We hate Pam! We hate Pam!

Probably from seeing that turkey. When we drove by the farm. Ohh. Always does it.

Big guy, huh? How's the air up there? Watch out for... birds.

No hablo el cardo, señor?

Before I was a magician, I used to work... at a rope factory. 'Cause that's not a real place.

Okay, scram, wizard.

This cake has vegetables in it. Like a salad bar, Robert.

Super-duper honesty time. I'm not gay.

I can't believe you're not gay!

You don't think he could have used... It couldn't have been...