Finale

PBS. The propaganda wing of Bill and Melinda Gates, and viewers like you.

It will be nice to see everyone again. I haven't seen Kevin since we let him go.

I've been looking forward to this day since I was 18 years old.

Speech! No.

Get out? What does that mean? / It's a colloquial way of saying you're fired, Kevin.

The cake has spoken, Pam. Sorry.

Toby will stop it. Any time anyone's ever been fired, Toby's blocked it, so... / Yeah. Yeah, I don't think... / Toby, wait, wait. Hold that thought. Here's your cake.

Bye, bye, Toby

At least I got chocolate.

I bike to work now. It saves on gas, it's cheaper than a vasectomy

My heart is so open. I'm so at peace. / Ugh. Look at Meredith. She's disgusting.

Those feet. They're like the paws of an orangutan.

Now that she's wearing sports bras, we don't see her boobs as much.

Oh, and the old man to feed us the cheese that he's been fermenting since the day of my birth.

I hired him back after Creed faked his own death in the baler the day after the doc aired.

The only person he fooled was Kevin.

Turns out Creed was in the band The Grass Roots, in the 1960s. During that time, the police say he sold drugs. And trafficked in endangered species meat. And stole weapons-grade LSD from the military.

Party time, whorehouse. / No. No whorehouse. This is Dwight's night. Okay?

bestisch Mensch

Guten pranken.

often times in Hollywood portrayals of bachelor parties, there are accidental murders. That won't be necessary tonight.

Mose has been weird? That's so unlike him.

when I started sobbing uncontrollably, apparently, that struck a chord with quite a lot of people. Not a very compassionate chord.

You can't just sit here and cry. / I can so just sit here and cry!

I actually got a call from the Double Rainbow guy and the fat Star Wars kid. Turns out they have a support group. Not really my scene.

He used to call it a 'keleven.' He told Dwight, 'A mistake plus keleven gets you home by 7:00.' He was home by 4:45 that day.

I live in Poland now. The Scranton of the EU.

How long have you been stalking me? / No, no, no. My flight just got in from New York. / Are you still with Pyotr? / No, and I thought I unfriended you.

I have six roommates, which are better than friends, you know, because they have to give you one month's notice before they leave.

Hey-o!

A bear hug from my favorite mama grizzly.

Must've been another devilishly handsome debonair individual.

You remember my two Lap-Band surgeries, right? / Neither do I.

Guten prank number one.

They wanted me to go to the bachelorette party with the girls. Really? Such a cliché. I'm a man.

Waazzuup!

What, are you going to whack me, Jim? / No, Dwight. You'll be doing the whacking.

A bazooka. You remembered.

Guten prank number two.

Hey, I know you. You going to sit here and cry?

We're very close. We even have our own special language. / People love it. / They do.

So we'll have an onion loaf for the table, please. And tell us about your heartiest soups.

It tastes like cigarettes. That won't work.

Mom? / Wait, Wait. What? / Oh, man.

Give them a good show, my little entrepreneur.

Stripper's only as good as his song.

Be gentle, Jakey, gentle! / If anything, this is rougher!

You're telling me! If you want her to leave, just tip her. / What for? We haven't even gotten bread yet!

Great, which one is that? / Mmm. Hey, driver, why don't you take us to 3030 Adams?

That's six 'wells'. Did I get that number right, Dwight?

I heard you bought a bar, Kevin. / Yes, I did. This one. / Now, get out.

You? You did this as a prank. My own bestisch Mensch. / Nope, not a prank.

Waste of a good hatchet.

I saw him making his portrait out of a Wooly Willy.

Your Internet searches were so filthy we had to throw out your computer.

Guten prank number three.

And her legs are still numb from being in the trunk.

The man who delivered my divorce papers came by fan boat, which was kind of fun.

I got hated on pretty hard when that auto-tune went viral.

Yeah, people hate you.

It's like seeing a documentary about how your food is made. It's kind of disgusting. You learn a lot, but I didn't want to know any of it.

Uh, no one recognizes me, but now all my friends call me Plop. So, thanks, PBS.

All I can say is, if I had Jim, he'd have a free pass to do anything. I mean if I lucked into that, he could do anything. Anything.

Do you find that your life feels pointless now that nobody's actually filming you anymore? / Yes.

For the first seven years I was getting my PhD in school psychology and they didn't show it. Yes, I was getting hammered, but, hey, it was college.

It's like a long book that you never want to end, and you're fine with that because you just never, ever want to leave it. / Like Harry Potter? / Yeah. Like Harry Potter.

More just like, 'Mom, I hate you,' and then she would say, 'Go to your room, young lady,' and I'd stamp my foot and run upstairs. And I have a room, which is really cool.

Mom?

I can show you my social security card if it helps.

Can you imagine if I'd worn my Jimmy Choos? / I just saved you 600 bucks, mister.

Never came back. Oldest story in the book.

No, Kelly, he is not named after a hip-hop artist from 2011. It's Drake, like a mix of Drew and Blake.

Ravi's a pediatrician, and some of his patients are total uggos. / Uh, they're called premature, sweetie.

Thanks for not locking the door when I asked you to, Phyllis! / Sorry, Phyllis. You didn't know.

The minister just told me that it's tradition for the bestisch Mensch to be older than the groom. / Oh, come on. I've never heard of such a thing.

That's what she said.

Best prank ever.

See, I get what they're trying to do, but why are the graves so shallow?

Complimentary hay hooks are placed along the aisles. Just stab them on in there.

I let him suck on a strawberry. He's allergic, but he'll get over it fast.

Michael has so many pictures of his kids, he had to get two phones with two numbers, and he pays two bills. He's just so happy to have a family plan.

It's me.

Kelly was hoping that you would keep the baby so they can start a new life together.

I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other. It's every parent's dream!

It sounds kind of lame. No offense.

Well, you bought the house without telling me, so I thought I could sell it without telling you.

I had to pledge $50 to my local PBS station just to get this.

Oh, um, I kind of meant just everybody from the office.

It took me so long to do so many important things. It's just hard to accept that I spent so many years being less happy than I could have been.

if you film anybody long enough, they're going to do something stupid. It's only human natural.

Don't be an idiot. It's for the severance.

Oh, right, for what? The art? The music? The incredible night life? No, thank you.

Oh, I can so just sit here and cry!

I wish there was a way to know you're in the good old days before you've actually left them.

But seriously, you made a nine-year documentary and you couldn't once show me doing my origami?

I think I'm gay. / Why do you say that? / It's just that I'm so emotional. / You're not gay. You're not gay.

I just feel lucky that I got a chance to share my crummy story with anyone out there who thinks they're the only one to take a dump in a paper shredder. You're not alone, sister.

There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that kind of the point?