Fresh off successful campaign appearances for midterm elections, Selina sees an opportunity to expand her role, but must first curry favor with Kent Davison, the president's icy senior strategist. Meanwhile, there are new developments in the staff's personal lives.
Season premiere reboots Selina's chaos at 1.6 jokes per minute, sustaining 83-point momentum.
Directed by Chris Morris · Written by Will Smith
WAR
67
Wins Above Replacement
“Midterms” ranks #13 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 83.8 — Elite. The episode packs 57 scored jokes at 1.6 per minute, averaging 7.3 on craft and 7.1 on impact, with Selina landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
So when it hits 2:00 A.M., my eyes will say Holocaust, my mouth will say Carnival.
Selina Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch I want a Cartier fucking dildo.
Selina Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Kent Davison? The Pol Pot of pie charts.
Sue Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch Uzbekistan is between Turkmenistan and I-could-give-a-fuck-istan.
Ben Wordplay/Pun Observational ★ Rewatch It's like a happy Nuremberg.
All Jokes — 57 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ There is no 'I' in freedom. Freedom is not 'medom.' It's 'wedom.'
Selina Wordplay/Pun Absurdist ★ Rewatch I visited a dance studio in Hartford, Connecticut. When I was there, I met a brave firefighter in a wheelchair. Back then, we didn't know what HIV positive was. Which meant he had to lose his kidney. He shook my hand and he said, 'You don't remember me, but I am your grandpa.'
Selina Absurdist Escalation ★ Rewatch I fluffed 'em, now go fuck 'em.
It's like a happy Nuremberg.
Florida... ought to break it off at Jacksonville and row it to Cuba.
Ben Observational Dark/Subversive Are you getting ready to dump a bucket of pig's blood on my head?
Ben Observational Meta/Self-Referential Yeah, you lost, Dale. Oh, my God. And, actually, I was told that you'd been told.
Selina Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy No, not for you, Marjorie. In fact, that's probably why you lost the New Jersey fifth.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive I want a Cartier fucking dildo.
Selina Escalation Absurdist ★ Rewatch Well, he told my mom he felt worse that time he ate gay Jap raw fish shit.
Amy Character Comedy Observational Oh, Amy, that's a great sign, because that's a very complex sentence. Unless he's slurring his words.
Selina Observational Character Comedy Yeah, this is you, Gary... 'Dana, Dana, Dana, Dana.'
Sue Character Comedy Observational So when it hits 2:00 A.M., my eyes will say Holocaust, my mouth will say Carnival.
Selina Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch Oh, that's 'cause your laptop is still running on Windows 2000 and shit.
Jonah Observational Character Comedy Tonight there's gonna be a plane crash shunting a train wreck onto a crowded highway.
Jonah Observational Escalation Not money problems, money challenges.
Jonah Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Oh, ker-chung, ker-ching. Pay up.
Dan Wordplay/Pun Observational That and the big quake hasn't yet hit San Francisco.
Kent Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement Like she's ever gonna need that. I mean, she's not ugly, but she's got a lot of security.
Mike Observational Character Comedy I have a cracked keel, I have to dry-dock it. There's a bilge, which I don't even know where the fuck...
Mike Character Comedy Escalation I'd like to be cryogenically suspended. Yeah, and then be woken up in the future? No, never wake up. Just stay suspended.
Ben Dark/Subversive Escalation Yeah, he's got ice in his semen.
Ben Character Comedy Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch You know that portrait with the guy who looks like a fat Wolverine? It's just one door on the left from there.
Ben Observational Visual Gag My good friend POTUS, my Gamma Chi brother, is gonna summon me to his office and he's gonna show me a sword and he's gonna tell me to take the sword and slide it down my throat until it comes out my ass.
Ben Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch Oh, yeah, it's in the office next to your Klonopin and feminine itch powder.
Mike Character Comedy Dark/Subversive Kent Davison? The Pol Pot of pie charts.
Sue Wordplay/Pun Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch You know what they call guys like you in prison? Sweetmeat.
Furlong Dark/Subversive Character Comedy You're gonna have to be prepared to be gay for the stay 'cause you're going down.
Am I supposed to ask a question now? Oh, sure. If you want. Fire away. And what would that question be? Well, that question might be what do you think is the best reposition to take? And what would the answer to that question be? And the answer to that question would be standing right in front of you.
Honey, if you're not at the table, you're probably on the menu.
Selina Observational Character Comedy And, Kent, I will not be eaten.
Selina Callback Character Comedy Callback Why would anyone want to eat you?
Kent Deadpan/Understatement Character Comedy Yeah, it's the only thing I'd save if this building were on fire.
Kent Character Comedy Observational Why don't you take the first bullet and put it through your brain?
Ben Dark/Subversive Callback Callback Well, salt and pepper 'em.
Selina Callback Absurdist Callback You have as much chance of getting the vice president on your show as you have of getting your husband to leave that cheerleader.
Sue Character Comedy Dark/Subversive It's kind of like dumping all my ex-boyfriends at once.
Sue Observational Character Comedy You can't reason with him. It'd be like explaining Supertramp to a Komodo dragon.
Mike Absurdist Observational ★ Rewatch like some sort of thick rubber condom
Selina Observational Character Comedy So put everything on the wagons and shoot the dogs because we have just lost the fucking House.
Ben Dark/Subversive Escalation Screw you and the face you rode in on, Dan.
Furlong Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy No, I said don't wave it in my face. I didn't say eat it. Eat it! Eat it all right now!
It's not like it's Google.
Sophie Observational Character Comedy Oh, God. It's fucking Big Bird.
Dan Observational Character Comedy Jesus, I can feel my virginity growing back in here.
Dan Observational Character Comedy Is that a racist joke? Yeah.
Jonah Dan Meta/Self-Referential Cringe/Discomfort Always with the last word. That's why you're single. Guys hate that. You have three kids by two different guys. Maybe your last word should have been no.
By definition, you should be at half the height of the president.
Kent Observational Character Comedy Now why don't you just go and fuck yourself in your own asshole?
Selina Character Comedy Escalation Fuck that lipstick!
Selina Escalation Character Comedy Callback I'm a big part of Gary's life now. And you're welcome to him. I think we both know that any woman who's met him but didn't get to keep him is gonna see me as the enemy. I'm sorry, but you missed your chance.
Dana Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Uzbekistan is between Turkmenistan and I-could-give-a-fuck-istan.
Ben Wordplay/Pun Observational ★ Rewatch I need that stuff that junkies use. You know, when it takes a cop 15 bullets to put him down.
Selina Dark/Subversive Observational There's a horse coming out of my head.
Much like when Bigfoot got your mom pregnant, resulting in you.
Mike Character Comedy Absurdist I think your ass is perfect.
Gary Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Well, we are the United States of America because we are united and we are states and we are of America.
Selina Absurdist Character Comedy ★ Rewatch 