Selina and her staff try to cope when the administration goes into full crisis mode.
Rapid-fire wordplay and character escalation sustain 71 jokes across season finale.
Directed by Tim Kirkby · Written by Armando Iannucci, Tony Roche
WAR
57.9
Wins Above Replacement
“D.C.” ranks #52 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 76.5 — Great. The episode packs 71 scored jokes at 1.8 per minute, averaging 7.0 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Selina landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
See this right here? You know what this is? This is me playing 'Fuck You' on the world's biggest cello.
Mike sees knowledge as the enemy.
Selina Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch (suppressed squeal) Yes! Fuck! Gosh!
You're the secretary to the vice president. That's like being Garfunkel's roadie, okay?
Ed Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Oh, God. I hate impeachments. They're so '90s.
Selina Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 71 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ Oh, God. I hate impeachments. They're so '90s.
Selina Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Oh, these lips are on lockdown. Right. You don't know. No, I just have a 'don't ask don't tell' policy about the things that I know. Or that I don't know.
You need to fuck off and go back to Westworld.
Ma'am, you have my deepest, deepest sympathies. Okay, well, I'm not dead.
Can you please tell Governor Chung that Dan Egan is ready for the Chung chat?
Dan Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Still, this might mean that we could spend more time together. Let's take it one day at a time.
Amy Ed Deadpan/Understatement The father figure my own dad was too weird and distant to be.
You know, you're gonna get bedsores.
They call me the Washington Flash. I doubt that.
I move as slowly as a Mississippi detective investigating the murder of a young black man.
Will Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch Wish I could break his spine. But I can't, 'cause it's made of Jell-O.
Are you finishing my sentence or are you telling me that again? Both.
Selina Ben Meta/Self-Referential Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch You're like a Viking stuck in time.
No, I'm being serious, too. I'd like to fuck her.
Chung Cringe/Discomfort Misdirection Why'd you leave anyway? You get stuck with your dick in the veep's decaf?
Why don't you fucking kill yourself, Will?
Chung Escalation Cringe/Discomfort No, I'm Joan fucking Rivers. Of course I'm serious.
While in your mind you're doing pirouettes on his grave.
Well, it's not the job that's depressing. Life is depressing.
(suppressed squeal) Yes! Fuck! Gosh!
You do and Secret Service might break your neck. That would be a tragedy.
Yeah, I'm burning calories with the old anxiety diet. Oh. You know, the anxiet.
If you want to get some cardio exercise, you have to have a heart.
Oh, I heard it from the Gingerhead Man. The gash with the stash. McLintock.
Mike sees knowledge as the enemy.
Selina Character Comedy Observational ★ Rewatch It's like saying flammable or inflammable. It's the same thing. I smell a fucking rat.
Then we'll find out whether it's flammable or inflammable. Come on, Wilbo Faggins, let's go.
You like to have sex and you like to travel? Yes, ma'am. Then you can fuck off.
Like the mighty oak that stands for-- ma'am.
Selina Meyer, she deals 'em fire. Bam! Boom! Let's go to the fucking moon!
Dan Character Comedy Escalation I was this close to living on my boat.
Can you give me some time with my core team? Um, Br-- Br- Ed. Bre-- Ed. Of course.
Selina Ed Cringe/Discomfort Awkward Silence They're celebrating because you weren't in there.
Amy Deadpan/Understatement They're celebrating because you weren't in there.
Amy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch Did you say a number? Currently four.
Wait a minute. You're choosing dead milk over me?
Like I'm Marilyn Monroe, just JFK the fuck out of me.
Hey, quit being so hot. You're gonna melt all my cheese.
You look like you did when I asked you to talk dirty. You were just like, 'I'm in you right now.'
You're on the good ship Pecorino now.
It's like I'm her central nervous system.
Honey, she'll get another bag bunny, I just know it.
What the fuck is wrong with you, Brett? This is not a big place, is it? It's not a big place.
Dana Escalation Cringe/Discomfort You, Chief of Staff to the president, me, chief of sexiness and spooning.
Yeah, it's like a noun-verb gumbo.
Why don't you change America to Shmamerica?
Amy Irony/Sarcasm Escalation Well, from up here, they look like ants. That's a joke. Because they are ants.
You're at a science fair. One of these kids could build you a charger.
So now our spineless, flip-floppy fuckbag is staying.
I've got to get out of here before I set fire to one of these nerds.
(Spanish accent) 'Mr. Ching, I come to America to work. I send money home, but life here is so hard for me.'
Jesus, the inside of his head must be like an Escher drawing.
Amy Character Comedy ★ Rewatch See this right here? You know what this is? This is me playing 'Fuck You' on the world's biggest cello.
If I had a dollar for every time you mentioned that goddamn war, I would buy a tank and I would blow your fat fucking head off.
That's Washington, DC, for you. DC-- District of Cunts.
We're like Area 51 except more restricted.
Information-wise, I am becalmed.
You've got to mello yellow. Don't tell me not to panic.
Everybody can just shut the shit up.
Has he been miniaturized?
Is it Bring a Disparate Person to Work Day?
Selina is about to get a Potal bullet through the head and you are all about to be unemployed and homeless.
You're the secretary to the vice president. That's like being Garfunkel's roadie, okay?
Ed Character Comedy ★ Rewatch I mean, it was just, you know, RIP-OTUS. Just complete sinking shit.
And so it begins. Yeah, with a kick to the tits.
I think that the president should only have her staff here. Or his staff. You know, their staff.
Selina Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Was your mom plagiarizing the Bible when she said, 'Oh, God, oh, God'?
Oh, no, you don't. You want to be president.
Selina Character Comedy Setup/Punchline Oh, no, you don't. You want to be president.
