First Response

She's kind of a lightweight now... She's a dud.

You're a fraud and a liar, ma'am. Wow. What? What are you doing? I'm hitting you.

It's conservative and desperate at the same time.

There's the bluff puff which we're gonna start out with... Then we switch right over to rough puff. Nobody does rough puff like you. Rrr. Give me that rough puff.

He is moving a legless horse.

I'm taking this really cool class where we sort of debate current issues through movement.

Looks like I'm masturbating if I got my hands in my pockets.

Put the blanket over it, or is that too FDR?

'Cause I feel like I fell into a well or something and it's hurting my neck.

Well, I took my ex down to the river and I tried to smash his head in with a rock and then drown--

I'm sorry, am I interrupting a team prayer meeting?

We're just doing a height thing. It was nothing.

she's wearing a bluish dress like she vomited flowers all over herself

She's kind of a frumpy librarian.

Just drag her in with the kindness, then turn great white and start taking chunks out of her. She's not much of a meal.

That's right. I think you've grown since then. Either that or you've gotten shorter.

No, it's me. I've got heels on. Well, anyway, I'm so happy you're here.

So you found the joint okay.

The three of them were excellent, so no pressure.

We're talking about the building, right? Because I'm original.

Many of the objay-ects-- objects

To see spies. If only, right?

This is a bell.

This is some old shit by somebody, I don't know who it is.

I hate this house, to tell you the truth. It's like living in a doll's jail.

But that looks like I have a stomachache.

Yeah, let me just pull that out of my ass. It's DC. You can find someone willing to open their ass on a Sunday.

It's DC. You can find someone willing to open their ass on a Sunday.

Sadly, I don't have a lot of time to read fiction.

No, I am hoping to get the box set for Christmas, though.

Jesus, you might as well cut out eyeholes and peer through a fucking newspaper. What the fuck are you doing? It's 'Apocalypse Now.'

Andrew's fucking us again. He's screwed us in all known dimensions.

He's political poison. He's political--

And then there's one of those winking emoticons at the bottom there.

We're not telepathically linked. He can't read my mind.

Ow! Whoa! Okay, my ears are my livelihood. You don't need to--

When I invited you here to the residence to fuck me, I didn't mean this.

How easy is it for the Vice President of the United States of America to get some casual sex, hmm? I'm convenient.

That's right, I am the Vice President of the United States and I choose now not to fuck you anymore.

Oh, Andrew's been veep-fucking? You knew about this?

We don't have a front door in our attic like in some sort of Dr. Seuss book or something.

Okay, this is a category five shit storm. She's over. She's done. I'm gone.

Once a week we get together for a gab and a gobble.

Knock, knock, J Rock is in the-- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

I give great talking head.

Janet, it's like when you loosen a pickle jar and somebody comes by and they just open it. This is the shutdown lid loosener. The pickle jar loosener.

I don't need a peeler. Thank you. Yeah, you need a peeler. Actually, I don't.

Well, you probably have so much staff in and out of here-- No, no, no. I know this kitchen like the back of my hand. Oh, that's not it. Okay, I don't know where-- This is maddening.

I'm not here. Okay, you're not here. I'm so sorry. I'm talking to myself. Where are you, peeler?

Are you working for the vegetable lobby?

You never told me that you were a vegetarian. I told you three months ago. No, you didn't, Catherine.

You swallowed chicken your entire life. You're gonna do it again today. I swallowed your bullshit my entire life.

With all due respect, this is not news. This is the fucking Food Channel you got here. Okay, well, with all due respect, fuck you.

Although not a great parent, admittedly. Well, actually, he did okay with his own kids. It's when other kids got involved that it got real dicey. But, no, then he did dangle that one from a great height.

If you'd just let someone get close enough to fuck some sunshine into you, you'd shut your mouth!

Look, I've graphed her performance, okay? Look at this. Look at this nice little graphic. Here's time, here's her fucking career.

Amy, when my memaw used to find herself getting snappy, she would sing her favorite song. ♪ Oh, I wish I were in the land of cotton ♪

White water rafting. - Italy. - Disneyland. - Which is it? - No, honey, we didn't ever go to Disneyland. - Oh, no, you didn't take me. Rosa took me with her family. - Who's Rosa? - She was a... - She was... - housekeeper.

Who's Rosa? She was a... She was... housekeeper. Housekeeper, that's right. You spent a lot of time with your housekeeper?

How about this? How about I lift up my dress, give everyone a big fat shot of my cooch?

Like a medley from 'Okla'-fucking-'homa'?

No, no, no. This way, I get a Christmas and a birthday present off of each of them.

Calling Tel Aviv now.

Because in politics, a backbone and a heart are only as good as your ears. And my ears are my livelihood.

I spewed out so much bullshit, I'm gonna need a mint. A fucking mint.

it's like a victory fuck? He better come down.