With the U.S. on the brink of a major financial meltdown, Selina must make an important decision. Jonah finds himself back in New Hampshire. Meanwhile, Amy investigates the staff, and Catherine tries to get time with Selina to share some major news.
Political chaos spirals into profanity scandal; 73 jokes land at steady 2.07-per-minute clip.
Directed by Brad Hall · Written by Georgia Pritchett, Will Smith
WAR
59.1
Wins Above Replacement
“C**tgate” ranks #50 of 65 Veep episodes on the Humor Index, scoring 76.9 — Great. The episode packs 73 scored jokes at 2.1 per minute, averaging 6.9 on craft and 6.7 on impact, with Selina landing the most laughs. Every joke is ranked below with its individual craft and impact scores.
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Top Jokes
Gary, C is for cunt.
Amy Character Comedy Observational Hanukah polls higher in Mecca.
Kent Observational Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch At least when Truman made the decision to drop the bomb, he wasn't fucking anyone in Hiroshima.
Ben Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch So who called me a cunt? Was it everybody? Pretty much, yeah.
Selina Amy Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch So, who had 12:50 P.M.?
Ben Observational Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch All Jokes — 73 analyzed
Show all ↓ Hide ↑ That's the literal definition of bailing something out. / There will be no bailouts.
Well, I hope to fiscal fuck the fed has a trillion dollars stuffed in a mattress somewhere.
Go to the ATM Monday and dust will come out.
Kent Observational Visual Gag Thanks, Kent's autism.
Selina Character Comedy Dark/Subversive At least when Truman made the decision to drop the bomb, he wasn't fucking anyone in Hiroshima.
Ben Dark/Subversive Observational ★ Rewatch That we know of.
Mike Deadpan/Understatement Callback That wood he's chopping, it's not gonna burn right.
His head is too big for his body. But then sometimes his body is too big for his head. He's the wrong shape.
Do you morons really not understand that this is a two-way mirror?
Jonah Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy I work in the fucking West Wing, you Pepperidge Farm ad motherfuckers.
Jonah Character Comedy Observational Sit your fucking mom jeans ass down, dude.
How is Catherine there and also here?
Selina Observational Reaction Beat Why does it keep doing the turning?
Selina Physical/Slapstick Character Comedy We need a Jonah whisperer, except somebody who's gonna, like, yell in his face and call him stupid.
Amy Observational Wordplay/Pun You're just sitting here farting into my couch.
Selina Character Comedy Observational It's in Annandale, Mike. No one from DC goes to fucking Annandale.
Dan Observational Character Comedy Then what's the point?
Dan Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement You wouldn't know the smart move if it bent you over and fucked you with a Coke bottle.
Mike Character Comedy Escalation I shouted it into my phone on the Acela Quiet Car.
Amy Escalation Cringe/Discomfort That's my final solution.
Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Some straight up JFK level shit.
Jonah Character Comedy Observational They said that we can't use the song 'Working Man' anymore because they find you odious.
Richard Character Comedy Observational Copyright shit went out with the Zune.
Jonah Observational Character Comedy Copyright shit went out with the Zune.
Jonah Observational Character Comedy ★ Rewatch And if you listen to me instead of your only two brain cells busy butt-fucking each other somewhere in the vast expanses of your misshapen skull...
Dan Character Comedy Escalation ★ Rewatch Holy shit, are you here to beg me for a job?
Jonah Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Your banner makes it look like your name is Jon H. Ryan, so great job, communications department.
Dan Observational Character Comedy How do you look so good with all this stress? You're glowing. You actually look younger. What did you do?
Selina Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Oh, my God, he noticed. I have a new facial moisturizer. And a new soap.
Gary Character Comedy Cringe/Discomfort ★ Rewatch Do you want to just have sex? / Yeah. / It's got to be quick, though. I got wheels up at 9:30.
Make an appointment to freeze eggs.
Amy Observational Reaction Beat Hanukah polls higher in Mecca.
Kent Observational Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch I could lose them both. I mean, at this stage they're purely decorative.
Ben Dark/Subversive Deadpan/Understatement That's Korean for 'I hate you.'
Kent Observational Deadpan/Understatement You know what we call people like you back in my day? Retards.
Dan Character Comedy Dark/Subversive She's a retired second grade teacher, for Christ's sake. / Yeah, who sucks and gives too much homework.
Dan Jonah Character Comedy Callback Callback It's so much more agreeable than anything that gets dished out in prison.
Bill Dark/Subversive Character Comedy I am fructose intolerant, you nitwit.
Bill Character Comedy Escalation I suppose you need something to nervously shit out.
Dan Character Comedy Observational So, who had 12:50 P.M.?
Ben Observational Dark/Subversive ★ Rewatch It's always good to see the most left-swiped face on Tinder.
Dan Character Comedy Observational Ah, I just blew the lid off of Cuntgate.
Leon Meta/Self-Referential Wordplay/Pun Although you do have the perfect face for it.
Leon Character Comedy Observational I was talking to her about how Wendy paid off my student loans and how I love her for it.
Mike Character Comedy Misdirection I guess when he had cancer, the doctors removed his ability to stop doing his kid's babysitter.
Jonah Dark/Subversive Character Comedy I don't recall that macaroni portrait, Mrs. Sherman.
Jonah Cringe/Discomfort Character Comedy Did you hear that dig about the macaroni portrait? Can you fucking believe that?
Jonah Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch The country, not the musical.
Kent Deadpan/Understatement Observational If we don't put a plan into action tomorrow morning, then by Monday we will be Greece. The country, not the musical.
Ben Wordplay/Pun Observational ★ Rewatch You can tear them a six-pack of new assholes.
Gary Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy Dan, I cannot fucking believe how terrible you are at your job. What, are you running on a platform of higher taxes and episiotomies?
Selina Escalation Observational ★ Rewatch What, are you running on a platform of higher taxes and episiotomies?
Selina Character Comedy Absurdist I'm gonna come up there myself and I'm gonna shoot you in your fucking mouth.
Selina Escalation Character Comedy You know, Selina Meyer is a second-rate mediocrity whose only achievement is single-handedly tanking the economy. But somehow we're the losers doing anal with each other?
Jonah Escalation Irony/Sarcasm ★ Rewatch You know, Selina Meyer is a second-rate mediocrity whose only achievement is single-handedly tanking the economy.
Jonah Character Comedy Irony/Sarcasm Guess he couldn't get a babysitter. Or could he?
Jonah Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Callback I took the liberty of arranging some hecklers. No charge.
Bill Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch This is so much more beautiful to watch than the birth of my child.
Bill Dark/Subversive Escalation ★ Rewatch This is so much more beautiful to watch than the birth of my child.
Dan Dark/Subversive Character Comedy ★ Rewatch That sort of coarse language is far beneath the dignity of this room.
Mike Irony/Sarcasm Character Comedy She has gone full metal Nixon.
Ben Observational Character Comedy Gary, C is for cunt.
Amy Character Comedy Observational We all called her a cunt.
Kent Escalation Observational Please don't get me a book for Christmas. I already have a book.
Gary Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement ★ Rewatch I already have a book.
Gary Character Comedy Deadpan/Understatement I know you had an eye job.
Charlie Character Comedy Observational Callback Well, you can thank 'When Gary Met Sally' for that one.
Selina Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy ★ Rewatch Callback Well, you can thank 'When Gary Met Sally' for that one.
Selina Wordplay/Pun Character Comedy 'Cause this definitely would have killed her.
Selina Dark/Subversive Character Comedy Pretty much, yeah.
Amy Deadpan/Understatement Observational So who called me a cunt? Was it everybody? Pretty much, yeah.
Selina Amy Setup/Punchline Character Comedy ★ Rewatch I can't stop smiling. / Neither can I.
