Unnatural Love

Murray:Last time I gave them $20 they went away and spent it. Bought a magazine and a giant beach ball.

Murray:Not cool enough.

Bret:You two?

Jemaine:Yes, we're not that cool.

Bret:Yeah, everyone looks pretty cool.

Jemaine:They're cooler than us.

Murray:I've got a couple of very cool looking guys in the back of my car. I don't know whether you're keen to have them in your club.

Bouncer:He's not coming in.

David:Hey, guys, too many dicks.

Bret:What?

David:Too many dicks.

Jemaine:What's that, man?

David:Too many. You guys are dorking up my vibe with all the dicks.

David:This isn't the riverdance anymore.

David:the only boobs I see tonight will be made of origami

David:it ain't no good if there's too much wood

David:make sure you know before you go, the bro-to-ho ratio

five to one is a brodeo

David:I need better odds, more broads, less rods

David:I came to do battle, skedaddle with the cattle prods

Jemaine:Bret, I think she might be Australian. Are you sure she's Australian? Either she's Australian or she really likes Australia.

Keitha:Jesus, got a tongue like a badger's asshole.

Jemaine:I'm not sure I got your name.

Keitha:Keitha.

Jemaine:Pardon?

Keitha:Keitha.

Jemaine:Keitha?

Keitha:Yeah, it's like Keith but with an 'a' at the end. I was named after me dad.

Bret:She's got a man's name.

Jemaine:Keitha, that's a lovely name.

Jemaine:Kind of like an evil version of our accent.

Bret:Did you use protection?

Jemaine:Yes, but only on my penis.

Bret:That's all red.

Jemaine:That's lipstick.

Bret:It's crabs.

Jemaine:It's not crabs.

Bret:It's crabs.

Jemaine:It's lipstick.

Murray:Purpose for the biscuits... you put 'NA.' What is 'NA'? Not applicable. There's no purpose for your biscuits?

Jemaine:No, I just wanted them.

Murray:Well, they're hardly gonna send you biscuits if there's no purpose. Think about it.

Bret:Jemaine slept with an Australian.

Murray:What?!

Bret:Jemaine slept with an Australian.

Murray:No, I heard you. I said 'what' as in I heard you but I can't believe what I'm hearing.

Murray:How do you accidently sleep with one? What, did she get you naked and you tripped over and fell on her?

Murray:Jemaine's a good-looking guy, isn't he? There he goes. Yeah, he's listening.

Murray:You know, guys, in the old days the sailors used to fall for them. Yeah, they hadn't seen a woman for weeks and the australians would lure them to the bottom of the sea and they'd drown.

Bret:Oh, that's mermaids. That's mermaids you're thinking of.

Murray:Yeah, but the Australian ones were the worst. That's what I'm trying to say.

Jemaine:Thanks. It's me mom's recipe. Oh, is your mom Australian?

Keitha:Yeah yeah, she's a panel beater.

Keitha:Yeah yeah, me dad's so Australian he's in prison.

Keitha:My great-great-grandpa was a renown rapist. And they shipped him out to Australia and that's where he met my great-great-grandma. She was a prostitute. I mean, I said met, but he raped her.

Keitha:Sit around here asking me stupid questions, get in that bedroom and root me again.

Jemaine:They're both good options.

Jemaine:do australians feel love? are they capable of love? do they even know what we're speaking of?

Bret:That was a misunderstanding. You were wearing a vest top.

Jemaine:A my mom gave me that. She thought it made me look like bruce willis.

Bret:Well, it didn't. It made you look like an Australian.

Keitha:Yeah, I've got a real aussie accent. Except it's not as strong as it used to be since I've lived here, 'cause every time I'm on the phone with my mom she says I sound like marilyn monroe.

Murray:Yeah, I suppose if you squint your ears.

Keitha:Got to murder a Brown snake, you know

Murray:And your children, what about them? What would become of them? They'll be aberrations, won't they?

Jemaine:It's pronounced aborigines.

forced to move from city to city looking for the perfect wave.

Keitha:See you later, big j.

Keitha:Let's go, little b.

Keitha:Okay, little m.

Keitha:Medium m.

Jemaine:Uh, it's you putting on a woman's voice pretending to be keitha breaking up with me. It's clearly you, Bret. I don't think so. It's obviously you putting on a woman's voice.

Bret:She's not from wollongong.

Jemaine:Shh.

Bret:She's from wollamaloo.

Bret:Jemaine, did I show you my gloves that look like my hands?

Jemaine:Get off. Get off. Let go of my glove.

Bret:Ow, that's actually my hand.

She doesn't need a sweatshirt in Australia. It's hot.

Keitha:No, mostly it's 'cause they think you're a dick. You know, with the dickish glasses and that.

Keitha:No, mostly it's 'cause they think I've rooted better-looking fellas when I've been too drunk to speak.

Jemaine:felicity saw there was no electricity, Emily, no chemistry, fran ran, turned out to be a man

Jemaine:carol Brown just took a bus out of town, but I'm hoping that you'll stick around

he doesn't cook or clean, he's not good boyfriend material, oo-whee and eats cereal

Jemaine:who organized all of my ex-girlfriends into a choir and got them to sing?

Jemaine:tiffany, you said that you had an epiphany

Jemaine:mmm, would you like a little cereal?

David:Wait a second. Which one are you?

Bret:This is Bret.

David:Bret.

David:Okay.

Bret:Yeah, not looking for me.

David:I just think it's really cool that you love each other even though you're from austria and you're from someplace no one's even fucking heard of.

David:It's like that movie, 'interracial hole stretchers 2.' She was white and they were black, but it didn't matter in the end, did it? Because they were in love.

Jemaine:How much is it to new Jersey, by the way?

Carriage driver:I don't go to new Jersey. I only ride around the park.

Jemaine:That's weird.

Carriage driver:Yeah.

Jemaine:She said she'd done it before.

Jemaine:Bret, have you seen keitha? She robbed us. Her and her friends jumped me and taped me to the door.

Jemaine:Did she mention me at all?

Bret:No, sorry, man.

Bret:I'm not sure about her and me.

Jemaine:Can I get a hug? Huh? Can I get a hug? Hug?

Bret:No. No. A hug? Unfair. I'm not participating in this hug.