Murray Takes It To The Next Level

Bret:No. We don't really have any slow songs.

Murray:So that's a clear 'no' from you, Bret.

Murray:I'm just the brains behind this operation.

Murray:There's no such thing as a small venue, Bret, only small bands.

Murray:Whoa whoa whoa, this was the camper-van gig that was sold out if I'm correctly mistaken.

Murray:Whoa whoa whoa, this was the camper-van gig that was sold out if I'm correctly mistaken.

Murray:What's the friendship realm? Well, you've heard of a realm? Yes. Well, this is like a friendship one.

Murray:It's a friendship graph with x-axis for time and y-axis for friend levels from 'friends' down to 'strangers'...which is pretty much everyone I've noticed...and then 'enemies.'

Bret:Who's Jim?

Murray:Jim's my best friend.

Jemaine:We've never heard of Jim.

Murray:Well, if you guys were my friends, you'd know who my other friend was... Jim.

Murray:Greg, do you think of us as friends?

Greg:I hope so, Murray. We're not. We're colleagues. I'm your boss.

Murray:See, guys? I don't let just anyone be my friend. Greg's a good guy, but he's in colleague status.

Murray:Now can you fax that to me?

Greg:Okay.

Murray:Slow it down a bit. These two are dancing. Possible couple here... dancing to this.

Murray:Well, you've lost the audience.

Murray:Oh, it's the bottom floor.

Jemaine:Oh, there's Mel.

Bret:Go go go.

Mel:I have some cookies for you in my fanny pack. Oh, look, this one must be for Bret... and here's Jemaine's.

Bret:I'm not sure I want to eat my own face. I almost did on the way over here. The lips are very prominent.

Jemaine:The lips are very prominent.

Mel:I had a dream about you guys last night. Jemaine, you were a slave striving towards freedom. And Bret... well, I just want to thank you.

I had no idea you were so flexible.

Mel:Wouldn't it be fantastic if the world was more like your dreams?

Bret:No.

Jemaine:Yeah.

Mel:Musical number: 'Why Can't the World Be More Like In My Dreams?' - Mel's fantasy song with increasingly bizarre imagery

Mel:I'm instantly pregnant and I can't explain / and when they pop out, they're like Bret and Jemaine

Murray:Present.

Bret:No, you don't need to say 'present.' We're just friends.

Murray:Friend activity list: 'Make a coffee.' 'Complain about our days.' 'Watch a DVD.' 'Build a fort.' 'Express our emotions' and 'have a beer.'

Murray:Build a fort? That's the sort of stuff I do with Jim. Who's Jim? Jim, my friend Jim.

Bret:We're not Jim.

Bret:I like having a bath, but...

Murray:well, we're not gonna have a bath, Bret.

Murray:This is what we used to do in the New Zealand army. Do you see children in the army, Jemaine? No, you don't.

Bret:Well, actually you do, Bret, in some armies, but not the good ones, not the New Zealand army.

Murray:Remember I showed you my New Zealand army uniform... the green t-shirt and the green shorts?

Bret:Oh, I thought that was your underwear.

Murray:My whole platoon had to drink their own urine. Oh, were you lost? No, we were drunk. It was a party game.

Murray:Bret, I feel like you're my brother. And, Jemaine, you're our dad.

Jemaine:Go to sleep, Murray.

Murray:Good night, dad.

Jemaine:Good night, graeme.

Murray:Perfect. We hang out like friends, like the friends from that program 'Friends.' I could be Chandler, the funny one. Jemaine, you could be Ross, the mopey one. And Bret... Joey, the naive one.

Murray:Perfect. We hang out like friends, like the friends from that program 'friends.' I could be chandler, the funny one.

Murray:Let's have a look at the friend agenda... the afrienda.

Bret:Can I be Chandler?

Murray:No, I'm Chandler.

Bret:But I'm more like Chandler... I say witty things. I have witticisms.

Murray:No, you don't. You're mopey.

Bret:Can I be Chandler?

Murray:No, I'm Chandler.

Bret:But I'm more like Chandler... I say witty things. I have witticisms.

Jemaine:It's a pretty quiet party, Murray.

Murray:It's only just started, Jemaine.

Murray:He's like a one-man party.

Jemaine:Well, does he need us then?

Murray:It's a naked woman's body... see the breasts?

Bret:Oh, I thought it was a monster with big ears.

Murray:No no, they're breasts.

Murray:You guys tell him that I found you in the Bush and I brought you back into the city... You were left by your girlfriends. You must've done something wrong.

Murray:Here he is! And the fun begins. Incoming. Zing zing zing - zing!

Jim:Rock?

Bret:Yeah.

Jim:Funk?

Jemaine:Yes.

Jim:Country?

Bret:Yeah.

Jim:Hair band?

Jemaine:Yes.

Jim:Jazz fusion?

Bret:Yeah.

Jemaine:No.

Jim:Cool.

Jim:Jazz fusion?

Bret:Yeah.

Jemaine:No.

Jim:Cool.

Jim:What do you call that style of haircut?

Jemaine:Bret cuts it. Ask him.

Bret:Oh, I just call that the 'Jemaine.'

Bret:I ride an exercycle and run up and down the stairs in our apartment each day. How many stairs in your apartment, Jemaine?

Jemaine:75.

Jim:How many people have you met? I don't know. What, in total? How many people have you met?

Jemaine:285,621.

Jim:Favorite part of the newspaper?

Bret:Uh, pages? Nope. Uh, articles? I don't really have a favorite part... I like the stories about animals when they've escaped from the zoo.

Bret:I like the stories about animals when they've escaped from the zoo.

Jim:You guys ever grow a mustache? You ever been stung by a porcupine?

Mel:Bret, I dreamt about you again. Actually, I'm kind of angry at you for something you did in my dream last night.

Mel:I don't want to say, Bret, but I think you should probably apologize.

Bret:I'm not gonna apologize. It was a dream.

Bret:Did I apologize in your dream?

Mel:No, you did not.

Mel:That's a shame.

Bret:I should've apologized in the dream.

Bret:Did I apologize in your dream?

Mel:No, you did not.

Bret:That's a shame. I should've apologized in the dream.

Bret:Hi, Jim, it's Bret.

Jim:Oh, hey, Bret. How's it going?

Bret:Did you hear my message?

Jim:Yeah.

Bret:When did you hear it?

Jim:Just now.

Bret:What did you think about my message?

Jim:Do you like the color light blue?

Bret:Yeah yeah yeah. Yeah, I do.

Jemaine:Because he's a dick. Because... we're busy.

Jim:Did Jemaine just call me a dick?

Bret:Um, yes.

Jemaine:Bret, don't tell him that!

Jemaine:Because he's a dick.

Bret:Why not?

Jemaine:Because... we're busy... just really busy at the moment.

Jim:Did Jemaine just call me a dick?

Bret:Table's not really wide enough.

Murray:What's going on?! Table tennis. This is no good. I need my desk to work on.

Murray:Well, then we can play doubles. You're gonna have to go away. I thought we'd gone to the next level... friends level.

Mel! Mel, stop it! Mel!

Murray:I got him drunk and he told me that you called him a dick.

Bret:I do call you a dick sometimes.

Jemaine:Same.

Bret:I've called you a dick before.

Murray:I got him drunk and he told me that you called him a dick.

Jemaine:Yeah. Well, Bret confirmed it though.

Murray:How does that feel, a taste of your own dick medicine?

Murray:Oh, the clamp ones.

Bret:Yeah.

Murray:So that's down again.

Murray:Band meeting tomorrow, so see you tomorrow... but we'll be strangers, so that'll be uncomfortable. Just come and give your names at the desk.

Murray:Just come and give your names at the desk.

We'll come in and introduce ourselves.

Murray:Favorite sauce?

Jim:Uh, any brown sauce.

Murray:You?

Jim:Eh, still mayonnaise.

Murray:Paper or plastic?

Jim:I'm a paper man.

Murray:What do you call the color of your hair?

Jim:Electric copper. White gold, rust belt.

Musical number: 'Friends' - Murray and Jim's duet about friendship with increasingly specific and bizarre friendship scenarios

Murray:If you get drunk and vomit on me... I'll make sure you get home safely. If you crossed the road and a truck struck you, I'll scrape you up and reconstruct you.

Murray:My uncle John had a special friend, they dressed alike, his name was Ben. I've never seen two friends like them, they were very very friendly men.