Moira Vs. Town Council

Look at the state of this place, it's like we're in a Mumbai-an slum.

Well, the good news is that mattress is covering up the cracked toilet seat.

John, do you remember what Goldie Hawn told us at that Amfar dinner? 'You are the life you accept for yourself.' Those are Goldie's words. Or something someone said to her in India. Or perhaps she read it.

I mean, would it kill someone to plant a few peonies?!

I have a feeling if you want peonies, Moira, you're gonna have to plant them yourself.

These are dark times John, but not that dark.

I love how we can just be silent with each other.

Because now we can just express how we feel through silence.

It's just, you're talking about how nice it is not to talk, but you're still, talking about it.

Well, that is an understatement.

I don't need to talk about everything, I'm just saying that, if I stopped talking, then who knows when we're gonna start talking again.

Fun? - Porn-y.

Where are the scarves? - Oh, I sold those, too.

Alexander Wang once fired my friend over the smell of his cologne. To Alex's credit, 'Curve Pour Hommes' hasn't been the look since '97.

No jewelry stands. - No jewelry... - Noooo! No, David! Jewelry stands!

You have that striking accent. - Thank you. And I'm sure your family wanted more for you when they immigrated from... Winnipeg. - Winnipeg.

I'm hoping to take my complaint to council, and I've been told you'd be the easiest one to crack.

Too kind.

Which won't really help, since I resigned. Um, and council wasn't too happy about it. I'm surprised you didn't hear, I talked about it extensively on my podcast.

Look at us, son, a couple of working stiffs back from the salt mines. - What?! - Two men, back from the mines.

The salt mines! Back from when people mined. When miners worked in the, salt industry, they'd come home, after digging... salt. I don't know what it means!

Uh-huh, you know I just got back from a four-hour shift that mostly consisted of me sampling luxury candles so...

There's nothing in here. - Really? - Yeah. - Oh, I must've taken the last one.

I mean, you got this job all on your own, nobody had to make a call, nobody got involved, nobody had to... pay somebody off. - What?

Well, word to the wise, son, don't... spend all your money at once. - I thought you weren't getting involved. - No, I'm not. I'm not, I'm just saying, word to the wise, is all.

Okay, what does 'word to the wise' even mean? Word to the wise. When you're... speaking to somebody wise, you lis... you're cognizant of what they're saying. A wise person telling you... Anyway, just-just uh, keep that in mind

Honestly, honestly, I have no money, and an empty purse from two seasons ago!

Oh my God! Your face! Yes, you can see it now! You shaved!

You'd have said, uh, 'wow Alexis, I'm thinking about shaving my beard.' And then I would've said, 'hm, no mutt, I don't think that that's the right journey for you at this point in time.'

I was a beard for a very well known actor, and I get it, it's uncomfortable.

My beard is your favorite thing about me! - I said one of my favorite things. - No, no, no, no. You said, 'favorite thing!'

Look at your little doll lips.

I've tried it twice, and both times, I've been sort of shot back into traffic.

I was just hoping to be interrupted by a concerned citizen.

It's like a birthday streamer. You-you-it stretches, and then, and then you pull it, and it just snaps, okay?

That's why I came in with something funny.

I was gonna leave, but now I don't want to.

Uh yeah, it's when you buy something for your business and the government pays you back for it. - Oh, and who pays for it? - Nobody, you write it off.

Who writes it off?! - I don't know, the govern... The 'write off' people!

If I have acne, what does that say about the legitimacy of the store?

There's not enough space in here for the massage chair, anyway.

A baby born in a prison cell does not know that a toilet should not be in the same room as its bed, but we do.

I didn't know you'd been in prison.

That we should strive for something that sets us apart from the prison baby.

So there was just one baby in prison, or there were more?

I'm sorry, did you just ask for cake? I'm not used to you ordering solid food.

Like maybe I need to talk less and listen more, and you need to talk more, and listen less.

I once got Winnie Mandela to RSVP to an 'Artists Against Eczema' benefit within the hour.

You're a pain in the ass, but you get stuff done.

Yes, you try enjoying a puff pastry with everyone around you scratching.

Like, amazing! There was this time in the barn where I climbed up onto this rafter...

Like, I've been to doctors about it.

I think I need a hug, or something. - W-you what? - I need a hug.

Did you get new bedding? - Um, yeah, I did. But it's a write off, so I don't...

Oh, did you pick up that random condom that was on the grass there? - Ew yeah, whose was that?

Weren't those here before? - There was literally nothing here. It was a wasteland.

Oh, there's the condom right there, David. - Ew! Eww!