The Tape

Hair on your shower soap yesterday can be in your head tomorrow

Did they have the guy take a shower, get his soap...rush it in by helicopter? You know, keep the soap alive on the soap-support system?

We got the hairs, but I think we lost the Zest

It lands in someone's frozen yoghurt

The big toe is, like, the captain of the toes. But sometimes the toe next to the big toe gets so big that there's, like, a power struggle. And the second toe assumes control of the foot.

The coup d'é-toe

China? Yeah, I'll pay for it. What for? What for? I'll tell you what for. For hair.

Is that the guy who likes fat women? Yeah. Doesn't the fat fetish conflict with the minimalism?

Oh, my God. Let me hear. Wait, wait, wait. Who is this woman? I don't know. I have no idea.

This is like a Penthouse letter

What do the Chinese have to gain by faking a cure for baldness? If it was real, they'd never let it out of the country. Imagine no baldness. It would be like a nation of supermen.

Tell her. I want to hear her reaction. This woman left this sexy message... Not that, you idiot! What? The Chinese! The Chinese bald cure!

Jerry...I want to slide my tongue around you like a snake.

Oh, my God. You?

Some bald thing, a bald thing. I don't know. It's nothing.

I told you he went to the track that one time and he was yelling at this jockey. And the jockey got off the horse and started chasing him.

Things you would know very little about.

Maybe she realized she couldn't have you and jumped off the George Washington Bridge.

Know what that makes you? A baldist.

Well, we're talking with Elaine Benes, adult film star, on the set of her new picture, Elaine Does the Upper West Side.

Couple of guys I knew in the Coast Guard told me about her. And I sensed that she had the anger and intensity that I needed to make this film work.

Follow me. Is George Costanza. And he plays an airline pilot who's just returned from Rome. And I'm about to show him how much I've missed him.

Oh, it's always simulated except with George. That's in my contract.

They've got a billion people over there. He found a relative.

They say you grow hair. Look like Stalin.

Impotence.

That thing you said about the sex not being simulated...That was really funny.

Did she think she was gonna leave this incredibly erotic message on my tape, and I was just gonna let it go? Not bloody likely.

That's the worst cockney accent I ever heard in my life.

Happy camper. Yeah, I don't hear that expression enough.

I would say every two and a half to eight weeks.

The big toe, the captain.

This woman, she said the filthiest things I ever heard in my life. And I get the pullback.

Sheriff.

And I think that I see a couple of buds right here.

What is this, an Abbott and Costello routine?

I found a hair! Yes!

You have cancer. Really? Sounds pretty good.

Would you put on your seat belt. We're about to go into a mountain. I'd go, Really, so what are you doing later by the ruptured remains of the fuselage? How about some peanuts over by the black box? I'll meet you there.