The Airport

Everything on planes is tiny. Tiny food, tiny liquor bottles, tiny pillows...tiny bathroom, tiny sink, tiny soap. Everyone's in a cramped seat working on a tiny computer.

There'll be a man in a tight suit. He'll tell you you have little time...to make your connecting flight. So move it.

Hey, could you do me a favor? Could you shut up?

Fine, I'll take it off. Grab the wheel.

My hand is stuck...My hand! My hand!...Don't... Jer... All right, fine.

And it smells like a cheap hooker. Or is that you? Give me 10 bucks and find out.

He didn't come within 2 feet of it. He's waving at it.

People like you? Not much. You don't know what you're doing.

Usually, I get $5 a bag...That's right...Five dollars a bag? I don't think so.

Never be late for a plane with a girl. Because a girl runs like a girl, with the little steps and the arms flailing out.

You wanna make this plane, you gotta run like a man. Get your knees up!

Well...I'll take the first class.

Elaine, have you ever flown first class? No. All right, then. You won't know what you're missing.

I've flown first class, Elaine. I can't go back to coach. I can't. I won't.

The plane crashes, everybody in first class is gonna die anyway. Yeah, I'm sure you'll live.

Bon voyage, Lainey.

I never check my bags. Can't stand that waiting in the baggage area. Great.

Help me.

I confused it with another awning.

I cannot express to you the feeling I get from a perfect pickup.

This is a suicide mission! I had it perfectly timed out.

Duty-free is the biggest sucker deal in retail. You know how much duty is? Duty's nothing. It's like sales tax.

I like to stop At the duty-free shop

So he says, 'Squeeze your breasts together.' And I say, 'I thought this was an ad for shoes.'

Good thing they gave you that washcloth to cover yourself up. What is this an ad for? See those wrinkled jeans slung over the chair? Way in the background, out of focus?

He's sleeping, and I have to go to the bathroom. Maybe he'll wake up soon. What if my kidneys burst? Is it worth it not to wake this man up to damage a major organ?

I hope this disgusting slob appreciates what I'm doing for him.

Look at you. You run like a girl. Come on. Run like a man. Lift your knees.

Do I still get credit for the pickup? I was here.

Gee, I'm sorry. I got here first. I don't care. I want the magazine.

You know what I would do to you if I wasn't in these shackles? But you are, Blanche. You are in the shackles.

Oh, I can't wait to read my TIME magazine. Last copy too. Maybe I'll read it tomorrow, in the park. Supposed to be a beautiful day. Have a nice life...sentence, that is.

Wake up, you human slug. Wake up! Wake up! I can't hold it anymore.

Why, it's a perfect fit. You must be Cinderella.

He took the cash and...disappears. I tried to find him. I went to his girlfriend's house, even his family. Never got that money back. He screwed me.

Kramer, you cannot abandon people in an airport pickup. It's a binding social contract. We must go forward. Not back.

It's like an English garden in there. They're gardenias, mostly. I thought I smelled lilac. Yes, there are a few of those too. It's almost overwhelming.

Let's go. Listen to the bell, Grossbard. It tolls for thee.

Oh, saffron. That sounds good. And today we're featuring wines from the Tuscany region. Tuscany. Tuscany.

You're not supposed to get up during the food service. Well, nobody told me that. Look. This plane is full. I got a lot of people to serve. Now, please. You're just gonna have to wait.

Use this one. I get frequent flyer miles with every purchase. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Get two tickets. You're returning it anyway, what's the difference? I'll get double the bonus miles.

Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure. I would know if a tray of food had been served to me. Would you?

No, no, it all has to do with the way they kill the pig. Come on, but they don't eat pigs. They do if it's killed right. Under a rabbi's supervision.

This is the best sundae I've ever had. Oh, man. You know what? They got the fudge on the bottom. You see? That enables you to control your fudge distribution...as you're eating your ice cream.

I never met a man who knew so much about nothing. Thank you.

Supersavers? Are they refundable? You bought nonrefundable tickets. You idiot.

Do you recognize me? No. Come on. Twenty years ago. What? Eighteenth Street? I don't know what you're talking about. Give me your money. Where's your wallet? The $240.

No. Please don't send me back there. I'll do anything. It's so nice up here. It's so comfortable up here. I don't wanna go back there. Please, don't send me back there.

You know, our goal should be a society without classes.

Do you realize the people up here are getting cookies?!

The problem is that curtain is no security. There really should be a locking door.

That's why they call it 'standby.' You end up standing there going, 'Bye. I didn't... Yeah.'

'Would you bring your seatback all the way up?' 'Who the hell are you?' She says, 'I'm the flight attendant.' 'Yeah, well, then I'm the pilot, all right? So why don't you sit down? I'm about to bring her in.'