The Label Maker

You're actually rooting for the clothes when you get right down to it.

You are standing and cheering and yelling for your clothes to beat the clothes from another city.

This is the same human being in a different shirt. They hate him now. Boo. Different shirt. Boo.

In front of the G's. Hobnobbing with the D's and E's.

I find sleeping-arrangement conversations depressing.

Oh, just a couple gals out on the town, shopping and gabbing. I'm getting a makeover.

Well, label me thankful.

So that's here? Yes, yes. You're like Switzerland.

I don't wanna be Switzerland.

Jerry, Newman and I are engaged in an epic struggle for world domination. It's winner take all. People cannot be trusted.

I'm looking right at you, big daddy.

He's a re-gifter.

Perhaps it's an homage.

Well, if you repeat the name of the gift, you can't possibly like it. Like when someone opens something and goes: 'Oh, tube socks.'

I would drape myself in velvet if it were socially acceptable.

The hardest part about having sex with a woman is getting her to come back to your place. He's already got that.

You know how they get animals to reproduce? They just put them in the same cage.

He looks just like me. He looks like you, and he's working from the inside? I look like me, and I'm working from the outside. Who is in the better position? Not you.

This bizarre Harrad Experiment must end.

I'm ensconced in velvet.

You love velvet. You wanna live in velvet. Everything with the velvet.

Well, if he can re-gift, why can't you de-gift?

It's a game of world domination being played by two guys who can barely run their own lives.

It's like a Siegfried & Roy trick.

If only you'd known, you could have saved some time and given it directly to me.

When you come out of the shower and put your robe on, do you cinch it tight? Are you concerned about that?

And if so, who is making the request?

A grown woman with a male roommate. It's unnatural. It's an abomination.

No. Just throw my bras out of the way.

No one could ever put a label on you, huh? We'll see.

Newman. He's going with Newman.

Well, he's merry. He is merry. I'll give him that.

You mean just because I asked him to go upstairs he thinks he's going downtown?

I'm watching your door. My door? Yeah. From my peephole. Fisheye. Sees all.

I'm taking the Congo as a penalty.

They don't need any water so you don't have to keep taking them to the bathroom.

You unwittingly made a major commitment. That's a lot of pressure. Oh, my God. You wanted to be ensconced in velvet. You're buried.

Too bad about that Super Bowl ticket, huh, Newman? Yeah. I just hope Tim Whatley's electric bills don't suddenly get lost in the mail or it could be lights out for him.

What? Not my car!

I'm taking the board with me.

But the table, the stereo, the VCR- The velvet couch. Where's the velvet?

We have each other.

[George's horrified reaction to 'We have each other']

Yeah? The Ukraine. You know what the Ukraine is? It's a sitting duck. A road apple, Newman. The Ukraine is weak. It's feeble. I think it's time to put the hurt on the Ukraine.

I come from Ukraine. You not say Ukraine weak. Ukraine is game to you? How about I take your little board and smash!

That thing didn't work at all. You put a label on something, 10 minutes later it would peel off. It was the worst gift I ever got.

I believe it's ménage à trois?

George is into it.

No labels, Jerry. You know what that means? Freebies!

Can you move over an inch?