The Highlights Of 100 (2)

The whole wanted poster bit - 'We take their picture, and we let 'em go. So we get the front and side shot. The front is his face. The side is him leaving.'

Look at you. Why don't you use a fork? You're no good with the sticks. I know. I need a lesson. You stink. You know you stink.

Hey, have you ever been to the ballet? No, but I've seen people on tiptoes.

Get it on with your bad self.

Is George still wearing that toupee? Yeah. Doesn't he know how ridiculous he looks in that thing? I think he looks fantastic. Oh, come on. No. I never realized what an attractive man he is. Oh, he's a real looker, that one.

People. People, people, people, people.

You look ridiculous in that thing. Is that so? Or could it be that you're just a little bit worried that you may have missed the boat.

Well, I think they might have sutured... that thing... to your brain.

All right. Go ahead. Deride. Deride if you must. But let me tell you something. With my personality and this head of hair, you know what I am now? I am in the game. I no longer defer to the coiffed. I'm a player.

Here you go, brother. Some food for you. Thank you. You're a good man. Bless you. You gonna be here in an hour? Where am I going?

Hey, Lou, who's that woman over there? Huh? Oh, that's Sergeant Tierny. Nice officer. You wanna meet her? Well, this worked out okay.

Listen. I'll take that Tupperware now. I don't think so. Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's mine. You gave it to me. No, no, look. I didn't say you could keep it. See, I don't give away Tupperware. You shoulda said something. Well, I didn't think I had to. Look, with a piece of Tupperware, you just assume.

Robert is not exactly a one-woman man, if you know what I mean. No, siree, Bob.

He likes his sports. But he counters that side with the side you see here tonight at the ballet or the pleasure he gets watching Miss Liza Minnelli belt out a few choice numbers.

And we discover yet another talent: posing as a girlfriend for homosexuals.

Not conversion? You're thinking conversion?

He's not gonna suddenly switch sides. Forget about it. Why? Is it irrevocable? Because when you join that team, it's not a whim. He likes his team. He's set with that team. But we've got a good team. Yeah, we do. We do have a good team. Well, why can't he play for us?

They're only comfortable with their equipment.

You realize your venturing into uncharted waters. I realize that. Are you that desperate? Yes, I am.

The patented burp, Jerry. It locks in freshness.

Did you tell her about your little hat there? What hat? You know, your little hair hat there.

I could spot that bird's nest two blocks away.

Hey, any of you guys want to be in the lineup? Make a quick 50 bucks? Sure. I will.

Have you ever seen the show? No. You can admit it, Jerry. It's okay. I'd admit it. I don't watch it. Hey, Lou. Maybe we should put him on the poly.

Why didn't you just confess? It's too stupid to confess. Look what I'm confessing to.

I have access to one of the most deceitful, duplicitous, deceptive minds of our time. Who better to advise me?

She's bald! What do you mean, bald? What do you think I mean, bald? Bald! 'Bald' bald.

You know, let me tell you something. No one walks into a beauty parlor and says, 'Give me the Larry Fine.'

You're rejecting somebody because they're bald. So? You're bald! No, I'm not. I... was bald.

Elaine grabbing George's toupee and the ensuing physical struggle

Would you like to come... upstairs? Upstairs? Yeah. Upstairs?

But I'm a starting shortstop. Robert... we need a shortstop. Real bad.

I feel like my old self again. Totally inadequate, completely insecure, paranoid, neurotic. It's a pleasure.

You're like a bald-again.

Jerry, I can't. It's like saying to Pavarotti, 'Teach me to sing like you.'

It's not a lie... if you believe it.

I did it! What? I turned him. He defected. Get out. How? How did you do that? 'Cause I'm a woman.

You've given hope to every woman who's ever said 'too bad he's gay.' Well, it's a lesson for the kids out there. Anything is possible.

The perfect man. Nothing but sex and shopping.

Yes! Yes, that stupid idiot! He left her for Kimberly! He slept with her sister! He tricked her into givin' him half her business! And then she goes ahead and sleeps with him again! I mean, she's crazy! How could she do something like that?! I mean, that Jane! Oh, she just makes me so mad!

Being a woman... I only really have access to the... equipment... What, 30, 45 minutes a week? And that's on a good week. How can I be expected to have the same expertise as people who own this equipment... and have access to it 24 hours a day... their entire lives?

That's why they lose very few players.

I got rejected by a bald woman. What? A bald woman rejected me. Huh? You like that one? A woman with no prospects and no hair told me that I wasn't her type. Apparently, baldy likes a slimmer guy!

You blew it, boy! You really blew it! And you had to ruin it for him, didn't you?

Oh, that Michael. I hate him. He's just so smug.

That's the guy, officer! The guy there in the middle, the tall guy with the high hair. I'd recognize him anywhere.