The Andrea Doria

Hey, you know what? It says "no food or drink." You can't take that in. -Just wait here. I'll be right out. -Wait a second. Come on.

You know what? They don't have batteries here. Let's go.

Hey, Georgie's moving out. -Get out. -I'm out.

So it's a two-bedroom-one-bath-make-your-friends-hate-you.

Well, they like to call it a setup now. I guess the blind people don't like being associated with all those losers.

I need some more stuff to fill that extra bedroom with a walk-in closet.

Well, it's coughing, Jerry. It expels the diseased germs out of the body into the air.

Yeah, and I rented out half that space to Newman.

Mailbags? He's storing mail in here?

Hey, I love the floors in here. It's like a gymnasium. -Try and guard me. Come on.

Yes, but you see, Mr. Eldridge is an Andrea Doria survivor.

That was quite a fire. -Shipwreck.

"Cancer in laboratory animals."

He said he's sorry, but he won't be able to make it tonight. He's been stabbed.

Stabbed? More bread?

I mean, to be stabworthy, you know? It's kind of a compliment.

Yeah, too bad he didn't get shot. He could have been the one.

There is now.

Plus they botched my vasectomy. -They botched it? -I'm even more potent now.

Andrea Doria? Is that the one they did the song about? Edmund Fitzgerald. I love Edmund Fitzgerald's voice.

No, Gordon Lightfoot was the singer. Edmund Fitzgerald was the ship. You could fit 15 people in that bathroom.

I think Gordon Lightfoot was the boat. Yeah, and it was rammed by the Cat Stevens.

Fifty-one people? That's it? I thought it was like a thousand. There were 1,660 survivors. That's no tragedy. How many people you lose on a normal cruise, 30, 40?

The air is so dewy sweet, you don't even have to lick the stamps.

I'm still collecting checks, I'm just not delivering mail.

And yet it's perfectly legal to take a man's soul and crush it out like a stale Pall Mall.

I love shrimp. I'm a shrimp eater. You put shrimp in front of me, and I'll eat it till my stomach pops.

Was that the one? Was that the one who stabbed you? No, that was a different girl.

He says mean things you don't mean, but he means them.

To me, that's an important part of a relationship. What's more important?

They gotta cure a lizard, a chicken, a pig, a frog, all on the same day.

You're gonna take dog medicine? You bet we are. How smart is that?

I tell you, I hear people really stuff themselves on those cruise ships. The buffet, that's the real ordeal, huh, Clarence?

Well, all vacations have to end eventually.

It eased into the water like an old man into a nice warm bath. No offense.

The Stockholm may not have sunk you, but I will.

Been drinking from the toilet? What? No. That's disgusting.

You got a big head. It's too big for your body.

That's it? That's the best you got?

If this board is impressed with suffering, maybe you should tell them the astonishing tales of Costanza.

I could go bummer-to-bummer with anyone on the planet.

There's no way I can handle eight in addition to my usual load of one.

You moving away is my dream too.

Where I sleep, where I come to play with my toys.

It's almost a compliment. It's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

"For Smuckers"? "May cause panting and loss of fur"?

Come on, you wanna go for a ride, huh? Come on. Come on. Yeah.

Lady, could you move your head a little bit? Your head. I can't see out the back.

This isn't the way to the park. Where are we going? I recognize this block. You're taking me to the doctor.

I didn't take the subway to New York to sit at a table like that!

Hey. Hey, get back over here. Kramer. Get over here. You are bad. Bad neighbor.

We had an argument about me moving to Hawaii and he locked on to my ankle like it was a soup bone.

I was handcuffed to the bed in my underwear where I remained for...

Though she was attractive, she was also, in fact, a Nazi.

and when I dropped the towel there had been significant shrinkage.

So there I was with the marble rye hanging from the end of a fishing pole.

as a short, stocky, slow-witted bald man.

Oh, also, my fiancée died from licking toxic envelopes that I picked out. Thanks again.

Just crease, crumple, cram. You'll do fine.

Too many people got their mail. Close to 80 percent. Nobody from the post office has ever cracked the 50-percent barrier. It's like the three-minute mile.

You're a disgrace to the uniform.

He flew right into your head like he couldn't avoid it. Really? Never seen that before, bird into a woman's head.

The one that sits atop my disproportionately puny body. I'm a walking candy apple.

Or jam a fork into his forehead. Either way.

Goes well with the bump in your nose.

Please, get help. There's a crazy, bigheaded woman beating some guy. Tell the police it's the Old Mill Restaurant. Hurry.

Trouble at the Old Mill? Oh, my God. Good boy. Good boy. Lead the way. Come on.

Just gave the super 50 bucks.

Tough luck, chinless.