On The Job 2

Tonight's the night the losers get together to share their success stories. It's going to be a short evening.

I can't stick around. I got to get back to work. I just stopped by to have a beer and gloat.

Hey, Louie, you forgot to sign your unemployment check.

I didn't know Guys and Dolls was in town.

Snap this picture. Future generations are going to want an exact record of the moment that you hired your greatest salesman. Say 'cheese,' Cheese.

You don't know how to get dirty.

I was born dirty, Mr. Gray, and every day I get dirtier... and dirtier!

Trouble, Mr. Gray?

Go on. And dirtier!

I'm telling you, Tom, they're a fly-by-night outfit.

Hello there, sweetheart. I don't believe I've had the pleasure. We've met. That's not the pleasure I was talking about.

Tomorrow, they'll be cranking out Cheryl Tiegs by the dozens.

If you're in the half that's still around do you want to be rich or not?

Hello, Mrs. Greer? Have you decided what to do with your husband's life insurance settlement yet? Well, I noticed in the obits this morning that he died last night.

Oh, oh, oh, well, well, um, I'll call back in a... you know, after the services. All right, in the meantime, think chemicals and electronics.

Hello, Myron Schwartz? This is your cousin, Louis Ginzberg. No, I was at your wedding. We met behind the chopped liver.

Oh, well, is your mommy home? No? Well, do you know where your mommy keeps her checkbook?

You simply don't fit into our organization. I rushed you a little bit, didn't I? I'm sorry, I... I made a mistake.

Everybody makes noises when they eat. Everybody makes eating noises when they eat. Yours are not eating noises. Yours are not... human noises.

Oh, no, I certainly have no complaints about your ethics. You have no ethics.

The problem is... we can't stand you. Everyone's complaining. It's nothing personal, you're just... disgusting!

What you call disgusting, I call selling!

I couldn't agree more. [Steals something from the desk]

So long, loser.

That's a nice outfit. Thanks a lot, but you got to understand, this is not what I do for a living. You just do it for fun?

Well, I've always admired your jelly beans.

Well, I've always admired your jelly beans.

I've come all the way from the enchanted lettuce patch just to spend Easter with you.

And now, kids, in keeping with the Easter season the Easter bunny has a special surprise for you. He's going to perform a scene from the Broadway play Whose Life Is It Anyway?

Now, you have to pretend that the Easter bunny's paralyzed from the neck down.

She was so impressed by my performance that she offered me a part. Really? Yeah. What part? The clown at her daughter's birthday party.

12,391 hairs on my head.

Oh, what the hell, let's make it an even number. 12,390.

This is how I look when I say, 'This is how I look when I talk.'

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to The Alex Rieger Show, starring Alex Rieger.

Our first guest this evening, ladies and gentlemen, is the greatest juggler in the world. And let's see if I get his name straight here: Alex Rieger!

I am now going to attempt juggling... backwards. With one leg.

This is station Y.A.W.N. signing off after an evening of telecasting.

It's just the first couple of weeks on this job that are kind of tough, you know? But once you've been at it 20 years like I have, boy, you're going to learn to handle it.

It's time now... for The Harry and Muffy Show! Yeah! Yes! Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Well, who are our guests tonight, Muffy? Harry... you are a sick man.

Harry... you are a sick man.

So okay, so cab driving is a stinky, lousy job that, uh... has no comforts and no dignity and no future, but on the other hand... would anyone like to help me with the other hand? On the other hand we stink at everything else?

On the other hand we stink at everything else?

Take this job and shove it.

Take this job and shove it.

Hey... what is it we do? We're cab drivers, Jim. Ah, come on. No, really. Wow!