Jims Marios

And your sample case blew up in your face?

It cost six dollars.

Oh, what's that? / The lid.

How would you like to be paid? / Oh, very much.

Uh, eventually.

A brain? / No, boss. I don't need a brain.

Oh, no, Jim, you bought a cup of coffee with a $5,000 coin?

Yeah. No cream, no sugar.

But I already had half the cup.

Art? / No. Tom.

You wouldn't believe what they were asking for Disney World.

I mean, mortuaries do better return business.

So is the dry cleaners and we never eat there.

Right in the middle here, there's gonna be a little pond where a woman will play the harp on a swan shaped boat.

PU!

Takes me back to the good ol' days when I used to sleep at the zoo.

Wouldn't the boat sink?

I think it should be burned to the ground, the wreckage bulldozed, the ashes scattered and the earth salted so that nothing will ever grow on this spot again.

Well, I think I'd like to try free peanuts first.

Jim, you've squandered your money on the sleaziest dive I've ever seen. You're an immature, irresponsible, childlike simpleton. / Hear, hear!

He's a pompous ass.

I said I wanted to drive my bicycle off the roof. / No. / That time, he encouraged me.

Today, some guy came in to use the telephone. He didn't have any ID, so I kicked him out. / Well, better safe than sorry.

Well, I caught him doing that with the soup.

It's our Fisherman's Special. / That's really Chinese noodles. I painted the little eyes on.

It was either that or go crazy.

Well, why don't you try a wet T-shirt contest? / I had one.

The only contestant was a 400-pound ex-marine with a hairy chest.

than people pelting me with dinner rolls.

Well, drop 'em off quick, Nardo, because I need two cabs to pick up Brando and Olivier at Mario's. I can't put 'em in the same cab. You know how those guys are.

Pray for him.

Sally Field and Mary Martin.

America's premier balladeer... The one and only Alex Reiger.

Closing time, folks! / No!

Hey, Jim, did you ever think of adding a couple of drums and a bass player?

and I know the brandy would help.

Can I say one word in my defense? / Seltzer.

And you tell the guys down at the Liquor Authority that I'm a man to be reckoned with!