Valentines Day

Like last year, Jim gave me this card with Dwight's head on it. It was horrifying and funny.

Happy Valentine's Day, Darling, love Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration

And you want me to come with you. - No. Opposite of that.

Screwed. What is your problem?

Her words, not mine. She sent me an e-mail this morning.

It's New York, city of love.

Fuggit abat it!

Manhattan is the other name.

And I'll end up winning a lot of money, because, they're idiots.

Happy Valentine's Day.

It's me. I'm the bobble head.

Yes!

And I'm gonna go get me a New York slice.

Ryan, what took, you so long? I mean, I just said it to him. Can you believe that?

I hooked up with her on February 13th.

Times Square. Named for all the good times you have when you're in it.

We have Bubba Gump Shrimp, Red Lobster down there. This is the heart of civilization right here.

There's a guy pooping in a cardboard box down there.

Founded of course, by Theodore Rockefeller.

That's Tina Fey from Saturday Night Live... Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were... She looked like... she looked a lot like Tina Fey.

Come on! No, are you s... When? When I was talking to the fake Tina Fey?

I didn't get anything for Valentine's Day. Oh, I bet you will before the day is over.

Scranton is great, but New York is like Scranton on acid. No, on speed. Nah. On steroids.

It's like Michael Jordan in the NBA finals, or like Stormin' Norman Schwarzkopf. And this presentation is Desert Storm. And soon as it's over, we will not have to deal with those Iraqis anymore.

Man, that thing's bigger than I am. - No, it's not. - Oh, zip it.

You have been kicked out of every strip club in Albany. - Is that true? - Guilty, yeah.

You mean, like a ham? - No. Not like a ham.

She's the worst. - Well, she's our boss. - She ain't my boss, dude. I don't work for that bitch.

Maybe because she's my girlfriend. Was, or not my girlfriend. She's... we hooked up and...

Soda. Cool.

I know that it's Valentine's Day or whatever, but there's totally no pressure at all of any kind, whatsoever.

And, well, it is Michael. So... yeah, I'm very nervous.

What is a business? Is it a collection of numbers and sales reports? Sure. But as you know, David and Jan, it is much more.

Yeah, I shot a bunch of footage around the office, edited it together on my Mac. Was thinking about entering it in some festivals. Probably won't. You know, not what this is about.

What it's like to walk a mile in Oscar's shoes. Or try on Phyllis' pants.

Great Scott!

Who's it from? - My mom.

Is it okay if I invite Ryan?

I was under the impression this was more of, like, a meet-and-greet type of deal.

Maybe I should've slept with you too.

Surely, you cannot be serious. I am serious, and don't call me Shirley. Airplane.

Women, are like wolves. If you want a wolf, you have to trap it. You have to snare it. And then you have to tame it. Keep it happy. Care for it. Feed it. Lovingly, the way an animal deserves to be loved. And my animal deserves a lot of loving.

Let's get you home, and you are gonna get the best sex of your life.

And Craig, you saw him, he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. Although, he is a tool.

Oi vey...schmear.