Dwights Speech

They are either gonna say... yes or no. Could go either way. We don't know what they are going to say.

I don't like to be cooped up in that office. In that box all day long. Heisman!

Office football chaos with everyone demanding the ball from each other

You are so lucky, Jim. You are so lucky you don't have this problem.

Question, do their pizzas play DVDs?

It is literally the highest possible honor that a Northeastern Pennsylvania based mid-size paper company regional salesman can attain

Are you sad that Dwight beat you? No. Are you gonna cry, Jim? Do you need a tissue?

I don't want to offend... Angela. Or someone.

That's what she said. Ha! I don't get it.

Grapes, seductive. ... Oh, absofruitly. Fruit, grapes. Nailed the joke. Matter of time.

Been there, done that. Went there again, did it again. Two years in a row. Consecutive.

They stopped making plaques that year.

I misspelled, in front of the entire school, the word 'failure'.

That's because you're incapable of doing it. Because you don't know how. Because you have no skills.

Is that an insult or is that part of the public speaking advice?

I get here early every morning so I can set the thermostat. I like it a little cooler, around 66 degrees. I'm more productive. Maybe some people don't like it as cold as I do. But I don't care.

A saleswoman has a vagina.

The difference between a salesman and a saleswoman is boobs.

I have some very great news from corporate. We had a wonderful quarter, and as a result, all of you are getting bonuses for $1,000.

No no, it's not true. I was just talking.

There had been an accident on 84 West. Cars have skidded off the road into the safety railing. Several cars have flipped. There is broken glass everywhere. Several people are injured.

Brad Pitt. ... He will never act again. Also, this branch is closing.

This is karma because of what he did to Jennifer Anniston.

Pam, I'm public speaking. Stop public interrupting me.

What is that? It's like Club Med, but everything is naked.

Maybe a month.

I'd like to say hi to my friends in China.

Good morning, Vietnam!

Which means absolutely nothing. ... Well, it's mostly made up.

I can travel anywhere, except Cuba. And I will travel to New Zealand. And walk the Lord of the Rings trail to Mordor. And then I will hike Mt. Doom.

Please, you're not taking any trip.

You've gotta wave your arms, and you've gotta pound your fists. Many times. So as to emphasize your point.

But I did download speeches from some of history's famous dictators. Like this one. Originally given by Benito Mussolini.

You're inviting Jim? Of course, he's one of my closest friends.

I am just feeling under the weather. And I think that I will go home and rest.

I've never ever seen you take a sick day. Well, I've seen you take enough for the both of us.

Good morning, Vietnam!

Well, there are many things, I believe, that do such a thing of that... nature.

I always set it at 69.

Actually, I don't see ever getting married.

Ryan, you should be more sensitive. It's obvious she likes you, and comments like that... I know what I said.

I'm very sorry, I did not know that you were wearing a hearing aid. And I just thought you were speaking abnormally.

Michael Winslow. Anyone? A car starting.

Blood alone moves the wheels of history!

We realized that the world could be conquered. It has been a lifetime struggle. A never-ending fight. I say to you, and you will understand, that it is a privilege to fight! We are warriors!

Jim has worked at the same place for five years. Jim eats the same ham and cheese sandwich every day for lunch. I don't know, if I were a betting man, I'd say he will have a fun weekend in Philadelphia.

Salesmen... and women... of the world, unite. We must never acquiesce. For it is together! Together that we prevail!

I'm a little nervous to run into Dwight on his connecting flight to Mordor, but other than that...

I'm leaving on June 8th. Oh. Yeah, and I'm really sorry about that.

The bartender asked for her ID, which I thought was odd. Because I pegged her as, like, 35.

She's probably in the room drinking from the minibar.

So I captivated the guy who captivated 1,000 guys. Can you believe that? 1,000 guys.