A Benihana Christmas

Don't worry. She's dead. Oh, wait... He's dead.

It's a Christmas miracle.

And circle gets the square.

Once, I brought in a duck to prepare for lunch. And people got upset. Apparently, they got attached to the duck and didn't want to see it killed. He was already dead.

Thus saving you a trip to the store for a can of expensive goose grease.

Wow, win-win.

Clean it in your car.

Oh, Pam. Take a chill pill.

I would like a nice slice of Christmas Pam. Side of candy Pams. And perhaps... some Pam chops.

Well, that is probably from the test drive.

Yo, Michael. Sweet ride, Mike.

Oh, you're such a blonde.

This is just the front of her. Show 'em... show 'em the other side.

It's a picture of you and me and your kids on a ski trip, having a blast. 'Ski-son's Greetings.'

Yes, but what you didn't realize at the time was that I was with you, in a sense. I was in your heart.

It's a bold move to Photoshop yourself into a picture with your girlfriend and her kids on a ski trip with their real father. But then again, Michael's a bold guy. Is bold the right word?

You need... to think this through in... Jamaica's largest freshwater pool.

For the past few months, I've been sending Dwight letters from the CIA.

Last year, my boss, Michael Scott, took a day off, 'cause he said he had pneumonia, but really, he was leaving early to go to magic camp.

Sorry I didn't wrap it.

Christmas is canceled.

Keep it up, Stanley, and you will lose New Year's.

Jim, take New Year's away from Stanley!

All of your guests would have probably canceled at the last minute anyway. Leaving your life a stupid, rotten mess.

It hurts my heart. It hurts my stomach. Hurts my arms.

Like maybe the real reason they left was because... there were things they wanted you to do in bed... that were... foreign and scary.

Take it from Toby.

Pam, would you like to go to Sandals, Jamaica with me?

I thought you said green was whorish. No, orange is whorish.

You tried this out. And it's clearly not for you. It's time to go.

That Carol is one smart cookie.

With Carol, I knew within the first 24 minutes of the second day I met her.

I think one of her cats did once. She came in with scratches all over her face.

The Committee to Plan Parties invites you to a Margarita-Karaoke Christmas.

What's your funding? $200. What's ours again? Um, $201.

And then there's a way more fun party that starts at 2:45.

As ranking number three in this office... Um, eh... I'm number three. You're number four.

As ranking number two, I am starting a committee to determine the validity of the two committees. And I am the sole member.

I've determined this committee is valid.

Come on, we're going to Asian Hooters.

Doctor appointment, car trouble, plantar warts, granddad fought in WWII. Use your head, man. I keep mine in here.

Bros before hoes! Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They have got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason.

Then suddenly, she's not your ho no mo'.

It is my job to be there for Michael. How can I be there for Michael if I'm here for Michael?

One part eggnog. Three parts sake! Some places won't make it for you, though, because eggnog is seasonal.

I miss the days when there was only one party I didn't want to go to.

Actually, the usuba's the better knife when you're working with this quantity.

I bet you break up with a guy every hour.

About... your paychecks. Um... your paychecks will be arriving as scheduled on Friday. And they will be in the correct amount that they normally are in.

Double fudge... Angela.

My sister and I used to be best friends, and we haven't talked in 16 years over some disagreement I don't even remember.

Hold its neck back, insert the knife beneath the jaw, bring it all the way around. There's gonna be a good amount of blood.

They have been checking us out all night. I am not kidding!

That's what she said? Hello!

I don't walk into your house and steal your Hello Kitty backpack.

You don't know? Dude, you should know. Yeah, well, it's been hard. They're wearing the exact same uniform. And I've been drinking. And you know how all... waitresses look alike.

I honestly don't see what the big deal is. Stevie Wonder is married. Are you going to tell me that Steve Wonder doesn't love his wife just because he's not sure what she looks like?

I marked her arm.

Or as my ex might say, 'Domo arigato, Mr. Scott-o.'

You have been compromised. Abort mission. Destroy phone.