The Return

I am Harvey, a computer. Jim sucks.

That's so rude. I'm sorry, I can't control him. / Yeah, you can.

Pam, you look very hot today.

Me so horny. Me love you long tim. / Who's Long Tim?

Well, you should bring Long Tim in one day. / I'd love to meet Long Tim.

You ruined a funny joke. Get out of my offfive.

Boobs!

Is it a big deal? / Is it, Kevin? / Do you really not know? / Because it is a big deal.

It's like we're touring Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory and dropping off one by one. Well, guess what. I'm not falling in a chocolate river.

Hey, Dwight, pass the tardy sauce. Get it, Michael?

Michael Scott. PhD. Doctor of sales.

We're the same age.

Pass. / You can't pass, You gotta pick somebody. / I'll take the kid.

I was his second choice, after 'pass'.

Oh, young Jim. I was just... so much... I need to warn you about, and yet, tragically, I cannot.

Sebring, by Chrysler. A heck of a motor carriage.

You guys are the retired marines. And, you guys are the mother and daughter. And, you guys are the gay couple. And, we are the fire fighter heroes.

Then, how is this amazing race? / It's... just... It's Amazing Race, Phyllis, okay?

It's the safest part of a car. In the event of a crash, the driver always protects his side first.

every success I've ever had, at my job or with 'the lady-folk,' Has come from my ability to slowly, and painfully, wear someone down.

Wow, that is a long story, but quite well told, Michael.

I used to work at Abercrombie, So... pretty good folder.

Why are we turning in here? This is beauty salon.

Nothing would delight me more!

Leave the keys. / You still do that thing? / Leave the keys.

Except for Dwight. He is kind more of a super dud. I mean, he'd be a super friend, if there was a Super Friends who has super power was always being late.

Hawkman.

I have walked two marathons, so...

7 out of 10 attacks are from the rear. / Okay, but that still leaves a 30 percent chance that I'll attack you from the front.

I caught an 80-pound shark off Montauk. It's in Hamtons. My dad's got a 42-foot Bayliner. Sniped it with a rifle from the crow's nest.

We don't work out of a log cabin. We trade on the New York Stock Exchange. Ever heard of it? It's in New York.

No, I swear, this guy could sell paper to a tree. / Stop it, stop it.

Oh man, talk about your classic lame-dash-o.

This friend of mine? let's call her, Noelle. She missed this deadline... But then this gallant gentleman? We'll call him Kurt. he drove all the way to New York and handed it in for her!

I really Schruted it. / What? / Schruted it. This is the thing that people say in your office all the time. Like when you screw something up in a really irreversible way, You Schruted it.

I don't know where the word comes from, though. I think it comes from Dwight Schrute. I don't know. Who knows how words are formed?

Um... Hi. Hello, Ryan. What do you have for us?

And you just said, 'Hi. Hi. Hi.' You sounded like my niece. And she's six months old!

Dunder Mifflin customer service, this is Kelly. / Oh my god, Jim, how are you?

I never take vacations, I never get sick, and I don't celebrate any major holidays.

He was hung up on Pam for such a long time... I didn't think he'd ever get over her.

You can pay me back later for the makeover.

Why would Dwight go New York without telling anyone? / You think he went to see Jan?

Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice... strike three.

She could be a model. Or a college professor. Which is intimidating to a lot of guys.

And where it asks you to state your business, he wrote, 'Beeswax Not Yours, Inc.'

That's what she said. / Don't you dare.

I hate those two people more than anything in the entire world.

Did you ever have a thing for Pam? / Pam? Did I ever have a thing for her? No... Why, did she say something?

Although, I've loved this company more than almost anything in the world, I decided to step down from my post and spend more time with my family.

But remember... while today it is me, we all shall fall.

Oompa loompa, doompadee dossum, Dwight is now gone, which is totally awesome. Why was he gone, he was such a nice guy. No, he was not, he was a total douche. Doompadee doom.

Dwight will be missed. Not by me ... so much, but he will be missed.

One of my life goals was to die right here, in my desk chair. And today, that dream was shattered.

Well, happy's such an ugly word.