Cocktails

Kevin arrives late claiming tire blowout and near-death experience, Michael immediately dismisses with 'Pop quiz'

Ryan's increasingly elaborate titles: 'visiting professor' to 'Special lecturer emeritus' to finally 'quest speaker'

Ryan's confession about bringing boss for automatic grade bump

Michael's comparison to 'cool teacher' Mr. Handell who 'hooked up with one of the students' and had 12 others come forward

Dwight's life philosophy: 'Don't be an idiot' / 'Would an idiot do that? If they would, I do not do that thing'

Michael's hat-throwing graduation fantasy and prepared line 'May your hats fly as high as your dreams'

Roy calling Pam 'spazzy boy' and 'little spazz' while she's driving

Pam's talking head about 'maturity and dignity' ending with 'Is that braggy?'

Jim's talking head: 'Brangelina is with Frangelina. Moving on.'

Michael on campus: 'Brings back so many memories... That I would've made.'

Michael's failed Frisbee attempt and students' dismissive 'Dude'

Dwight's deadpan 'Animal stool.' observation

Dwight's 'Come to papa' before discovering the bat

Mass panic and screaming when the bat is revealed

Ryan's harsh critique of Dunder-Mifflin while Michael can't hear but watches excitedly

Office having bat problem with no openable windows, followed by 'Poop is raining from the ceilings. Poop!'

Jim's vampire transformation: feeling 'tingly' and 'strangely powerful' after bat bite

Ryan introducing Michael as 'Michael Scoot' instead of 'Scott'

Michael's textbook destruction speech: 'You cannot learn from books' while literally tearing out pages

Michael's business categories: 'Tourism, Food service, Railroads, Sales, Hospitals/manufacturing, And air travel'

Jim's vampire symptoms: bread is 'white-hot' to him but cold to others

Dwight's vampire logic: 'If a vampire bat was in the U.S., it would make sense for it to come to a sylvania. Like Penn-sylvania.'

Michael's candy bar business lesson: 'thingamajig,' 'whosi-whatsi,' 'whatchamacallit' leading to 'PayDay' and '100 Grand' and 'Satisfied?'

Michael's computer dismissal: 'great for playing games and forwarding funny emails. But real business is done on paper'

Jim's vampire symptoms: headache from Angela's crucifix glare

Dwight's werewolf hunting story: 'I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor's dog'

Michael's customer retention philosophy: 'We don't want them back. They're stupid.'

Michael's 'Polack-says-what' response to business school jargon

Creed's triumphant 'I am a hero' after presumably killing the bat

Michael's meltdown: claiming Dunder-Mifflin faces 'Al-Qaeda, Global warming, Sex predators, Mercury poisoning'

Michael's Ryan roast: 'Ryan has never made a sale. And he started a fire trying to make a cheesy pita'

Michael's business philosophy: 'Business is always personal. It's the most personal thing in the world.'

Jim's vampire exit: needs to go home, draw shades, 'There's just so much sun in here'

Dwight's dramatic farewell: 'Jim is on a path now. An eternal journey. And I wish him well.'

Roy's disappointment that no one from work came to Pam's art show

Meredith's bat attack and Dwight's 'rescue' - physical comedy chaos

Roy's dismissive 'It's cool if I go, right?' at Pam's art show

Jim's art critique: 'Your art was the prettiest art of all the art'

Roy's harsh art criticism: 'On Van Gogh's first try, he drew the hands of the peasants' and calling Pam's work 'motel art'

Michael's enthusiastic art praise: 'My God, these could be tracings!' and 'You nailed it!'

Michael wanting to buy Pam's building painting and his excitement recognizing office elements

Michael's pocket contents reveal: 'Chunky' candy bar

Michael's paper philosophy: 'It is a message. It is an inspiration. It is a source of beauty'

Michael's camera deflation: 'Unless you had a camera'

Kelly's extreme reaction to Ryan's punishment: repeated 'Oh, my God' and 'I won't, I won't, I won't'