Womens Appreciation

Dwight's elaborate demerit system that eventually leads back to Michael

What's a dis... what's that? Oh, you don't want to know.

The guy was just hanging brain. I mean, what's all the fuss? If that's flashing, then lock me up.

Phyllis, you say? Hmm. What is so funny? Um... I mean, did he even see Pam? Or, uh... Karen from behind? I'm guessing not.

Waagh! Hey, what's going on?

Prove it. Let's see your penis. I... you know, as that was coming out of my mouth, I knew that it was wrong.

For example, Jan and I have a safe word in case things go too far. Foliage. And if one of us says that word, the other one has to stop. Although last time... she pretended she didn't hear me.

I'll give you $200. And if I get up before you, I'll leave it on the dresser.

Better 1,000 innocent men are locked up than one guilty man roam free.

There are several penises there I'd love Phyllis to run her eyes over.

Pam. You can draw, kind of. Why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer... Phallus? Phyllis, sorry. I've got penises on the brain.

I wish someone had flashed me when I was with Roy. Because that would have been the ass-kicking of the year. Especially if it had been Jim.

He would not have wanted me to have seen Jim's... Whoo, I am... I am saying a lot of things.

Why don't you just take these women, put 'em in a burlap sack, and hit 'em with a stick? Because that's what you're doing.

If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to. I encourage that.

Did I come from a woman? Have I slept with a woman? More than one? Mm, less than three.

a penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie. Alien. Blagh!

I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.

There are petite adults who are sort of... smaller who need to wear... maybe a kids' size 10.

You wanna go in the women's bathroom? Not really. I've seen a bathroom before. Yeah, but... it's every guy's fantasy.

Oh... my... God.

That's because you're a preppy freak, you're the office pariah, and nobody likes you.

Don't think she's gonna make it...

Nothing... I think, uh, we all kinda thought you guys were just, like, hooking up. No, we've been dating for six months.

What, um... what do you think of role-play? Oh, it can be fun. Yeah? Well, Jan has this schoolgirl fantasy. It's a pretty common one. I just... I feel uncomfortable wearing the dress.

Sometimes, the clothes at GapKids are just too flashy. So I'm forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.

she likes videotaping us during sex. Oh, my God. And then watching it back right afterward to improve my form. That is not healthy behavior. No, it's not that bad. The worst part is that she shows it to her therapist and they discuss it.

Cons. Wears too much makeup. Breasts: not anything to write home about. Insecure about body. I'm unhappy when I'm with her. Flat-chested. What was the last one? She's totally flat. Shrunken chesticles. No, the one before that. I'm unhappy when I'm with her.

Don't think, just answer. What do you want to do about Jan? I wanna break up with Jan. Wow. I wanna break up with Jan.

for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked.

I'm a pretty normal guy. I do one weird thing. I like to go in the women's room for number two. I've been caught several times and I have paid dearly.

I'm kind of in-between boyfriends right now. So I don't need anything sexy. But I do need some new hand towels. I figure I can cut up this robe.

You know, I changed a tire today. All by myself. This bathrobe's already coming in handy.

Oh, just so you know, it's not me, it's you.

I wished for Jan to get over me. I wished for Phyllis, a plasma TV. I wished for Pam to gain courage. I wished for Angela, a heart, and for Kelly, a brain.

Well, maybe I learned something from women after all.

In the women's bathroom, above the sink.

Pam!