Night Out

Michael got gum in his hair crawling under Stanley's car for what turned out to be tinfoil

But, best-case scenario, you thought it was a quarter.

Kill me, right now.

We have peanut butter in the kitchen. I don't feel like peanut butter. Get me an ice cream sandwich. Nope, not for you, it's for your hair.

Dwight, not the good peanut butter... People are gonna get mad.

This is my hair we're talking about.

Smells good. Taste good, too. Oh, don't, that's disgusting. Lot of calories.

Yeah, that's nice. Keep massaging, please.

Like a piece of fine art by... any number of renowned artists. Or an arty photograph... of Cindy Crawford nude.

They just lack a certain... Crawfordness.

If the website had been working.

Watch your back, Jim. I'm just kidding.

or makes fun of his height or his half-beard...

Yes, the social networking feature of the Dunder-Mifflin Infinity website was infiltrated by sexual predators.

And then an older gentleman asks you, 'boxers or briefs?'

If I had created a website with this many problems, I'd kill myself.

Number one: how dare you?

And I'm not applauding... sarcastically.

But now, at a time TDB, all of these problems will be in the past.

That's still going on?

Old ball and chain's been a lot more chain than ball lately, if you know what I'm saying. I'm right here.

Probably wearing the same clothes that I'm wearing right now. If you catch my drift.

I am going... to go get laid. Good-bye! With sex!

The one time a year they hear one.

Swingers. Classic. Jon Favreau, tall guy from Dodgeball.

I don't go to a place like that to see more poverty, you know? You go there to get some glamour...

Thanks a lot, guys! Good job! Later.

If I'm not in my bath with a glass of red wine in 1 hour, you're both dead.

if I'm dead, you guys have been dead for weeks.

No, no, not a wizard. A hobbit.

Do you live in a regular-sized house?

Hey... Chief. This is Jim Halpert from... where you work. You're the guy who sits behind the desk. You're the... the african-american guy.

They lay their eggs inside the unripe beetroot, then, come springtime, the babies eat their way out.

By show of hands, who thinks we're a better couple than Jim and Pam?

Back to the Future. 'Back' because it's on my back. And 'future' because I'm the kind of guy who likes to look ahead into the future.

Back to the Future?! Well, you should take a film education course.

This place is like a... like a sexy preschool.

Amazons!

Nice try! I've never met anybody who does that.

Ryan told me to always tell a woman you work in finance.

She washes dogs! I know! I don't wanna get ahead of myself, but... I think I want her to meet my mom.

Please don't pick up. Hello? Hank... Is that you? Yeah. Still haven't left the house yet, huh? I'm getting ready to leave. Good. Please hurry. Stop calling me so I can put on my damn socks.

One of my friends is getting beaten up by some girls!

I... am moving to Costa Rica. Thought about it... for a long time now. And I'm finally gonna do it.

So... I'm just gonna hop the fence and jog home then.

Why are you assuming they only speak spanish? I just... If they speak spanish.

Okay? It happens they speak spanish. Lucky us.

Why don't you take your clothes off? No!

And then you put a wire on him... and you find out who's selling him... drugs. And then you get that guy and you flip him. You turn him into a snitch.

I've been watching The Wire recently... I don't understand a word of it.

Like a famous person once said, 'boys on the side.' But I don't... I disagree. I say, let's hear it for the boys.