Launch Party

And, when we have a good quarter... fireworks. Or a race car. Doesn't have to be a race car. Use your imagination.

There's this cube on the screen, and it bounces around all day. And sometimes it looks like it's heading right into the corner of the screen and at the last minute it hits the wall and bounces away. We are all just dying to see it go right into the corner.

Pam claims that she saw it one day when she was alone in the conference room. Okay... I believe she thinks she saw it.

I saw it. I saw it, and it was amazing. Who said I didn't see it? Did Jim say that? I saw it!

All r-- All right. Let's quit while we're ahead. - That was so awesome. - That was awesome. Thank you. Some days, I am just on fire. What can I say?

Can you write where I can read it? - Yep. I'll read this when I get home.

Attention, earthlings. I have some news. Today's the big day that I'm heading to New York to attend a party with sushi and important people.

Well, the website is the brainchild of my brainchild, Ryan. It is my brain grandchild.

And I do not mean policemen.

That's from Ryan? Does it mention if he's seeing anybody? No. I'll find out tonight. Yes, please let us know.

Dwight mercy killed Angela's cat. It's very complicated. It's caused a lot of unpleasantness between Dwight and Angela. Who were both already prone to unpleasantness.

Stanley, you're dancing. No, I'm not.

Buying paper just became fun.

I can't tell if he's mocking me. - Just ignore him. Can't do that. It's really hard for me to let things go. I was. Mocking. Thank you.

Go to my car. Open the trunk. Inside, you will see many pelts. Under the smallest one is a case. Inside that case is a bear horn. Bring it to me.

So I googled 'how to deal with difficult people,' and I got all of this.

Maybe you could just change the 'u' into an 'a'. Then it would say 'lanch' party, Kevin. Would it be better if it said 'lanch' party?

Easy, booster seat. Nobody cares about this party anyway.

Plan a party, Angela. Oh, and the entire world will see it. Oh! And here's $65 for your budget. And here are 4 idiots who'll do nothing but weigh you down. Oh, and your cat's still dead.

Who am I? (computer voice) You tell me. (computer voice) Not sure. Just became self-aware. So much to figure out.

I have been salesman of the month for 13 out of the last 12 months. You heard me right. I did so well last February that corporate gave me two plaques in lieu of a pay raise.

No-- No. No. If I go by myself, everybody'll think I'm a big loser. - Well... I've your permission to invite Carol? - What? Jesus, Michael! I'm sorry. It's just the first... girl that popped into my head. I'll find somebody I haven't slept with.

Look at that. They have their own little language now, like twins.

Here's a suggestion, computer. I assume you read binary. So why don't you 011-11-011-011?

Um, while you were typing that, I searched every database in existence and learned every fact about everything... And mastered the violin. Oh, and sold more paper.

Phyllis, these are spoons. Spoons have round tops and are used to scoop things. What we need are forks which have prongs or tiny spears on top. And we need knives which have blades. Do you understand me now? Yes. Goody.

But when you put paper in the shopping cart, it says, 'Thanks for shopping with Dunder Mifflin.' Damn it, Kelly, it knows! It knows what you did!

I am not a bad person. When I left Staples, I took some of their leads with me, but I never intended to use them. What did intend to do with them? Who knows? Maybe keep them as a souvenir. Maybe use them.

Good-Bye. I love you. I love you-- Okay. I'm leaving inside Jim's car I don't know when I'll be back again Yes, I do Tomorrow I'll be back I'll be back tomorrow

Oh. I didn't realize we could use the leads we stole from Staples. (computer voice)

What are you doing? That is an invitation to an online party. No. I'm sure that's not-- Are there... three 'Ws' at the beginning of the address? - Yes. - Yep.

Doesn't it piss you off sometimes that little twerp got the promotion over us? Oh, actually I withdrew from consideration. Yeah, I withdrew too.

After numerous projections that the computer would crush all salesmen in its path, I am very happy to report that our very own Dwight Schrute has crushed his electronic nemesis, if you will, by a whopping 52... reams! Say it again-- Announcing it. 52 reams! No, no, the first part. Dwight has defeated the computer!

How do you tell someone it's over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well, what if the recipient is your notary?

Hey, do you have any men that you can fix me up with? I would like to have a relationship with a man. I'll get back to you. Let me know.

You beat me. You are the superior being. (computer voice)

Beer, light beer, streamers, orchids, better lighting, something made of ice. Pizza with mushrooms, pizza without mushrooms, white pi-- I would like this party to be sexier, cooler, more important-- Chocolates, someone famous, cool music, confetti, go-go dancers? I want it to embarrass all other parties.

You hadn't noticed she's a woman? I hear she's single and ready to mingle. I'm thinking about making a play for her. What do you think? Crazy, right?

Michael, there's a very big difference between these two pizza places. Both in quality of ingredients and in overall taste. Which one did you order from? Pizza by Alfredo. All right, you know what? Okay, okay. What is better, a medium amount of good pizza, or all you can eat of pretty good pizza? A medium amount of good pizza.

Oh, no, it's bad. It's real bad. It's like eating a hot circle of garbage.

They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really? Well then explain to me how a putt-putt golf company operates.

It's about to get all stupid up in here!

I've seen this kid, he sneaks onto my farm and steals my hemp. Yeah, I know that guy. He's that farmer that grows really crappy weed.

Listen up, kid. I don't like you, but because some town in Switzerland says so, you have rights.

Here you are, my dear. One thing made of ice. How did you... Where-- Where did you... It's just ice. It'll melt all over the floor. - Will you help me put it over there? - Yes, I will. Excuse me. I stole it.

I just think you should know that one of my salesmen beat your stupid computer. So take that, asshole. Always a jokester.

If anyone out there is listening, I'm being held here against my will. I'm a minor.

If you're going number one, you've got ten more seconds!

If you change your mind I'll be first in line Honey, I'm still free Take a chance on me

I'm Ryan, and... tonight didn't go the way that I thought it would. Because... it didn't work out for me. I'm very embarrassed. I have egg all over my face. And... I'm 12 years old.