Blood Drive

basically,95% of my job. but i'd like to see a machine that puts out candy for everyone.

vending machine.

Michael suddenly appearing and contradicting Pam's claim he's not in

okay. i'm,uh,i'm gonna bgoing.

that was funny. thatwasfunny. let's go do it to somebody else.

and she was way hotter than stacy. so if you think you're hurting- i can't even imagine.

you're only engednce. well,present company excluded,but- really,jim. on cupid's birthday.

roses are red,violets are blue, it's time for your dental cleaning and maybe a check-up,too.

especially me,because of my great capacity for emotion.

and the sexy looks between you and pam- the general sexiness,the flowers- it's creating a bit of a hostile work environment.

it's so sexy it becomes hostile.

so suck it.

hey,everybody. i just invited jim to suck it,and i am cordially inviting all of you to a special convention- a- a lonely hearts convention this afternoon.

i've trained my major blood vessels to retract into my body on command. also,i can retract my penis up into itself.

Michael fainting at the sight of the needle/blood

can i point something out to you? sure. you're actually talking a lot.

i feel like a human juice box. hawaiian blood punch. type o-cean spray.

those mines aren't gonna sweep themselves.

Kevin fainting after looking at the blood bag

i was so nervous about this i don't think i ate for three days.

she ft her glove. i need her name if i'm gonna return her glove.

now it's just a stupid baby.

he's talking about michael,dwight,and andy.

okay. sorry. let's- who else? oscar? i don't think so.

everyone here who's bowled a 280 please raise your hand. no way. 280? that's impressive.

okay. noeveryone here who's bowled under 70 raise their hand.

jim uses a six-pound ball. yes,he bowled five frames with this pink,sparkly thing until a little girhad to ask for her ball back.

you could always model ladies' jewelry.

a week later,a friend of mine calls me up and he says,i just saw him in a gay bar in kansas city.

when things went bad,they had a duel over me. yeah,dwight and andy. we were here.

he made non-refundable deposits on his honeymoons, so he's just knockin' 'em off one at a time.

i think today he's hot air ballooning,and later he's got a couples' massage.

oh,my god. i think the eagles could clench the n. f. c. east. and she said that we're done.

a net?a giant net?

i am going to shoot my sparrow at unsuspecting victims, and they are going to get hit,and say,i'm in love! i was hit by cupid's sparrow.

funny little bird,but he gets the job done.

i'm okay. feel a little lopsided 'cause of all the blood they took out of my right side.

i can untie any knot. i'm serious. name a knot,any knot. go ahead. you shouldn't believe everything you hear. in fact,there are many knots that i cannot untie.

oh,god. tons of it.

they've been in there for like ten minutes. bob ordered hot food. and i think they gave him too many fries.

no,i- i mean,before i left her. she left me.

meredith recently had a total hysterectomy. so that's sort of a repair.

i think our blood bags touched.

is this the party? nah.

seriously. feel how sweaty my hand is. that's really sweaty.

look,we already have a paper supplier. okay. well,thanks for wasting my time tonight. idiot.

sometimes it's not about whether cinderella gets her slipper back, but it's about the fact that the prince even picked up the slipper at all.

pardon me. may i have a chocolate chip cookie? i gave blood earlier and i'm still feeling woozy.

that's weird. you got a cotton ball and tape and we've been using band-aids.