Business Ethics

Not one of them called to congratulate me on our engagement... That, they might be off the hook for, because I didn't tell them.

I thought you were already engaged. Nope. That was Roy. She was engaged to Roy. Thank you, Angela.

I got a gift for Pam and Roy. Do I have to get another one?

A little close to my engagement there, Tuna. What's your game here? To get married. She's not a virgin, you know.

Pencils down! Just kidding. Take your time.

It's going to be insane. No, it's not. I have to read from the binder.

Let's get ethical, ethical / I want to get ethical / Let's get into ethics, yeah

And ultimately my strategy is to sort of merge this into a relationship without her even knowing.

Come on. He's right there. He was hired.

Check it out, hired guy. Nice.

Even though it was an amazing ride and I'll give an example. Anyone see Survivor, Season Six? In New York City, I hooked up with a girl who looked exactly like that.

I thought 'very strongly agree' sounded stronger than 'totally agree.'

Well, I think we can all totally agree that Holly is totally fantastic.

This meeting.

Can't set them up like that.

I'll do it. I don't care. / I'll smoke with you. / I got a bag of cigars in my purse.

You need to be Robin Williams and M. Night Shyamalan. You need to be Robin Shyamalan.

Lauren! Enough with the pencils!

I'll drop an ethics bomb on you. Would you steal bread to feed your family? Boom!

It's a trick question. The bread is poisoned. Also, it's not your real family. You've been cuckolded by a stronger, smarter male.

I viewed Cookie Monster Sings Chocolate Rain about 1,000 times.

What was the dilemma? To tell you or not.

A siesta. Time thief. Time thief. Fire him!

You are a thief of joy.

I once reported Oscar to the INS. Turns out he's clean, but I'm glad I did it.

Well, for the past six years I have been sleeping with him in exchange for discounts on our supplies and Outback Steakhouse gift certificates.

Jackpot.

Exchange of steak. Have you ever had sirloin steak, honey?

Meredith, 'the Merenator,' sleeping with suppliers.

Am I in trouble here or something? / Nothing unethical happened and that you just like to sleep around?

There's not a lot of fruit in those looms. For the love of God, we're trying to help you, you stupid bag.

Well, it's funny, maybe it's a girl thing, but after we did it, when he would give me those coupons, I just felt good about myself.

You had said that you don't do anything personal during work time, so I'm just making sure.

Hey, look, monkey knows how to use a stop watch, everybody.

It's Mike-raculous. Reaching. You'll get there.

Would you care to bang it out over lunch? I already bought this.

Terminate her. Terminator. 'I'm from the future.'

I mean, I like all the crazy monsters and stuff, you know, like Klingons and Wookiees and all that, but...

Really? That's cool. The story's kind of bland. It's about this guy named Dumbledore Calrissian who needs to return the ring back to Mordor.

Really. That doesn't sound right.

No, it's more of an underwear garment that has little spikes, like, made of... Like sometimes they're made of metal. You know what I'm talking about? You unlock a little door that... Down where you... Where you put... Where you put the...

At 12:45, he sneezed while keeping his eyes open, which I always thought was impossible. At 1:32, he peed. And I know that because he did it in an open soda bottle under the desk while filling out expense reports.

It's exhausting, being this vigilant. I'll probably have to go home early today.

And I am holding on to her leftovers.

So I guess I can assume that was personal.

Turns out being the morality police does not make you popular. I should know, because in middle school I was the hall monitor and the kids used to stuff egg salad in my locker.

What's the only thing worse than one HR rep? Two HR reps. You get me.

I don't know, can you?

Gently, with a rose?

Don't sign anything. / Get in there right now or I'm going to lose it!

Wait a second, how does this steak factor in again? I think she got it as a tip, but I don't know why she didn't just take cash.

I don't care what she's doing, I hope she just keeps doing it. Amen. Just keep the ribs coming.