Business Trip

Michael:In Japan, it's considered a sign of respect to bow so low that your head touches the ground. Actually, the lower you go, the more respect you're showing. So if you really want to impress a Japanese businessman, you basically have to do a full somersault.

Michael:And another thing — in Japan, they don't use forks or knives. They only eat with chopsticks. Everything. Soup, spaghetti, ice cream, steaks. That's why Japanese people are so good at hand-eye coordination.

Michael:Oh, and here's a fun fact: in Japan, white is actually the color of death and mourning, so if you ever go there, you should never wear white. In fact, you should wear all black, like you're going to a funeral. Every day.

Michael:Did you know that in some cultures, they wash their hands after using the bathroom? It's called 'personal hygiene.' Fascinating stuff.

Michael:I'm taking a major international business trip.

Jim:Where are you going?

Michael:Canada.

Jim:Canada? That's not exotic at all.

Michael:It's international!

Jim:It's literally right next to us.

Michael:You know what intrigues me about international culture? Three things: pasta, because it's like spaghetti but fancier. Tacos, because they're like burritos but angrier. And pancakes.

Michael:Wait, pancakes aren't international.

Michael:Okay, Meredith, I need you to pretend you're from Abu Dhabi so I can practice my cross-cultural communication skills.

Meredith:Why?

Michael:Because I want to be sensitive to other cultures. Now, you're from Abu Dhabi, so... do that thing where you ride in on a camel and throw your shoes at people.

Meredith:That's not—

Michael:And make sure you say 'Allah' a lot so I know you're being authentic.

Jim:We have T-minus 2 hours until Pam gets back from art school. Mission control is fully staffed and ready for her arrival. All systems are go.

Jim:I've checked the perimeter twice. The apartment is secure. I'm wearing my best shirt, which is... this shirt.

Jim:Everyone at the office has become weirdly invested in my relationship with Pam. Like, at first it was cute, people were excited for us. But now it's gotten to this point where they're asking about very specific details of our personal life that no coworker should ever know.

Michael:I'll use my personal money for food, and my per diem for souvenirs.

Oscar:That's the same money.

Michael:No, it's not. This is personal money. This is per diem money.

David Wallace:Michael, we're sending you to the Sandals Jamaica corporate retreat because you've been such an outstanding regional manager.

Michael Scott:Wow, thank you so much, David. I'm honored.

David Wallace:Yeah, well, you'll be sharing a room with Toby.

Michael Scott:What? No!

Michael:Business class is incredible. You get your own little pod, you're separated from everyone else, there's a door that closes...

Michael:Wait, no. You're sitting in a row with people. That's terrible.

Michael:Two empty suitcases for a short business trip to Canada

Andy:You're supposed to wear it like a bra.

Michael:I'm not wearing a bra. I'm a heterosexual man.

Andy:Bonjour, how are you today?

Andy:That's French for 'Hello, how are you today?'

Michael:What do you mean 'you will try'? Either you will or you won't.

Andy:Well, I'm going to try my best.

Michael:No, don't try. Do or do not. There is no try.

Andy:That's from Star Wars.

Michael:I know.

Michael:It's a town car.

Oscar:It's a van.

Michael:It's a town car.

Oscar:It's a van, Michael. It's just a van.

Michael:A town car is a van.

Michael:I'm taking a business class to improve my management skills. The instructor is teaching us about corporate culture and professional communication.

Michael:So I'm sitting there taking notes, and I realize I gotta bring this energy back to the office. You know what I'm saying? We're gonna run this company like it's the streets, ya feel me?

Michael:I'm about to drop some knowledge on these fools. We keeping it real, fo shizzle. This is how you manage - you gotta be about that business, homie.

Michael:This is my personal valet.

Flight Attendant:Sir, you need to take your seat. We're about to take off.

Michael:But I thought—

Flight Attendant:Now.

Michael:I have a portable DVD player with 20 movies.

Andy:Oh yeah? I have a portable DVD player too.

Michael:Oh really? How many movies do you have?

Andy:One. It's Gigli.

Michael:Egg salad? On a plane? That is disgusting. That smells like... like a diaper filled with baby poop. Actually, worse than baby poop. That's like baby poop mixed with... with old tuna fish and regret.

Michael:Yes, I'll have the filet mignon, and can you make sure it's cooked medium-rare? And some champagne. The good stuff.

Flight Attendant:Sir, this is a 45-minute flight to Buffalo. We have pretzels and a Sprite.

Michael:Oh. Well, I'll take the pretzels then.

Michael:Ahhh, this is the life. Five-star spa treatment right here in Dunder Mifflin.

Michael:Total relaxation. Complete darkness. Sensory deprivation at its finest.

Michael:Ow! What the—

Karen:This is your pushup area?

Karen:It's like... a square.

Michael:Bonjour, monsieur. I'll have the... uh... the fancy water. You know, the one that costs more because it's wet-er.

Michael:That's right, bro. Michael Scott is fancy now. Très fancy. That means very fancy in French, which I clearly speak fluently.

Michael:A concierge is like a geisha.

Michael:They're trained in the art of pleasure.

Pam:Every time I think I'm getting good at Photoshop, they update it and I have to learn everything all over again. It's like they don't want me to succeed.

Michael:Hey Marie! Great to see you again!

Marie:Um, we just met at the front desk.

Michael:I know, but I'm creating a moment here. We're bonding.

Michael:How you say... elevator?

Oscar:It's just 'elevator.' You don't need to say 'how you say.'

Michael:How you say... coffee?

Oscar:Oh my God.

Michael:Okay everyone, gather around. I want to take a photo with all of you because you're the people I'd want to be with at the end of the world.

Michael:And you, hotel employee I just met - you're in this group now too.

Andy:So I'm looking for guys, and I've come up with some creative derogatory nicknames that sound like cartoon characters. Like, uh, 'Bugs Bunny' — no, that's already taken. How about 'Daffy Duck'? 'Porky Pig'? 'Foghorn Leghorn'?

Andy:Garçon, s'il vous plaît, bière-moi!

Bartender:I'm sorry, what?

Andy:Beer me. In French. It's a thing.

Andy:How do you like them apples?

Bar patron:What?

Andy:It's from Good Will Hunting. It's smooth.

Bar patron:We're talking about your credit card bill.

Michael:Okay, so it's Christmas Eve, midnight, and I need dry cleaning. Can you get that for me?

Concierge:I'm sorry, sir, everything is closed.

Michael:Well, that's not very concierge of you.

Andy:You know, Angela is like a donut. She's sweet on the outside, but when you bite into her, there's nothing there.

Andy:Angela is so beautiful. The way she moves, the way she laughs... I'm completely in love with her.

Michael:Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's a little much, buddy.

Andy:No, I'm serious. Last night we were together and it was the most magical night of my life.

Michael:Okay, TMI.

Andy:We haven't actually had sex yet.

Michael:Oh.

Andy:Angela? Hi, it's Andy. I just wanted to say... you're really great.

Angela:Andy, are you drunk?

Andy:No, I'm not drunk. Oscar said I should call you and ask if you've ever thought about us together. Is that weird? He says it's a valid question.

Angela:Andy, hang up.

Andy:Wait, don't be mad at me! It was Oscar! He said it was valid!

Andy:Angela, Angela, listen. We should go to sex school together. You and me.

Angela:What? No!

Andy:It'll be fun! We can learn new techniques, try new things...

Angela:Andy, you're drunk. Hang up.

Andy:Wait, wait. The worst part is... I found out Kevin's gonna be in my class.

Angela:Oh my God.

Dwight:The composition is mathematically unsound. You've violated the rule of thirds by exactly 2.7 centimeters. Furthermore, your use of chiaroscuro is derivative of Caravaggio, but without the technical precision. The lighting ratio is 3:1 when it should be 2.5:1.

Dwight:And these brushstrokes? They lack the angular momentum necessary for proper gestalt completion. It's like you're painting in a lower dimension. You're essentially a flatland artist trying to render a tesseract.

Dwight:In fact, your work makes me think you've been abducted by aliens and they've surgically removed your ability to understand spatial relationships. Did the Visitors from V do this to you?

Dwight:The parking lot lines are perfectly straight. That's excellence. That's what I strive for every single day. Precision. Accuracy. And these lines... these lines are a testament to the human spirit.

Michael:I went the whole nine nards with her.

Andy:Wait, wait, wait. Oh my God. Oh my God, no. That was... that was me? I called Angela drunk?

Andy:No, no, no, no, no. What did I say? What did I even say to her?

Andy:Oh God, she's gonna fire me. She's definitely gonna fire me.

Andy:I called my boss. My boss, Angela. Drunk. Drunk-dialing Angela Martin.

Jim:So, um, this is nice.

Karen:Yeah, it is.

Jim:I mean, we said we weren't going to do this again.

Karen:I know.

Jim:But here we are.

Karen:Here we are.

Jim:So... how's Roy?

Jim:How mad can he really get? I mean, it's just a text message.

Jim:He's a reasonable guy. He'll understand.

Jim:Wait, he knows where I live, right?

Jim:So I told Darryl that Karen and I broke up.

Darryl:Oh. That sucks, man.

Jim:That's it? No dramatic reaction?

Darryl:Nah, I'm just gonna grab some coffee. You want some?

Jim:We've been together for a really long time.

Karen:Yeah, it's been like a fairytale. Except, you know, you broke up with me in a text message.

Angela:First base is forehead kisses only.

Andy:Wait, what? That's... that's not first base.

Michael:Hey Oscar, high five!

Oscar:No.

Michael:Fist bump?

Oscar:No.

Michael:Chest bump?

Oscar:Absolutely not.

David:So how was the business trip?

Michael:It was a nightmare. A complete and utter nightmare. Absolute disaster. Total catastrophe. Everything that could go wrong went wrong. Multiple times. Simultaneously.

Michael:I wanted to stay at the Four Seasons. They put me at the Four Points. That's like ordering a Porsche and getting a Hyundai. A Hyundai with a flat tire. A Hyundai with a flat tire that's on fire.

Michael:I stay at Dunder Mifflin because I respect the people here. I respect David's patience and professionalism.

Dwight:That's not patience, that's him tolerating your tantrum.

Michael:No, no, no. He respects me.

Pam:I'm not coming back because of Jim. I just realized that art school wasn't for me, and I missed working here. It has nothing to do with Jim.

Pam:Why does everyone keep saying that? I barely even think about Jim. He's just... he's a coworker.

Pam:I mean, yes, he's attractive, and yes, he makes me laugh, but that's not why I'm back.

Jim:Pam, can you make some copies for me?

Pam:Jim, I'm not going back in there. Have you seen what it's like in there right now? It's chaos.

Jim:Come on, it'll just take five minutes.

Pam:No. Absolutely not. I'm done. I'm staying out here where it's safe and sane.

Ryan:I mean, I couldn't do better.