Shareholder Meeting

Not again. Bow down before Recyclops.

Happy Earth Day, everyone. I'm Recyclops. Did you know that an old milk carton can be sawed in half and used as a planter?

Who has put a number seven plastic in a number four bin?

Recyclops will drown you in your over-watered lawns!

Then tragedy struck Recyclops when his fictional planet was attacked by some other fictitious thing, I can't remember.

Recyclops will have his revenge!

I think this was also the year that he renounced Earth Day and vowed to destroy the planet he once loved.

Oh, is today Recyclops Day? Yes. I thought you were killed by Polluticon or something. Polluticon wishes.

Humans are terrible for the environment.

The thing I like most about Recyclops is that he's creating a different world for our child. A world where you truly can be anything you want. God bless you, Recyclops, and your cold robot heart.

And it looks like you're taking a dump.

And the crowd goes wild. Ladies and gentlemen, from Scranton, Pennsylvania, please welcome Michael 'The Machine' Scott!

Don't do the twirl. Lose the twirl. Twirl sucks. Michael, I hated the twirl. Hate the twirl.

It's not even a twirl. It's a spin. I might do the spin.

Okay, Oscar. I don't need the whole enchilada, just bullet points. Those are the bullet points. Well, could you condense it, please? That's as simple as I can make it.

Town cars are actually better, though, better torque, better handling. He said limousine, so... Check it out, guys, there's a limo down here.

A limousine is something that a company sends when they have cause for celebration. And in this case, I think we are celebrating me.

Hate to break it to you, Oscar, but some of us like boobs. Calves. Calves all the way.

Hey, you know who you should be jealous of? Yourself. Because you're invited, and you're invited...

Dummies, Morons and Idiots, because that's what you'd have to be to own it. And as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers.

That, that's bigger than my bed.

Doesn't seem like there's much of a point if the company's going under. But if the company doesn't go under, then we'll finally have all our contacts in one program. Company's probably going under, though.

Say, your name is Zamboni, and then I will say, 'Well, we're sort of on thin ice.'

Oh. It was awesome. Very, very sublime.

Your eminence.

Look, do you want to be able to tell your grandkids you stood up for yourself during America's biggest financial crisis? How is he going to have grandkids?

Not supposed to talk about it. Nelly Furtado.

If onlys and justs were candies and nuts then every day would be Erntedankfest.

I'm a co-manager. That doesn't make you a boss. It's not like you can fire people or anything.

Who... How did you... Who told you this? We can't say. Ryan. Sorry. I'm plastered.

Got over 500 students to just skip the SATs. At the last second, I chickened out, took it anyway. Got a 1220. Always regretted it.

I feel lachrymose.

They invited me to their hospitality suite, where I had free food and it was delicious. Get this, you know how nice they are? They sent a stretch limo all the way to pick me up in Scranton.

Do you love her, or do you love the idea of her? I don't know, man. I just don't know.

Like the time you said, 'Hey, look, we parked over here!' Well, that was apple-picking day. There was no need to yell that day. You know, I was just excited to find the car. Perfect end to a perfect day.

It's a 45-day, 45-point, one point per day, we get to 45 points, we're back in business! And you can take that to the bank!

And, limo lady, we are going completely carbon-neutral! I love you, New York!

I'm such a perfectionist that I'd kind of rather not do it at all than do a crappy version.

Visual gag: Jim putting Ryan in the annex closet as his 'new office'

Is there Internet?

That wasn't what you were saying to me. He was much more articulate and that was better, much better.

Where's the off button on this moron?

I have personally won over 17 Dundie Awards, so I am not a moron.

Dwight Schrute, Scranton Branch. I just want to say that I have been standing in this line all day.

A take-a-number option, like they have in a deli. What about line varieties? Like an express line for quick comments of 10 words or less.

What about ropes along the lines that you can hold on to?