Todd Packer

Clean up on aisle five.

After three years of writing, one year of shooting, four years of re-shooting, and two years of editing

Did you guys know that our own Michael Scott has made a movie, and that he maybe will let us watch it, but only if everybody's dying to see it?

Yeah, if Michael Scott did your home movie.

We thought it was a comedy. Everything pointed to it being a comedy.

Thanks, Mom.

I wanted Samuel's voice to be like this. But Michael thought that Samuel should be a very advanced android, almost indistinguishable from a real person.

Dwight does not play a robot.

I gave up a lot of weekends, because I thought it would be good for my daughter to see a black man as President, even in a silly home movie. What a stupid waste of time.

Heads I do it, tails I don't. Best out of seven.

Looks like there's gonna be a clean up on aisle five.

See, I'm gonna lure him here, then I'm gonna kill everybody, then I'm gonna dig up Scarn's dead wife, and I'm gonna hump her real good.

I did not love the dialog, or the character. I took the role to impress a receptionist, who will remain nameless.

I'm not here to learn how to mop. I'm here to learn how to play hockey. Mop it.

Nice try, Goldenface. Except you forgot one thing, to kill me. Oh, I wasn't trying to kill you. I was trying to slow you down.

How's your wife doing?

I am so sorry I have to do this. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

He cut the part where my circuit board malfunctioned? Then what was the point of spilling the drink on me?

He finished his movie? No kidding. Wow, that's great. Yeah, good for him.

Far and away the most expensive shot of the movie, but it was integral to the story.

The joke's on you, Goldenface. That man was a wanted animal rapist.

Go puck yourself.

That was not scripted.

It'll take a lot more than a bullet to the brain, lungs, heart, back and balls to kill Michael Scarn.

You got problems? My TV don't work. I pay $30 a month for the damn satellite whats-a-whose-it. I can't even get the damn game.

Ever banged an entire bachelorette party, baby?

Why are you singling my line out, like, a million years later?

The Scarn dance sequence

If doing the Scarn is gay, then I'm the biggest queer on earth!

I think I was just relieved to see that Michael Scarn got his confidence back.

You should enter it in festivals. Or carnivals.

I loved that you got to work together with all your friends. Isn't that so great when you can all work together like that?

This isn't Ocean's Eleven, where you get together with all your friends, and you just have fun, and you don't care about how it turns out.

I have my book on business, Somehow I Manage. I have my HBO comedy special, 'Here I Go Again...'

I am a huge Woody Allen fan. Although I've only seen Antz.

I thought A Bug's Life was better, much better than Antz. Point is, don't listen to your critics. Listen to your fans.

We filmed this during an actual Scranton High School hockey game. They were trying to qualify for states... They were disqualified. They had to forfeit the game. Undefeated season.

I worked in a gold factory. We had a boss who only cared about money.

Hey, we got sports games again.

Yeah, I guess I did let him be a robot.

Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, isn't the President evil? Oh, yeah. Yes, he is.

No, no, he's doing it to catch the President. No, no, Dwight, he's just being stupid.

Well, because I am Michael Scarn.