Pool Party

Oh... Oh What is this? A meatball? Really?

It's always more fun to mess with Dwight with an audience. That was usually Pam. So now that she's out, I had to find someone else

Turns out that Stanley is quite the comedy fan

But not everything makes him laugh. He has very specific tastes.

Through a painstaking process of trial and error, I found out what he likes. And it's really weird

Jim, come on. So juvenile

You've been meatballed

Are you ready for some meatballs?

This is not very clever, Jim

Really, Jim? Really?

What's the haul? Thirty-two meatballs. Good day. That idiot's been feeding us for a week. We'll never have to buy meatballs again

I'm taking an Italian class. So far, I have learned tortellini, spaghettini, linguine. Well, it's not so much a class as a restaurant. But I do Monday Wednesday, Friday from 7:00 to 9:00

You sound really pretty today

Pump the brakes, Bernard

I haven't proposed to anyone in years

Mom took the main diamond out. She thought that had more of a 'my little brother' kind of vibe to it

Got a little bit of The Shining vibe, though

Big, stupid, pure chump bait

The 1% are suffering too, people

I bought it to be my Playboy Mansion. A temple to wine, revelry, sex, intrigue. This was hot on the heels of Eyes Wide Shut, mind you.

Then I met my wife, she moved in, made it her own. Now she's left me and forced me to sell the place. The ultimate insult - they're calling my speakeasy lounge a rumpus room

What was the joke you thought you heard?

Kind of laughing at your own pain. Sad clown thing

Oh, yes. How hilarious it is to laugh at clowns, the painted jesters of a dying circus industry

I'm getting reports of a serious outbreak of the 'grumpies' in here

A beautiful monster cost me my 40s and my dream home

Well, please tell Susan we all say hi

Like some sort of last hurrah? Yeah. All of us in the pool saying hurrah. Maybe the last one that says hurrah is 'it.'

Hey, Oscar, was that you who just created a party out of thin air or was it me? That was you, Kevin. It was me

You going tonight, kiddo? Because I can give you a lift. Oh, I don't know Meredith, it seems like you shouldn't drive maybe ever

How do you know where I live? Andy followed you home after the Christmas party. Why? He wanted to make sure California didn't put it in you

Wow. Andy's such a weird stalker. Following me home like that when he has a girlfriend, a restraining order

Well, we'll say it's 82 and it'll be our secret

Wow. Just stopping by. Got another party to go to. A wife and two kids at home party. DJ Pam Halpert is spinning some serious Radio Disney tonight.

I don't mean to brag but New Year's Eve, I was home by 9:00.

Funny how you can be surrounded by people and still feel so lonely

How about this weekend we take that sucker to a duck pond or something? Maybe get caught in the rain. Well, I can't. I'm going skiing with Jessica. Couple of dopes on the slopes.

But if he was jealous once before then maybe I can make him jealous again. Just not with Robert. He told me he was a ride I wouldn't survive and I believe him.

You know, you are just as dumb at night

I moved them. Pants only need a chair if there's a person in them

You want to play you little hick?

You enter this room a lawyer, a doctor, a teacher, a judge, but beyond it you are simply a penis a vagina, a hunger, an ache

Susan used it as a Pilates studio

With ammunition like this, we are in for quite a night you and me. And Gabey makes three

Why would you choose me? Because I'm mighty? Because I'm the manliest man in the office? I'll do it!

I pictured myself here every night eating a leg of mutton, the juices dripping down my bare chest, wiping my fingers on the walls

Then I met the vegan

Toby, you are playing a dangerous game

I guess I'm through the gateway now though, right?

I've been working out but the problem is, I've been building muscle underneath and that top layer hasn't burned off yet. Awkward stage

Now take a chip and crush it into my face and rub the grease around. Do it. Yeah, rub it in. Yeah. That's so good

Andy's not even looking. Eating is a dead end. Damn it.

I know. I could just bang you right now

I had two bears sewn together to make this king size. Total waste of two bears

To both these bears

When I put in the screening room I bought three movies. Caligula, Last Tango in Paris and Emmanuelle 2. The last two movies I actually watched in here were Marley & Me and On Golden Pond.

Kelly, that's a crazy ring you found. Yeah. Thanks, I'm really glad that I found it

Ring of a failed marriage might have some sinister energy, right? Am I just being silly? I don't think you're being silly. Oh, God. You know what? I can just sell it and put the money in the party fund. Oh. Then another woman will get it, we can't allow that. We have to destroy it

Does Darryl not swim? That's racist. I don't know but I would say by looking at him, no, Darryl does not swim

You've broken up your last couple, you evil ring. Do it. We're in the pool. Shove it, Angela.

But boy, that Erin, she sure is a ripe little tiger, isn't she? Meow! And to think I always thought of her as a second Meredith

It's monogamy for my hog and me

So then you won't mind if tonight I just go crazy on her? Just go nuts... With sex

You're an idiot

How did you know it was mine? The Bernard family seal, duh. Duh

Andy's confused. That's not what I was hoping for. But it's not so bad either

Robert, I want you to know I'm here to rock with you as late as you want. And that goes double for me. I'll stay even later than you'd like

Toby, I am Bacchus god of wine. And I am Bacchus' friend

And there's my talking point

It's not a party if you don't do something that scares you